


Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

by antimiya88



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-28
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-06 07:50:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 47,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11031822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antimiya88/pseuds/antimiya88
Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?





	1. Chapter 1

Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

Author: Andy-chan ([](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/profile)[ **antimiya88**](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/) )

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)  
Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, ~~unfortunately~~.

 

  

 

Part 1

  
  
  
Masaki felt the bed moving next to him. He was awake for a while now but kept his eyes closed tightly; as if that way something could happen… anything. After what it seemed an eternity, he felt a hot breath being close to his face, warming up his cheek. His heart started beating fast, almost painfully inside his chest. _Could it be that…?_ He had forgotten how to take a breath until he heard a long sigh, followed by slow steps towards the door that creaked as it opened. Masaki opened his eyes when he heard sounds of water coming from the bathroom. He sat up and took his cell phone in hand trying to see what time it was but he couldn’t… his eyesight had become blurry due to the tears but dared not to break down; mostly because he knew he didn’t have the right to.   
  
_Why should it have become like this?_  
  
He climbed down the bed and put on his slippers. Outside he could listen to the cheerful tweets of small birds, still being hidden in the tree a few meters away. It was calming but Masaki’s heart couldn’t find the beauty in it… not since that cursed night four months ago.   
  
He was leaning his forehead on the window, lost in his thoughts, when he heard the door behind him open. He turned around and met the eyes of the one who once used to look at him as if he was the most important, the most beautiful man on Earth, full of love and adoration.   
  
“I’m sorry, if I woke you up…” his voice now was exactly like him; emotionless… cold… empty.   
  
Masaki bit his lower lip to prevent the tears from coming back to surface as he shook his head negatively. “You didn’t... It was time for me to wake up…”   
  
“Ah… ok then”   
  
Masaki wanted to say something but didn’t know what. He saw the other having his back turned on him as he started changing his clothes. Even though he didn’t want to, he kept standing there at the same spot staring at him. He was so beautiful… so handsome… he wished he could reach out and caress the soft skin like he used to but he didn’t the right… not anymore.   
  
“Do you intend to stand there and stare at me like an idiot?” the question came harsh, bringing him back to reality. “I need to get dressed so I’d appreciate some privacy!”   
  
“I’ll go make some coffee” Masaki mumbled under his breath and quickly got out of the room.   
  
He was looking blankly at the coffee machine as the coffee was getting ready; falling drop by drop. An unbearable silence had covered the room, making him feel like drowning. He had many things he wanted to say to his… boyfriend? Probably not… but he knew the other wouldn’t listen; not when he had filming till the early morning hours but today it could be his chance. Masaki couldn’t continue to live with him like this... it was too unbearable.   
  
“Don’t bother to make coffee. I’ll grab one on my way. I’m leaving…” Masaki turned around and saw the other dressed in a pair of light blue, skinny jeans, a dark blue shirt with a brown leather jacket on top. He had put on cologne and his hair was styled with the help of some gel. He was way too stylish for filming. “I don’t know what time I’ll get back…”   
  
Masaki went closer. “But you only have to film the last two scenes today… Isn’t that what you had told me?”   
  
The other raised his eyebrow. “Ah… about that! Yeah… well actually no; filming ended yesterday night. Today we have one last meeting for some details before the movie go for editing. You know how the work with Honda is…” he turned to leave but Masaki managed to catch his hand.   
  
“Then wouldn’t it be a good idea for us to talk?”   
  
The other muffled a laugh. “Talk?”   
  
“Yes… Please…  I can’t stand us being like thi-”   
  
“Oh really?!” this time the tone got harsher. “You really think that you are in position to tell me you can’t stand us being _this way_ …?! Really, Masaki?!”   
  
Masaki bit his lower lip turning his gaze away. The other was right. He knew it but he was still hurting. “What happened was-”   
  
“I really don’t want to listen to it first thing in the morning! Or _ever_ again!” the other replied in the same raised tone as he grabbed his keys from the small table close to the door.   
  
“I…” Masaki’s voice trembled. “I just thought that perhaps we could-”   
  
“End of discussion!” the door was opened. “Honda-san has this party tonight. I only tell you so you don’t start calling again and again… it’s annoying!”   
  
Masaki frowned. “Party?! I never heard of a party…”   
  
“That’s because I didn’t say anything. But then again it’s not like I can’t go to a party on my own, _right_?”  the other came to stand in front of Masaki, lowering his torso his eyes trying to meet with the latter’s teary ones.   
  
Masaki lowered his head not being able to say anything.   
  
“I knew that you would agree with me… it’s not like you have an option, do you?” he felt a small pat on his shoulder and couldn’t hold back anymore.   
  
“You will never stop punishing me…” Masaki’s voice had turned weak.   
  
The other cleared his throat and opened the door. “If I wanted to punish you, I would have gone to the media four months ago which… I didn’t…. Bye-bye, Masaki”   
  
Masaki was standing staring at the now closed door. His knees felt weak; he fell on the floor, his tears falling freely on his face. He buried it in his palms. It hurt but perhaps he deserved it… he was the one who had hurt the other first, even if he regretted it from the very second he realized what he had done.   
  
“You didn’t go the media but that would be perhaps less painful, Jun…” 

***

Masaki was sitting on the sofa with his legs brought up to his torso, hugging his knees and staring blankly at some point on the wooden floor. He was trying to understand why they had become like this, why he had done what he had done but no matter how much he tried, he couldn’t find a satisfying answer. Perhaps, because there wasn’t any.  
  
He was startled when he heard his phone ringing. Masaki cursed at the sight of his manager’s name. It was already noon.   
  
“Aiba-san, I’m waiting for you at the parking”   
  
“I’ll be there in five minutes!” he ran to the bedroom and chose to wear the first pair of sweatpants he found in the closet and some random T-shirt along with his black jacket not even caring if the colors were matching or not. He put on his favorite hat and pair of sunglasses and left the apartment. It wasn’t the best thing for such a hot name in the acting scene like him to be caught by a paparazzi looking the mess he was with dark cycles, red and swollen eyes.   
  
He climbed on the van that was waiting for him and tried to flash his best smile to the one sitting next to him.   
  
“Are you alright, Aiba-san? You look tired…”   
  
“I just couldn’t sleep well… No big deal… So today, what is there?”   
  
“You have an interview and a photoshoot for Men’s Non-no and then to the agency. We have the first meeting for the new movie”   
  
Masaki nodded before turning to look outside. He loved his job but sometimes he hated it… he hated the fact that he had to look calm and happy when all he wanted to do was to dig a hole and hide himself inside. 

***

“Aiba-san, welcome!” the photoshoot director shook his hand. “I’m excited to work with you today”  
  
“I’m looking forward to working with you as well” Masaki replied with his best fake smile before he was led to the dressing room. Soon, he was dressed in an expensive dark blue suit with his make-up on and his hair looking perfect. It was show time.   
  
He was following the photographer’s directions as close as possible, trying to empty his mind from unnecessary thoughts. During these hours of work, it was the only occasion where he thought of nothing that could make him lose his focus. He made sure his eyes were looking directly at the camera lens, making sure he was giving what the photographer wanted from him.   
  
An hour later, he was dressed back in his own clothes and led to a small room at the back of the building.   
  
“He’s a great journalist. I’m sure the interview will be a success!” his manager said as the door opened revealing a young man probably in his early thirties. To Masaki’s surprise, he was very handsome; not like the ones he came across most of the times.   
  
“I expect everything will go by the rule” his manager said this time to the young journalist who bowed with a smile on his face.   
  
“Of course!” the door was closed and the journalist came to sit opposite Masaki. “Aiba-san. My name is Sakurai Sho and I’ll be the one to make this interview”   
  
“Please treat me well” Masaki said as he bowed, mirrored soon by the young man.   
  
“I have organized three groups of questions. The first one will cover your childhood and what was the inspiration for you to become an actor, the second will be focused on your upcoming movie and the third one on your private life. Nothing too personal. Just a few simple questions. You know how readers crave for such information. If however you feel that a question is exceeding your limit in any way, please feel free not to answer it”   
  
Masaki nodded rather nervously. “Of course…”   
  
The journalist smiled. “Ok… Then, let’s begin” Masaki saw the red light of the voice-recorder on and took a deep breath. “You grew up in Chiba but decided to move to Tokyo from the age of sixteen” the young journalist started with his first question. “Is this something that you were dreaming of since you were really young or a wish that was cultivated in you later?”   
  
“I guess I always had it as a dream… but it wouldn’t be a reality without certain circumstances having taken place before… at what you’d call the right time…” Masaki started replying in a friendly tone despite the fact that in reality he hated that everyone had to ask him about this… because it always ended up bringing up memories to him… painful memories he desperately wanted to get rid of. He had to stay professional though and he did, answering one by one all the questions. For his childhood, his dreams, his upcoming movie, giving as much details as possible. He could listen to the clock on the wall across the room and his heart started beating faster. He knew it was coming.   
  
“And now let us pass to the third group. You, along with your life partner Matsumoto Jun, were one of the first celebrities that decided to come out publicly, defending your romantic relationship even though you were both the two hot upcoming names a few years ago. Life shows that you still live your dream fully but back then was it an easy decision? Were you determined for a possible ‘defeat’? If I may name it like that…”   
  
Masaki looked up at the other who strangely didn’t have the usual thirst for getting _the_ news. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.   
  
“I met with… Jun during the first year of drama school. By the end of our third year, we were already living together. We had sworn that we would fight for our dreams and we did it with all honesty. Revealing our relationship was another small dream, if you want. We believed that honesty was the most important thing in any relationship…” he bit his lower lip painfully, undesired thoughts climbing up in his mind, but quickly tried to avoid them. “And so… is with the relationship with our fans, too. I know that there was a large portion of people that went against us criticizing our decision but there was another one who decided to stay by our side and that was what gave us strength to continue till today”   
  
“So, you want to tell me that you faced problems? Was it on a personal level as well?”   
  
“Not serious… just a few incidents… like insulting letters but we were together and we managed to deal with it”   
  
“Yet now you have managed to become one of the most favorite couples in show business! Everyone wants to take a glimpse!”   
  
Masaki smiled forcefully. “Yes… and we are grateful to our fans for that”   
  
“Everyone is talking about you two too as the ideal couple. You’ve been together for many years. Was there a case of a not so ideal period?”   
  
Masaki gasped at the question; his eyes meeting up with the journalist’s ones, afraid that he could look through him. “I… Well, I don’t think that there’s a couple that has never had a disagreement or a small fight. Especially, if you live together like us… It’s in human nature… So, I guess ideal is not the word that could describe it… it would make it feel unnatural. We’re simply humans trying our best…”   
  
“Of course… I understand perfectly, what you want to say, Aiba-san” the journalist said and it might be crazy but Masaki thought that there was something in the other’s tone; something that told him the other had understood more than he wanted him to.   
  
“And now the last question. How excited are you about Matsumoto-san’s new movie? It will be released next month”   
  
Masaki smiled as widely as possible. “You always are excited to see your partner’s new job. You have the chance to listen to his rehearsals, to feel his anxiety, his excitement… And since I’m one of his most loyal fans, I can’t wait to see the final result in movie theaters!”   
  
“Of course you will. Thank you very much for your time, Aiba-san”   
  
Masaki stood up and bowed. “Thank you, Sakurai-san”   
  
He was ready to open the door when he heard the other’s voice. “Aiba-san… I’m sure that your fans, the true ones, will be supportive as long as you’re happy…”   
  
Masaki looked above his shoulder at the other bewildered without uttering a single word. Their gazes had met and Masaki was sure that the other had indeed looked through him.   
  
“Have a good day, Sakurai-san” he mumbled before opening the door walking as fast as possible. He wanted to run away… _Who does he think he is? He knows nothing… nothing…_   
  
“Shino-san, I have finished. We can go to the agency now” he said once he reached his manager who was checking his schedule.   
  
“Everything alright? Did perhaps the journalist ask you other questions from the ones we had agreed on? Do you want me to...?”   
  
Masaki shook his head, his gaze going to the young journalist who was walking towards the main offices. “I’m just a bit tired. Let’s go!” he followed his manager without saying anything else. He could feel the other’s gaze intense, following his every step and he couldn’t help but feel strange about it. _Leave me alone…_

***

It was almost four o’clock in the morning when Masaki heard the door of the apartment open. Worried he stormed to the living room just to find Jun completely drunk trying to make his way to the sofa.  
  
“Jun, what happened?”   
  
Jun looked at him and giggled before a hiccup made him stop. “Oh… You were waiting for me?! How romantic…!”   
  
“Let’s go to bed…” Masaki mumbled as he tried to pull Jun close to his body, securing his hand around the other’s waist and holding the other over his shoulders. “You need to rest”   
  
“You smell nice… Did you have a bath?” Jun continued in the same tone as he was led to their bedroom and found himself on his back on the king size bed.   
  
“Let me help you with your clothes” Masaki tried to ignore the way Jun’s hand was traveling up and down on his arm as he was trying to take his shirt off. The touches were becoming bolder minute after minute and Masaki couldn’t help but feel strange.   
  
“Jun… please… let me…”   
  
“You do smell nice… So nice that I could forget about everything and fuck you…” Jun whispered as he managed to sit up better and kiss, lick and bite almost painfully on Masaki’s neck and collarbones that was exposed by the T-shirt he was wearing.   
  
“Jun… plea-” Masaki tried to push the other away but in one fast move he found himself on the bed with Jun on top of him; his hands being held by the wrists painfully over his head.   
  
“What is it…? You always liked it rough…” Jun whispered close to the other’s ear before turning his gaze to him still unfocused. “Haven’t you missed me?”   
  
The small kisses started again but this time accompanied with a knee playing with his crotch.   
  
“Jun… please…” this time Masaki’s voice was powerless… trembling… pleading.   
  
Jun was staring at him still lost in his drunkenness. “Fuck!” he growled before he rolled on the side his hands brushing through his hair. At some point he half-whispered, half-moaned some words that Masaki couldn’t catch.   
  
Masaki didn’t know what to do or say. His heart was beating fast… he expected the other to curse, to yell yet nothing came… he turned his head and realized that Jun had already fallen asleep. After he made sure Jun was in his pajamas and under the covers, he took a small blanket and went to the sofa. He tried to get rid of the unknown perfume that had clung on Jun’s clothes as well as how he had behaved towards him a few minutes ago.   
  
His eyes fell on the small framed photo of them on the table. It was from the time they had started living together. Back then, they were both genuinely happy, smiling widely, holding each other tightly. When he closed his eyes he could still feel how safe he was when he was laying his head on boyfriend’s lap reading the script for their semester’s exams… how he felt loved when they were becoming one; sometimes it would be slow and tender, sometimes it would be rougher and lustful but always full of love. The man that was sleeping in their bedroom at the moment wasn’t the Jun he remembered… he wasn’t _his_ Jun. This was a stranger… a stranger that had invaded into their lives because of himself. 

***

“Are you ready? We must go _now_!”   
  
Masaki sighed as he checked himself one last time in the mirror. It was the official premiere of Jun’s movie and he was called to play his role of the happy life partner again.   
  
“Finally!” Jun said annoyed when he saw Masaki coming. “The driver has been waiting for us for more than ten minutes!”   
  
Masaki mumbled a sorry and followed the other to the car. The route to the cinema complex was irritatingly silent, racking Masaki’s nerves. The limo finally stopped and Jun looked at him making sure he would get the message. All he could do was to make a small nod. He wasn’t stupid, he would pull it off as he ought to.   
  
Once the door was opened tens, hundreds of flashes landed on their faces that immediately made their smiles brighten up. Jun got off first and gave his hand to Masaki who took it as he made his way out of the car. They stood next to each other for a few seconds their gazes meeting. Masaki wanted to cry when he saw the way Jun was looking at him. He could somehow see traces of the old Jun… of _his_ Jun and he felt warm but in the same time as if a sting had pierced his heart because he knew it was nothing more than a lie.   
  
They made a few steps forward till they reached the spot for the photographers, holding each other by their waste. At one point, Masaki dared to lean closer and rest his head on Jun’s shoulder. It was a cute move that made their fans scream. He knew they adored such small displays of affection as he also knew that as much as the other loved it in the past, now he hated it. He felt Jun stiffen but he had missed him and this was one of the rare chances he could do it while not being afraid of Jun pushing him away. The louder and louder screams coming by the crowd proved that they were still considered _the_ perfect couple; the couple most of the girls adored seeing together.   
  
Masaki had to bite his inner lower lip when Jun’s hand pinched him at the side of his waist. Immediately, he took his head away flashing an even bigger smile to the cameras. He could listen to some girls’ remarks of them being cool or how perfect they looked together and his heart clenched.   
  
“Matsumoto-san, your fans have been waiting in the line to get a glimpse of you since morning. How are you feeling about this?”   
  
“It’s just amazing how many fans came to the movie premiere despite the cold! I am grateful to all of them because they never fail to show me their love and their devotion. Especially when they have chosen to support my life choices!” he turned and pecked Masaki’s cheek before he continued. “I have to say that if it wasn’t for them neither I nor Masaki would be standing here right now. I love them and I’ll try my best not to let them down!”   
  
Masaki remained silent as Jun kept answering the questions about his movie. He had almost stopped smiling when he heard someone relatively close to him clear discreetly his throat. Surprised, he looked around and distinguished the young journalist of his last interview for Men’s Non-no standing at the side. He made a small nod forcing a smile. Masaki wouldn’t have paid more attention if it wasn’t for the other’s intense gaze locked on him. He bit his lower lip feeling a bit uneasy. He couldn’t understand why but having him there among the journalists, looking at him that way made his heart raise anxiously. He was sure the other had managed to look through him _again_.   
  
“Let’s go baby…” Jun gripped his hand a bit painfully as he made Masaki follow him inside.   
  
They sat in the middle of the first row of seats that was reserved for them without exchanging a single glance.   
  
“Who is he?” Jun asked abruptly in Masaki’s ear once the lighting went low.   
  
Masaki turned his head to look at him but Jun’s eyes were already locked on the big screen. “Who?” he asked whispering.   
  
“That journalist that was staring at you not even giving a damn that I was standing right next to you perhaps?!”   
  
“He’s the one who took my last interview… I don’t even remember his name…”   
  
“Really?! Weird… I’d say that you were speaking with each other even if you didn’t say a single word out loud!”   
  
“Jun, I honestly don’t know him… Why do you-”   
  
“Ah… But of course…” Jun lowered his head so that his mouth was close to Masaki’s ear. “I forgot…”   
  
Masaki frowned. “Forgot? What do you mean?”   
  
“That you must get drunk before you fuck with someone else…” Jun whispered before turning his attention back to the screen. 

***

It was almost 2am when the van stopped out of Masaki’s apartment block. He opened the van door before mumbling good night to his manager. It had already been two months since he had started filming for his new movie and his schedule was crazy. He checked his phone and sighed not surprised to find no texts or missing calls. _As if he cared…_ He was walking on the pavement slowly when suddenly he was blinded by a flash. Surprised, he blinked to see better and gasped when he realized that out of blue he was surrounded by paparazzi.   
  
“Aiba-san! Tell us, do you feel betrayed?”   
  
“Is your relationship at stake or you consider of forgiving Matsumoto-san?”   
  
“How long is it since you started having problems with your lover?”   
  
Masaki couldn’t understand anything. He pushed the three men away and managed to enter inside the building without being followed. He got in the elevator and pressed the button to his floor. Tens of questions were going around his mind as he placed the keys in the lock. After many unsuccessful tries, the door opened and revealed Jun sitting on the floor, his back leaning on the sofa with the bottle of scotch open right next to him.   
  
“Jun?” Masaki closed the door hurriedly and kneeled next to the other. “Jun? What is going on? Paparazzi were waiting for me outside… This hasn’t happened since when we first revealed our relationship…”   
  
Jun though was still silent.   
  
“Jun…” Masaki grabbed the latter’s shoulders making him look at him. “Please, say something… what happened?”   
  
“You can turn on the TV and find out! I’m sure it’s all over the place…” Jun said rather apathetic as he stood up and slowly walked towards the bedroom. “I’ll go to sleep”   
  
Masaki frowned. Something was wrong but couldn’t understand what. He placed the scotch back to its place before turning on the TV. He gasped, the TV controller falling from his grip.   
  
_“Scandal! Matsumoto Jun on an affair? Leaked photos of his passionate night with Miss K! Is the perfect couple of Matsumoto Jun and Aiba Masaki a lie?”_  
  
Masaki was left speechless. _Jun, what have you done?_ He stormed in the bedroom finding Jun changing his clothes.   
  
“Why?” Masaki asked him with trembling voice. “Why, Jun?”   
  
“I was drunk…” Jun replied in a cold tone.   
  
“Jun, I thought that we-”   
  
“I thought that too, Masaki!”   
  
Masaki said nothing else; he only lowered his head.   
  
“How does it feel Masaki? Do you feel betrayed? Angry? Frustrated? Or perhaps empty? Lost? No… you most probably feel all of these combined… It hurts, right? It hurts when you discover that the one you are with, the one you love has slept with someone else… It hurts, doesn’t it?”   
  
Masaki gasped at the feeling of Jun standing right in front of him, his thumbs wiping his tears away.   
  
“I know it does, Masaki…” Jun whispered, his eyes only a few inches away from Masaki’s widened ones. “Because that’s how I had felt when I found you in our bed with Takizawa seven months ago…”   
  
  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

 Author: Andy-chan ([](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/profile)[ **antimiya88**](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/) )

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)  
Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, ~~unfortunately~~.

 

  

 

 

Part 2

Nino was looking at the front page and couldn’t help but smile widely. In front of him he had last week’s issue with Matsumoto Jun’s photos and analytical story. Once again, he had hit gold. His newspaper, trashy but always true as he was always proudly declaring, had made its miracle once again; a miracle that had gained him lots of money and he loved it.

It was perfect… Everyone was talking about the famous couple; everyone was wondering about the truth behind their relationship and as always rumors had started popping out. _‘Could it be that Matsumoto Jun and Aiba Masaki pretended the happy couple only to gain popularity?’, ‘Matsumoto Jun and Aiba Masaki: How they came up with the idea of pretending to be together just to become famous’, ‘Matsumoto Jun nymphomaniac? Secret meetings with friends with benefits’_ were the latest and Nino couldn’t deny it. He was having _lots_ of fun.

He walked out of his office to refill his cup with coffee when someone blocked his way.

“What were you thinking, Nino?”

Nino ticked his tongue against his teeth annoyed. “What a surprise! Your highness decided to leave the honorable offices of your proper magazine and come to the shitty ones of mine?! A miracle must have happened!” irony was more than obvious in his voice but that didn’t discourage the other who remained in his position blocking Nino in the small aisle between the offices.

“Do you enjoy so much seeing people fall apart? Is that your revenge?”

The question pierced like an ironed sword Nino’s heart but he wouldn’t do the favor to the other. “Sakurai, fuck yourself!” he pushed him away and went to the kitchen to pour some coffee. He needed caffeine.

Sho sighed. “You have changed so much… This isn’t the Ninomiya Kazunari that I hanged out with at college… This isn’t the boy who wanted to be the first name in journalism… Why do you keep publishing rubbish? I get that it brings money but-”

Nino muffled a laugh. “Sakurai, please, do me a favor and cut the crap! I never published _rumors_ … only the truth! Now, if that _truth_ hurts, it’s not my problem!”

“You never forgave him…” Sho said in a low tone staring directly at the other.

“And you never saw things objectively. But what am I saying?! You would never betray your precious childhood friend! Sometimes I wonder if I had to meet you in this life… If I hadn’t, I would have never met him and if I hadn’t met him, then I would have never experienced all this pain…”

“Nino… I-”

“Ninomiya for you!” Nino cut him off. “I know what bullshit you say… It was him that was right and me who was wrong! Aren’t I right?!”

“Despite what you believe, he never stopped caring about you…”

“Of course, he did…” Nino replied feeling angrier minute after minute. “Look. Get your ass out of my property or I’ll have the guards throw you out!”

“I’m leaving. But I must say that I never thought you’d be this low…”

“Why the fuck do you care about so much?! I thought you’d be here thanking me…. I believed you had the hots for the tall, cute one! Don’t think that I didn’t see how you were looking at him at the other’s movie premiere… I’d suggest you make your move now… Who knows? He might be in need for consolation…”

Sho’s eyes bulged but soon turned sad. “I can’t believe this is you…”

“It’s just another fairytale that fell apart” Nino continued in the same tone. “The guy shoved his dick into a vagina for a change… Perhaps to make the comparison? To make his fantasy come true? I don’t give a fuck. The thing is that they had already fallen apart. I just lit this small detail up!”

Sho simply sighed. “I’m really sorry for you…”

Nino’s grip on the mug tightened till his knuckles turned white. “Fuck you! I don’t need your or anyone’s pity! Got me?” he saw the other leaving and leaned against the kitchen stool. “As if you care… as if _he_ cares…” he muttered to himself, his voice having lost its power. “He was the one who told me that our relationship didn’t go anywhere anymore and that we should stop seeing each other… He had already moved on and me, the idiot believed that we would be together forever… that we were soulmates… I’m not low, _my dear Sho_... just a realist. It was back then that you should pity me… _then_ when I was an incurably romantic dreamer and idealist… Everything I believed in was a lie…” he sipped some of the coffee that had turned cold in the meantime. “Lies are everywhere… I’m just making sure all of them come up to the surface… and if that makes me a scumbag in your eyes then hell I am and I’m proud of it!”

***

Jun frowned as he felt someone close to him. His head was spinning and it took some time to realize what was happening. Masaki was holding him by the armpits, in an attempt to lead him to the bedroom.

“I cn do i…” Jun said in a high-pitched voice between hiccups and whimpers.

Masaki sighed as he led him to the bed and started taking off his covered in sweat clothes. “You know you can’t cope with strong alcohol, Jun… Raise your arms, please…” Jun obliged without further questions, perhaps it was the limit where all his powers had abandoned him and in a glimpse of eye was left with his torso naked. “Wait here…”

Masaki entered the small bathroom located in the bedroom and filled a sponge with water. His eyes had become wet, threatening-to-come-to-the-surface tears were making his eyesight blurry but denied to break down. He could do it later. What was important at the moment was Jun to be safely sleeping. He took a deep breath and went back to the room where he found the other lying on his back. He sat next to him and started cleaning him up, knowing that it would help him have a better sleep.

“Don’t move like that, Jun… You’ll wet the sheets…”

“As i yo care…” Jun mumbled while trying to suppress a laugh.

“But I do care…” Masaki whispered and without waiting for an answer, he continued his task. In a few minutes, Jun was wearing his pajamas and sleeping quietly.

Masaki’s lower lip trembled as his hand found Jun’s soft hair. Did he have the right to stroke it? He wasn’t sure… it was him the one at fault. It was him that had betrayed the other… it was him that had been found in their bed with another man… he was wasted… but it was _his_ neck had someone else’s marks… and Jun was there… he still remembered the pain in his boyfriend’s eyes and he still hated himself for that.

\---

_Six months ago…_

 

_“I think I drank too much…” Masaki mumbled as he tried to stand on his feet but didn’t quite manage to stay still for more than a few seconds._

_“Be careful, Aiba-kun…” a voice reached his ears while two hands wrapped protectively around his waist._

_Masaki’s mind screamed that this was wrong but his body was too weak to be able to move away. He was led to a taxi, the hands never leaving him. He felt sleepy and before he could realize what he was doing, he let his head rest on the other’s shoulder._

_He was almost sure he heard a chuckle but the tiredness won over._

_“We have arrived!”_

_Masaki opened his eyes with difficulty and let out a moan of frustration. “Thank you, Takkey-kun. I will go upstairs now!”_

_“Is Matsumoto-kun here?”_

_“No… he’s… in Sap… poro for his drama spe… special…”_

_“Then I’ll help you. I would feel terrible, if you fell on your way to your apartment”_

_“But it’s…” Masaki tried to oppose but he was already carried to the entrance._

_Once in the elevator, Masaki would swear that he could feel his costar in theatre leaning closer to him. His drunken mind wasn’t sending clear messages to his body that remained in its position, feeling the hotness not necessarily unwelcome._

_When the door of his and Jun’s apartment opened, he was ready to say good night but didn’t have the chance to utter a single word. A mouth was locked on his, claiming his lips demandingly. He tried to push the other away, to make him stop but he was stronger and held him tighter as he forced his tongue into Masaki’s mouth. Masaki moaned in desperation… this was wrong… they might had problems lately but he was in love with his boyfriend… he was in love with Jun… he tried to get away from the other’s grip but as the minutes passed by, it felt more and more difficult. The way Takkey’s flushed body was rubbing against his was making his already blurry mind turn completely blank._

_Before he knew what he was doing, he found himself relaxing and returning the kiss with eagerness. He felt the other smiling as the grips on his wrists disappeared. His hands wrapped around the hot neck, his whole body had leaned closer, making the distance between them disappear. He didn’t oppose as the other started taking his clothes off; neither did he oppose when he was pushed on his bed completely naked and exposed._

_It felt as if he was trapped in a sweet fog. Hard sucks landed on his collarbones causing him to gasp, his nails buried in the soft skin. His breathing had turned uneven and his body was sweating… with the alcohol still running strong through his veins, it made the temperature of the room be double high. Soft whimpers left his mouth as a hand started caressing in a torturously slow way his most sensitive spots… a deep moan filled the air once a finger came to tease his hole._

_Suddenly, he opened his eyes frightened. ‘No… this isn’t supposed to happen… what… what am I doing?!’_

_“Please… stop… I…” he tried to speak, he tried to push the other away but the finger entered him making him scream._

_It didn’t hurt but it didn’t feel right… This wasn’t right. He tried to kick the other away but he proved to be stronger. Masaki couldn’t handle alcohol… he knew it well… But that night he had drunk because he wanted to forget how much he missed Jun. They had been fighting over small things… It had been days since they had last talked and that made Masaki a mess. In the bar when all those thoughts vanished, it had felt right… but now he realized how wrong he was…_

_“Come on, baby… You were having so much fun… let yourself enjoy…” the other whispered huskily close to his ear, his finger continuing its task even more aggressively till it found what he was looking for._

_“Please…” Masaki repeated but an unwanted moan left his throat. The other had found his prostate and mercilessly kept brushing it._

_“Don’t think…” he heard the other whispering in his ear, followed by small feather-like kisses from his earlobe to his neck._

_“Plea- Ah… hnn…” Masaki tried to push the other again without any power or will as his body trembled forcefully._

_“That’s it baby… moan for me…”_

_Masaki felt tears in his eyes as both his prostate and cock were caressed. His drunken mind kept telling him that this is wrong but the pleasure that had started building up inside him was too much. It wasn’t till a few minutes later that every resistance subsided. He couldn’t help but scream loud as the other entered him in one fluid move. The thrusts were powerful, making him move along meeting him half way._

_His mind tried to stay with his boyfriend. ‘Jun… Jun…’ he felt like crying… yet it felt too good and before he knew it, his mind had turned blank as he clenched his muscles around the cock inside him in an attempt to gain more friction. His legs were wrapped around the other’s waist pushing him further in him._

_They both moved faster and faster until they came with soundless gasps, their bodies trembling from the intensity of their orgasms._

_Masaki was lying on his back, his eyes staring at the ceiling, still blurry and unfocused. His head was still buzzing. “Jun…” he mumbled under his breath, feeling a knot in his throat. He couldn’t believe it… He felt defenseless… a complete zero for having betrayed the man he loved like that… He wanted to push the other off the bed but had no power. He remained like that till his eyes eventually turned heavy._

_It was only when he felt someone grabbing his arm with force that he opened them. Still lost, feeling his head ready to explode, he thought…, no, he **hoped** that everything was just a bad dream. He sat up when he saw Jun standing right there in front of him with his eyes filled of shock, questions and… something he had never seen before… disgust. He managed to turn to the side and saw Takkey’s naked body lying down still asleep. Now he knew that it wasn’t a dream but the truth._

_Everything happened fast. Jun woke Takkey up throwing him with force off the bed along with his clothes, literally kicking him out of the apartment. It was only when the door closed that Jun came closer to Masaki. He pulled him into the bathroom forcing him to look at himself in the mirror. Masaki gasped. His collarbones and torso were covered with love bites and marks… marks that weren’t Jun’s._

_“Tell me, Masaki…” Jun’s voice sounded hostile, full of disgust. “Did he fuck you hard last night? Did you scream out loud? Louder than with me?” there was so much sadness in it… and it was because of him. “Tell me, was he better? Did you enjoyed it more? Tell me, Masaki!”_

_“Jun… I…” Masaki tried to speak with trembling voice but was turned around with force, facing his lover who was looking at him with narrowed eyes._

_“Be clever and shut up…” Masaki gasped but remained hushed. “Listen carefully…” Jun continued. “I won’t go to the media. We will still be together… That’s another selling point of us and I won’t destroy it. I have worked too hard to have this career. So, we will continue as we were…” his thumb brushed Masaki’s lower lip. “… **for the others** … Think of it as another role… It’s not that you’re unfamiliar with it though! You’ve already let someone else fuck you behind my back… So, be a good boy and continue along. Got it?”_

_“Please… Jun! Liste-” Masaki tried again, more desperate._

_“You want to tell me that you didn’t sleep with him?”_

_“Jun, I…”_

_“A yes or no…” Jun cut him off. “You slept with him. Yes or no?”_

_Masaki gulped. “Yes…” he answered with a tiny voice, his head lowered in defeat._

_“You got your answer…” Jun turned around to leave but Masaki grabbed his arm._

_Jun freed himself from Masaki’s grip pushing him away. “I know that lately we didn’t have much time together and we had all those small fights. I know that maybe I was a bit of a jerk… I realized that I missed the moments back then when we still hadn’t achieved anything but were happy and had dreams… I wanted to try to bring back all those moments… and honestly, I thought that we still loved each other but from what it seems I was wrong. You’ll call me naïve… and you will be right…” he sighed before his lips turned into a sad smile. “BUT that doesn’t mean that I will continue being one” he leaned closer, making their eyes being only a few centimeters apart from Masaki’s widen ones. “Don’t even **think** to touch me... ever again… understood?”_

_“Ju-”_

_“Understood?” Jun repeated harsher this time._

_Masaki nodded, not daring to follow the other as he left him alone in the bedroom. He heard the door banging loud as it closed. He tried to breathe but it felt impossible. He wanted to scream but no sound could leave his throat, he wanted to run after him but he knew it would be in vain. He had never imagined that these beautiful eyes of him could ever stare at him with so much hate, reflected in them._

_‘What have I done? What have I done?’ he fell on the floor, naked as he was, burying his face in his palms, sobs causing his body to shake violently. “Jun… I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”_

\---

Masaki hadn’t realized that he was crying until he heard steps. He tried to wipe his tears away and without averting his eyes from the floor where he had been looking at blankly for hours, he spoke in a trembling voice. “It wasn’t you the one that was naïve, Jun… It was me…”

“What?”

“I guess I didn’t want to accept that Takkey was flirting with me…” Masaki said. Jun tried to stop him but he didn’t. “I wanted to believe that since he knew we were together he would respect it… That night, we had been out with the cast of the theatre production. I was really missing you… the more I felt that way, the more I drank… That continued till I couldn’t even stand properly on my two feet. He put me in a taxi but insisted on coming with me because he was afraid I might fall somewhere in between… he brought me to the door and before I could realize what was happening he started kissing me. I wanted to push him away, I tried to push him away, to make him stop but at my state it was inevitable… He knew what to do to make his caresses more welcomed…

And then before I knew it I was on our bed… All I could think of was you… I tried to make him stop…” Masaki stopped, his eyes closing tightly. He could hear Jun gasping but took a deep breath in order to continue. “I pleaded him to stop… but he didn’t… and then… I couldn’t fight back anymore… My body didn’t want to fight back… I hated myself… so much that I was convinced it was a nightmare… something that proved to be wrong when my eyes met that disgust written all over yours… and since then I hate myself… for having betrayed the man I loved… and now… here I am, having destroyed you completely…”

Jun had remained looking at the other with wide eyes, a frown covering his forehead. What he had just heard sounded much different from what he had decided to believe in all these months. He looked closer, distinguishing the guilt and pain in the other. He always had it but today it was more than ever. He bit his lower lip smiling bitterly. He had felt empty but at least it was _his_ choice to sleep with that clingy girl… he wanted to forget; it hadn’t been successful but at least it was his decision. What Masaki had just spoken of wasn’t his decision… It was forced… it was… rape.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jun asked even though he knew he was at fault. He was the one that whenever Masaki tried to speak wouldn’t listen.

“You wouldn’t let me and then, I realized that it was my fault… Not because I had enjoyed it but because it was me the one who let him bring me home, touch me… It was me the one who had drunk more than I could handle when you were away… It wasn’t his fault, he got what he wanted… I had the choice but I made the wrong one…”

“Masaki… he…”

“Even though we’re practically done for half a year now, it still hurt me you know… I still wanted to believe that there was a small hint of hope for us… I know I was naïve and stubborn… but I hoped… Now I have finally accepted the truth… that there’s none. You were right, you know…! You made me taste exactly the same bitterness… And even though I felt useless, I thank you… because I deserved it…”

“I-”

Masaki stood up and smiled. “But I won’t accept that… I won’t let them make you look as if you’re the one at fault. I will clear things up. It’s the least I can do for you…”

“You won’t. This man… he forced you!” Jun grabbed Masaki by his shoulders making him look at his eyes.

Masaki smiled, heavier tears having filled his eyes. “I didn’t ask for it but I let him have his way with me when I shouldn’t have. I should have protected me and most importantly us… I should have spoken to you of my insecurities, my fears… yet I didn’t… I made the wrong choice and I paid for it”

“Masaki, do you even listen to yourself? Takizawa should pay!”

“I don’t care about him… The fact that I hurt you doesn’t change… and it hurts me to see everywhere all those horrible for you…”

“But it will destroy your career as well…”

“It will but at least, I will be able to live with my conscience peacefully…”

Jun turned the other way avoiding Masaki’s stare and lowered his head.

Masaki made a few steps forward till he was standing right in front of the other. “Can I ask you something? But I want you to answer to me with honesty…”

Jun looked up at the other confused but nodded.

“Do you believe that even if that had never happened, we would have really been ok?”

Jun was startled by the question and even more when he found himself unable to answer. “I… honestly don’t know…”

Masaki felt tears blurring his eyesight. “I thought so too…” he whispered with a trembling voice and smiled sadly. “So, I guess… that’s it, right?” he took a deep breath. “I’ll search to find another place to live…”

“Masaki…”

“We both knew this end would come… Staying together like this, it was only bringing more pain… and I guess we both had enough…”

“But…” Jun didn’t continue as he saw Masaki approaching him slowly, almost hesitatingly. He knew that stare… and felt tears filling his eyes up but tried to remain calm.

“I know I might sound egoistic right now…” Masaki spoke in a tiny voice “…but… Could you…” his jaw trembled as sobs threatened to come to the surface “could you just forget about everything for a while…? Half an hour… half an hour is enough… I just want to feel-”

Jun grabbed Masaki by his nape and crushed their lips together. It felt bitter as both of them knew that this was a good-bye. In a blink of eye, their clothes had been thrown unceremoniously on the floor as they made their way to their bedroom, crashing against walls, on the door.

Their bodies moved along in unison, wanting to feel the other one’s hotness as much as possible. Their eyes never left each other’s face; not even for a second, wanting to memorize this moment… this last intimate moment after so many years. With every move it was as if they were confirming the love they felt for each other. Everything was intense… passionate… reflecting their feelings. They knew it was painful but there was no other way.

Jun’s hips thrusted one last time deeply as he filled Masaki with his cum. The latter’s chest was still moving up and down trying to calm down from the powerful orgasm he had experienced a few seconds earlier. They remained like that, Jun’s lips ghosting on Masaki’s sweaty forehead.

 

Masaki wanted to hold his tears back but it was stronger than him. Perhaps it was the afterglow from sex but he felt them coming down his face like a river. To his surprise, Jun’s hands came to wrap around him holding him tightly, reminding him how safe he felt in these arms. He grabbed them as if his life depended on them. This was the last time he would ever feel them against his skin and he needed to memorize it.

“I really loved you, Jun…” Masaki said after a while, calm, his head resting on Jun’s torso, close to his heart. Every word was spoken shakenly… almost as a whisper, making Jun sigh.

“I really loved you too, Masaki… I really did…”

***

Masaki’s agency had tried to make him stop from holding this press conference. They had threatened to end his contract but he was determined. The flashes were once again all over him but this time the sense was so different. The fact that he had moved out from his apartment had already been in the headlines of the gossip newspapers for more than a month now. Both his and Jun’s names were trending everywhere on social media.

He could swear he was hearing whispers as he made his way to the chair prepared for him. He took a deep breath to find the courage to speak calmly. He opened his eyes and looked directly at the journalists in front of him. He had to be strong for both of them.

“I decided to hold this press conference today because I wanted to clear some things up. This whole story of my break-up with Matsumoto Jun has been circulated in the media and tens of different opinions have come to the surface, most of which present things in a certain, biased way that, allow me to call them unfair for my ex-partner. I just want you to know that I haven’t been the victim as many of you want to portray me. It was me that had made a similar mistake in the first place” he could feel more flashes, more questions. “Jun and I were having a crisis and both made mistakes… we’re not the first ones and I’m pretty sure we won’t be the last ones on this Earth but that doesn’t mean that our whole relationship was made up…

Jun was the first one who cheered up for me… who made me feel strong; he’d be the one who envisioned our future as actors, making our dreams come true… I have truly loved him the same way I believe he did love me back and even if many things happened between us, even if we’re not together anymore, it doesn’t mean that I will stop caring about him. When you have truly loved someone, then they will always keep a part of your heart… because they have meant something for you” he knew his voice was trembling, he was at the verge of crying but tried to smile as defense. He could see the way he was stared at; like a prey surrounded by tens of pairs of eyes, seeing him as the perfect meal of the day.

“I am ready to answer your questions, now…”

And then it started but he was prepared. He had to be strong. He owed it to him, so he cleared his throat and tried to answer as honest as possible. His image as an angel had been crushed but he knew it had to happen… because he wasn’t one… he was only a human… with many flaws and weaknesses; a human that had made mistakes that couldn’t be undone.

Two hours later he was finally free to go. He escaped as fast as possible to the toilets. He held the two sides of the basin as he tried to calm his throbbing heart and threw some cold water on his face. He took some deep breaths before he looked up in the mirror, gasping when he saw someone else’s face reflecting on it as well.

“Who are you?” he asked frowning. He had seen him being among the crowd.

“Ninomiya Kazunari”

“Ninomiya Kazu-?” Masaki gasped. “It’s you! You’re the one who published everything!”

“Yes, it’s me…” the smaller man replied in a calm way.

“Congratulations!” Masaki told him ironically and tried to leave the room but was stopped by the other. “You must feel really accomplished! You managed to destroy not only one but two men’s lives!”

Nino didn’t even flinch at the words. “Why did you do this today?”

Masaki smiled. “Because no matter what you might think, I love Jun… I will always do…”

“You still insist on that…” Nino mumbled as he shook his head chuckling.

“I do… because I believe it… You can’t just forget someone you have loved in your life… You care… _if_ this someone truly meant something for you…” Masaki said calmer. “But from what it seems you have never experienced it, have you?”

Nino was left blinking unable to utter a single word. What did the other knew? How could he judge him?!

“I pity you…” Masaki whispered still looking at the smaller man in front of him with narrowed eyes.

“Excuse me?”

Masaki sighed. “You feed on other people’s sadness and destruction… If that’s not pitiful, then what is it?”

“You better not speak for things you don’t know… and remember that you shouldn’t come to conclusions, when you know absolutely nothing. Got me?!” Nino had narrowed his eyes dangerously. The other was speaking to him without knowing anything about him or his life. “I don’t feed on people’s _destruction_ as you say, I just reveal the _truth_ … Don’t forget that it was _you_ who always claimed that you wanted to be honest with your fans!”

Masaki sighed. “So, you did us a favor?”

“Maybe I did…” Nino smirked. “Isn’t that good? There are no such things as fairytales!”

Masaki smiled bitterly. “You’re right, there aren’t… but you should know that trying to prove every single story doesn’t make you feel better… it only makes you sadder, even if you deny it…”

“What are you-?”

“Excuse me…” Masaki cut him off and left.

~.~.~

“He’s right…” a voice was heard as a door of the cubicles opened.

Nino chuckled. “I should have guessed that you would be here… Spying on him?”

“I was here before he came in… I just thought that it would be wrong to come out when I heard your conversation…”

“So you chose to eavesdrop! That’s what I call manners!”

“Nino… I think you should speak to Satoshi… Stop hiding behind your finger… face the truth!”

“I’d suggest you go and run after him… You might catch him at the back exit!” the other said with a smirk that was obviously a way to hide his uneasiness.

“I can see it in your eyes that this… _job_ doesn’t bring you any happiness… You _know_ that it doesn’t bring you any happiness but you’re stubborn… so stubborn that you’re willing to keep hurting yourself…”

“I said it before. I will say it again. Fuck yourself, Sakurai!” Nino yelled and left.

The door was closed with a loud bump, leaving Sho alone. “I hope one day you realize what you’re doing to yourself…”

***

Masaki leaned on the wall behind him as he was waiting for his taxi to come. He had no manager to drive him around and he owned no car. He had sold his in order to be able to have some cash until he figured out what he’d do from now on. A minute later, he felt his phone vibrating. He took it in his hands, a shy smile appearing on his lips.

From: **Jun**  
You were strong…  
I will try my best to be. I promise  
you… that bastard will get what  
he deserves. But I want you to promise me  
that you’ll take care of yourself.

He knew that Jun wouldn’t let Takizawa escape and that made him think that he did have chosen the right man… despite the way things had turned out in between. He started pressing the buttons fast. The fact that Jun had sent him this small message proved that he had been telling the truth; if you had felt something real for someone, it would never disappear completely… you would still care for them.

To: **Jun**

I will like I know you will, too.  
If you ever need me, I’ll be there  
for you. You know it.  
Take care, Jun…

 

He looked up in the cloudy sky trying to stop the thoughts that kept wishing to occupy his mind. It was difficult but he would fight… for him and for Jun…

\---

_Seven years ago…_

 

_“Will you promise me something, Masaki?”_

_Masaki smiled as he looked at his lover. “What?”_

_“No matter how many difficulties you will face, you’ll never give up!”_

_“I promise, I won’t… but you have to promise me the same…”_

_Jun kissed the top of his head. “I promise I will fight the best I can!”_

\---

_I’ll keep that promise, Jun and I know that you’ll keep it, as well…_ he thought and sighed, somehow relieved.

“Aiba-san?”

Masaki was sure he knew that voice. He turned around and to his surprise it was the journalist who had taken his last interview. His alarms were immediately on. “What do you want?”

“To tell you that I admire you… I always did but now more than ever…”

Masaki was taken aback. He tried to distinguish the lie, the mock behind these words but no matter how hard he tried, all he could see was honesty. He felt his throat getting dry.

“I’m sorry but I forgot. Your name is…?”

The other smiled as he came closer. “Sakurai. My name is Sakurai Sho”

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 

 


	3. Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

 Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

Author: Andy-chan ([](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/profile)[ **antimiya88**](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/) )

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)

Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, ~~unfortunately~~.

 

 

 

Part 3 

  
  
  
It was already dark when Nino was able to leave his office. This past few weeks had been hell. He wasn’t able to sleep well and that caused him to be slower during working hours. His paper was selling well, better than ever after the revelation of Matsumoto Jun and Aiba Masaki’s scandal yet it brought him no pleasure… no feeling of accomplishment. Somehow, that actor’s words had been stuck on his mind, playing on a repetitive mode. _“If someone truly meant something for you…”_ There had been… Once. He had given his heart, his body completely, selflessly to the one he thought felt the same just to be deceived… just to be left alone and hurt in the end.   
  
Nino wasn’t naïve. He had been a dreamer but that dream of his had been crushed brutally, leaving nothing but shadows behind. It was these shadows that he was trying to face but no matter how much he tried, it was still too painful. Even at the thought of confronting with the past was unbearable. He might see that he had done mistakes; mistakes that if were discovered, they would destroy him. He didn’t want to know that he was part of the reason why he ended up alone and miserable because no matter how much he was successfully trying to convince everyone for the opposite, deep inside he was weak. Even back then, when he had decided to stand up for the one he loved and speak openly to his father, he had _pretended_ to be strong… Inside he was trembling but he had _him_ … or at least so he thought.   
  
\---   
  
_“Do you even listen to yourself?”_  
  
_“I love him and he loves me! What can’t you understand?!” Nino felt like crying but he wouldn’t do his father this favor._  
  
_“But… why someone like him?! Even if you’re a…” Nino’s father’s face contracted with disgust “…gay… why can’t you find anyone better?”_  
  
_“No one’s better than Satoshi!” Nino’s voice was loud. How did his father dare to say that another person could be better?! Satoshi was the one for him… His soul mate…_  
  
_His father smirked. “He’s a supposed-to-be artist” the word was spoken ironically and managed to get Nino’s full attention. “Don’t you know that artists have already devoted themselves to their art? There’s no room for anyone else!”_  
  
_“Satoshi loves me! He cares for me! You’re saying all that because you’re jealous. Jealous because someone has truly loved me when you never had this chance. Mother married you because she was obliged… You have no idea how it is to be loved!” Nino said, his chest moving up and down fast. He didn’t want to believe in his father’s words. He only said so because he hated him. He always had._  
  
_He ran up to his room and put hastily some clothes in his bag._  
  
_“You’ll regret this…”_  
  
_“I won’t!” Nino said again, trying to sound confident. He wouldn’t… he had Satoshi. He hurried to the door._  
  
_“If you open this door, you may forget that you have a family! You’ll be a total stranger to me!”_  
  
_Nino lowered his head as he opened it slowly. “It doesn’t matter because I already have one waiting for me… Good bye…” he muttered under his breath and stepped out._  
  
_He was walking aimlessly around the streets before ending up to the small park. He might have just turned nineteen but had always lived in a secured environment. It was impersonal, cold but safe. Now, he didn’t have that and his heart was beating fast, almost painfully. He knew he had made the right decision but he still felt afraid. He had decided though not to say anything to Satoshi. He knew his boyfriend would feel responsible and he didn’t want that. He only wanted to be by his side… That made every fear and insecurity he felt at the moment worth it. A shy smile appeared at his face as he turned his eyes up to the blue sky. He should think positively because he wasn’t alone; he had Satoshi and he would have him forever…_  
  
\---   
  
Everything proved to be a lie and the pain wouldn’t leave him easily. Since that night of November, when he saw his apartment door closing and the figure of the man he loved the most in this world leaving him forever, he knew he had to do something; something that would help him face the days that were about to come; something that would prove to him that he had done nothing wrong. So, he started paying close attention to everyone around him; first, with his college friends. If he caught something, he’d immediately reveal it. Was it flirting? Was it cheating? Little did he care. What mattered was to see the pain in the others’ eyes… That way he wouldn’t be the only one to be crushed. Lies were everywhere. Little by little it became his obsession. Now he could see it. There was no true love; there was no forever; and Nino was determined to make sure everyone see it, too.   
  
One day, as he was walking around in Roppongi, he saw a rising-in-popularity idol entering a love hotel with a guy. Without thinking about it twice, he pulled out his phone and took a picture. He sold his first picture at the age of twenty-one. After university graduation he already knew what he would do. He had most of the money and with his instinct he was sure he’d be successful. In only two years, his _trashy_ newspaper was selling well. He knew what he was publishing was considered by the rest in his field trash. But there was a big difference: everything published in _his_ newspaper was no rumor. He had people that would make sure to double-check everything before each ‘scandal’ found its place on the pages. He only published the truth.     
  
His life continued in the same pattern. But lately things weren’t going the way he wanted. Sho’s visit in his office, that Aiba Masaki’s decision for a press conference, his words… everything was giving him headaches and leaving him pass sleepless nights. Especially that day nothing was going smoothly. There was a delay at the printing of some extra pages, there were reschedules at the appointments with managers and agencies’ representatives who tried to make a compromise so that the scandals of their idols, actors and singers would be kept in the drawer, there was a delay at the transfer of a large sum of money to his personal bank account and it didn’t end there. This morning, Nino was surprised to find that his favorite melon pan wasn’t waiting for him on his desk as always. His new assistant had made a mistake. What had she thought when she happily left that curry pan? Why must she remind him of _that_ person? And after having spent thirty minutes to yell at her and explain what he expected from now on, Nino was pissed to find out that his coffee had already turned cold.   
  
Once again it was dark… once again he would go to his empty apartment… once again he would eat cup noodles and play his favorite games… once again there would be no _welcome back_ … He felt his eyes tearing up and cursed out loud as he pressed the elevator button like a maniac for the nth time. Why would he have to wait for the elevator for two whole minutes? _Damn this Aiba Masaki and damn Sakurai Sho! I’m fine! I’m perfectly fine!_ He was desperate to convince himself for that… He didn’t want to think… It only made him weak and he had made a promise to himself not to _ever_ be one. Once the doors opened with the characteristic bell sound, he entered, pressed the number zero and let his back lean against the mirror behind. His eyes remained closed as he tried to take deep breaths. He had to fight it. He wouldn’t cry…   
  
Everything seemed peaceful around him as he walked down the street after having bought his favorite cup noodles for dinner. He had almost reached his car when he heard yells and curses. _Is someone fighting?_ Curious, he walked till the corner, his eyes bulging at the sight in front of him. It was no one else but his latest “star” prey. Matsumoto Jun had caught a man, undoubtedly a paparazzi, by the collar of his coat while cursing every word existed in his vocabulary. Nino gasped when he saw the actor punching the other who ended up falling on the ground.   
  
Nino had the chance to see the fallen man’s face. _Ah! I know him… He’s from Shukan Bunshun…_ Nino clicked his tongue on his teeth annoyed. _I am the one who brought this up! They can stay loyal to their blah-blah rumors!_ He was ready to go closer to the two men when Jun’s words made his legs freeze on the spot.   
  
“You’ve ruined me! Why the fuck are you still following me?! I have no movies, no dramas, no CMs, I have no one! Got that? _No one_! Aren’t you happy? Isn’t that enough?!”   
  
There was desperation in his words… a desperation that Nino was too familiar with. He bit his lower lip, a sharp pain making his heart throb against his chest. That anger… that hurtful anger… he knew it so damn well…   
  
“Please…! Not the camera!” the paparazzi begged Jun who now had the camera in his hand.   
  
“Look at me!” Jun growled angrily as he was ready to break it to pieces with his foot.   
  
“Excuse me!”   
  
Jun turned around frowning. To his surprise, the one who had spoken was a small-figured man who didn’t look older than twenty-five years old. But his aura… there was something cold about him… and that stare… that stare felt like piercing deep down his soul. He had an unreadable smirk as he came closer and kneeled by Jun’s side to get the camera in his hands. He quickly pressed some buttons. _Is he deleting my photos?_ Jun couldn’t believe it.   
  
“You… listen to me carefully!” his voice was showing no trace of anger. It was controlled but nevertheless imposing. “This here never happened... And because I feel generous tonight I’d suggest you head to ‘Beardy Chick’ at Ni-chome. I’m sure your boss will be more than satisfied with the small party that takes place there as we’re speaking” he pulled the paparazzi up. “You should learn to stick to what’s on your level… _Got me_?”   
  
The paparazzi only nodded and ran away, as fast as possible. Jun would swear that he looked afraid of the smaller man or at least, as if he didn’t want to get into trouble with him. Jun was left there standing without being able to grasp anything. _Why_ had he helped him? Jun felt confused… confused and unease. The cases where he had felt like that weren’t many yet this man had this impact on him. He was only staring at him with that same, mysterious stare and that was enough.   
  
For some reason he couldn’t understand, Jun found himself wanting to know _who_ this person truly was… _what_ he wanted… because _everyone_ wanted something from him; that happened since the very beginning but the scale was way different after the revelation of his scandal and his break-up with Masaki. Even his own agency… they had asked for a ridiculous guarantee to let him remain under their label but he decided to agree. He had lost Masaki, he had lost most of his friends; he just couldn’t bear losing his job as well. He loved it too much to choose something else over it.   
  
Lost as he was in his thoughts, he didn’t take notice that the other was already walking away. Without a second thought, he rushed to him, grabbing him by his elbow.   
  
“Who are you? And… why did you-?”   
  
It might have been his own mind playing with him but he’d swear he saw the other losing the control he had shown till then. That didn’t last for more than a couple of seconds though because after one blink, all he could see was the other smirking.   
  
“If I let you destroy that third-level paparazzi’s camera, then you’d be on the headlines for being aggressive and violent… and that wouldn’t be the exact truth… because the one who was ready to do that was your _frustrated_ self… and frustration is a case of extremity… not logic…”   
  
Nino tried to free himself from the actor but the grip didn’t loosen. He wanted to leave because even if the other asked him a million times, he still wouldn’t be in position to answer any of his questions. Not because he didn’t want to but because he didn’t know the answer himself. Normally, he wouldn’t give a fuck, yet that cry of emptiness, he had distinguished in Jun’s voice, made him move forward before he had the chance to realize what he was doing. Once again he was turning weak… and he hated it.   
  
_He knows who I am…_ Jun thought and smiled bitterly. _Of course, he would!_ “You seem to know much. Who are you?” he asked again, not knowing himself why he insisted this much.   
  
Nino sighed. _Stubborn…_ “Someone who knows how things work… Now, if you excuse me!”   
  
“Tell me your name...” Jun muttered under his breath.   
  
Nino sighed again before bringing his eyes up to the taller man’s. He couldn’t help but gasp. He had never had the chance to look at the other from this close or, if he should be completely honest with himself, he had _chosen_ to never truly look at the other. He had tracked him down personally several times in the past, before the publication, but never got interested in getting closer to him. Yet now he had and it strangely made him lose his composure. His eyes were beautiful… almond shaped with a warm shade of brown but in the same time they were red, filled with tears that were threatening to fall but above all, sad… His heart started beating faster as he felt a strange urge to make that sadness leave away. These eyes were too beautiful to be sad. He shook his head trying to get rid of all the weird thoughts that had started climbing up to his mind. _That’s ridiculous… I guess I miss more sleep than I thought._   
  
“You can call me Nino! There you are! Can I leave now?” Nino said irritated.   
  
“Nino…” Jun repeated with a small frown, looking as if it was his chance to think.   
  
Nino found this chance to escape and go to his car. _I have my game waiting for me… Enough of this…_ He had unlocked the doors when he heard Jun’s voice again.   
  
“Would you like to go for a drink with me? I know a bar nearby…”   
  
“Huh?!” Nino couldn’t believe his ears. Had the other just asked him for…?   
  
“As a thank you…” Jun added fast.   
  
Nino knew better because he had done the same, so he immediately threw the dice. “I’d call it more as a prologue for _sex_. Aren’t I right?”   
  
Jun smirked lowering his head. “Fine. Let’s go with your version. What would your answer be?”   
  
Nino was ready to decline when he was suddenly pressed against the other, his body trembling at the hotness the actor’s body was emitting. How long had it been since the last time he had had sex? He couldn’t remember… but it must have been a while because he felt his mind already going blurry. _Damn… It’s a mistake…_ He knew it was a mistake. He knew that the other wanted to forget… to not think… In any other case he wouldn’t have declined but this time it was different. He didn’t have a nameless man who would let him fuck him in the toilets of a club or in a hotel room. This time he knew who the other was and he knew that he was emotionally broken and that somehow was dangerous. This man had brought up feelings well hidden in the darkest corner of his heart till then, making him weak, vulnerable…   
  
“Fluttered but-” Nino tried to find the power to resist but the more he did so, the more the other wouldn’t let go.   
  
“You’re cute, you know…” Jun cut him off.   
  
Nino managed to push the taller man away. “I have things to do. Ok?”   
  
“What?! Boil water?” Jun asked pointing at the bag Nino was still holding.   
  
“Why don’t you go find someone else?” Nino asked, tired of pretending anymore. “I’m sure there would be many _cute_ guys out there who’d like you to get in their pants!”   
  
“Yes… along with the extra money that would enter in theirs after selling information and photos in the media…”   
  
“And what makes you think that _I_ wouldn’t do that?”   
  
“You wouldn’t have been involved like that earlier…”   
  
“And how can you be sure that I didn’t do what I did only because I wanted it for _myself_?”   
  
“I just do…”   
  
Nino laughed. “You have no idea who I am…”   
  
“I just know I want you tonight!” Jun said to both his and Nino’s surprise.   
  
It was obvious that this was something the small-figured guy in front of him didn’t expect. Jun got the chance and locked their lips together, a small moan escaping from his throat when he felt the other’s hands wrapping around his neck, as he made their bodies stick together.   
  
Nino was screaming internally but couldn’t stop himself from opening his mouth encouraging the other to deepen the kiss. This was unquestionably a mistake... but he couldn’t remember how long it was since a mistake had felt this good.   
  
His mind turned completely blank as he felt caresses, other softer and other more demanding, being spread all over his naked torso, moving lower in a slow, teasing way. He found himself screaming out loud as two hot lips wrapped around his erected member covering it with a wonderful heat. His fists were grabbing the sheets in an attempt to not fall apart as the other moved inside of him, fast and hard, making him see stars behind his closed eyes leaving his mouth agape in ecstasy.   
  
Nino looked at the sleeping figure next to him. It had been intense… passionate… perfect. Suddenly, he felt tears in his eyes. Why should that word come to his mind again? And above all… _Why with Matsumoto Jun?_   
  
***   
  
Masaki looked at the man who was holding his hand as he led him fast away from the cameras and flashes that were waiting for him right next to the exit.   
  
It had been a couple of weeks since he started to try his luck at auditions for stage plays that were to open in small theatres. His CMs as well as his upcoming drama were cancelled. He knew he had to change the jobs he was looking for, if he wanted to remain in the field. He was no longer the pure, angel-looking “star”; he was the one who had been used and had cheated his boyfriend, the one who had kept everything a secret pretending to be fine. Yet he didn’t want to stop trying. He loved acting. He needed it like he needed the oxygen to be alive.   
  
Without a manager it was quite difficult to get the information but he didn’t want to lose his hope. He always said that he tried to smile because that way something good would happen. It had been his motto since he was a teenager and was bullied at school for his choice to participate at the drama club and not at the basketball one. He was determined to keep it even during these emotional hardships. Starting over felt as if he was twenty years old again, reminding him the way he used to hope, make dreams and that gave him a bittersweet sentiment. A new start, like every new thing or situation in life, held fear and excitement in the same time.   
  
Lately, he would hear people murmuring things like ‘poor him… to be used like that…’. Jun had made sure everyone found out those aspects of Takizawa which the latter had tried to keep a secret. Masaki knew that his former boyfriend couldn’t stand unfairness but that hadn’t brought him any satisfaction. Everyone would pity him and the media would still be eager to follow his every step.   
  
Being followed by paparazzi that were waiting everywhere for you like birds of prey or being pointed at by passers-by as you walked down the street to go to the combini of your neighborhood wasn’t pleasant but Masaki was determined to fight. He had realized it was time for the media to exploit the misery. No job, almost no friends, no chances… only pity. It was phase two, as he had named it in his mind. He knew how the entertainment world worked but still found hard to accept it on that scale. It wasn’t that he was naïve but it still made him wonder why it should be like a jungle full of predators.   
  
Sho though had stayed by his side since the day of his press conference. He still remembered the latter’s words. It was those four words that had given him strength when he was ready to fall apart.   
  
\---   
  
_“Sakurai. My name is Sakurai Sho…”_  
  
_Masaki stared at the man in front of him. His eyes… Those eyes were piercing right in his soul. He had always been someone who kept most of the things for himself. He might look social but in reality, he didn’t like opening up to people. He had a couple of childhood friends and only one from his working field. Those were the ones that knew everything about him. And then there was this journalist. Sakurai Sho…_  
  
_Somehow, it felt as if he was an open book for the other and he didn’t know how to do about it. Was he supposed to stay away? Was he supposed to let him stay? Was he supposed to bring him closer? He was confused._  
  
_“I’ve been following your steps from the very beginning. I always admired that passion you had. Even when the critics were negative, you’d still face them with a smile. ‘I love criticism because it only makes me work harder to reach my goal… I know I am not the biggest natural talent in acting but I know that what I’m the best at is not to give up’. That had been one of your first interviews at the magazine I was having my internship and I’ll be honest. It had impressed me. I mean, you could easily just focus on exploiting your looks but you didn’t. You never went for roles that were based on the image… You wanted depth… You challenged things and never chose the easy way. Somehow, you helped me get over the fact that I was yelled from morning to night or called useless as a journalist...” Sho laughed bitterly. “And I still admire you because today you proved that you still remain the very same fighter. You were a fighter, Aiba-san and you still are…”_  
  
_Masaki didn’t know what to reply to that. He kept looking at the man for several minutes silent._  
  
_“I’m sorry for taking your time… I just wanted to know that not everyone shares the same idea for you…”_  
  
_Masaki didn’t know what to do. The truth was that he didn’t want to be alone at the moment. He might be a fighter, as this journalist had just called him, but he felt weak… he always needed someone to help him remain focused… to cheer him up. He needed a friend by his side. Someone who would understand him and not judge him. He still didn’t want to go back to Chiba though. He didn’t want his parents see him like this. The journalist was turning the other way to leave when Masaki made a few steps forwards._  
  
_“Would you like to go for a coffee? I need it after… this…”_  
  
_The other looked at him and smiled nodding understandingly. “Of course…”_  
  
_They went to a small one a few blocks away. The owners were an old couple that seemed not to recognize Masaki. Sho had spoken of his favorite theatrical pieces… It was obvious that he had a great interest in them making Masaki forget about everything. Two hours had passed by and the conversation was still passionate. Masaki felt calmer than he had ever been these past few months. It felt as if he didn’t need to try with this man, as if they knew each other for years._  
  
_Sho had managed to make him laugh… and he needed that… He needed someone who could make him laugh…_  
  
\---   
  
Since then, Sho would be there for Masaki. It was funny how different he and Jun were in Masaki’s eyes yet somehow similar. Sho would always make sure to cheer him up when he was feeling blue, he would always not let him lose hope. Masaki had to admit that little by little, Sho was becoming someone important in his life. Even when they weren’t able to meet, Sho would still send him a text, asking how it had been and try to take his mind away from sadness, if he suspected so. He had an intuition that made Masaki wonder about… It had felt as if the other already knew him. Masaki wanted to believe that it was because the other was _really_ _looking_ at him.   
  
He wasn’t an idiot. He knew that Sho liked him; he had caught him numerous times staring at him with eyes that reflected something more than friendship but had never tried to advance or actually do something. The more time they passed together, the more Masaki wondered what he should do. It was something never spoken, yet he was sure that Sho knew he had realized it but never mentioned anything. The times when he felt that he was taking advantage of the other weren’t few. He wasn’t fair… Sho had given him everything. Masaki really did want to give _something_ back as well but he couldn’t do anything; not until he was 100% sure that he knew _what_ he felt.   
  
Things might have ended with Jun but it was still too soon. He had spent many nights missing the other’s scent and heat. He missed Jun… he missed the times he would place his head on his lap talking about nothing… He missed that pleasant silence… On the other hand, he had come to grow fond of the way the journalist was holding his hand when he saw a hidden camera waiting for Masaki… his toothy smile… But what if it was only gratefulness? Masaki was well aware that he couldn’t play with the other’s feelings; he had no right to. He cared for him too much to do so.   
  
Masaki sighed. _I don’t deserve to have you by my side…_ that thought kept replaying in his mind as they ran to escape. They managed to get into a cab without being caught.   
  
“Now, we can breathe!” Sho said once they were in trying to sound carefree but Masaki could trace the bitterness in his voice.   
  
“Thank you, Sakurai-kun…” Masaki’s voice was tiny. “I really thank you… even though I don’t know if I-”   
  
Sho only squeezed his hand. Once again there was this warm smile and understanding gaze.   
  
“Don’t start questioning yourself, Aiba-kun. I want to help you… and you deserve it…”   
  
A shy smile appeared on Masaki’s lips. “I really don’t know what I’d do without you…” his voice was low but it was the truth.   
  
“You’d still be fine… You’re a fighter, Aiba-kun. If you weren’t, they wouldn’t continue following you…”   
  
“You know them very well…”   
  
Sho sighed looking outside his window. “Unfortunately, I do…”   
  
  
***   
  
_One month later…_  
  
  
  
“Coming!” Sho opened the door surprised to find his best friend waiting for him. “Sato?”   
  
“Hey!”   
  
“What are you doing here?”   
  
“I need to speak to you…” Satoshi’s voice suddenly turned serious. “It’s about Ninomiya…”   
  
Sho made way for his friend to enter inside his apartment. It was unusual for Satoshi to visit him. Especially now when he had his next exhibition to organize. Only from a quick glance, Sho knew it was something serious.   
  
“Would you prefer tea or coffee?”   
  
“Coffee…”   
  
Sho nodded and went to the kitchen to prepare the drinks. Five minutes later, they were sitting on the sofa, both holding their cups.   
  
“What happened?”   
  
“Have you seen him lately? Have you talked to him?” the smaller man asked, his voice showing concern, agony.   
  
Sho lowered his head. “No matter how many times I’ve approached him, he always refuses to listen to me… In his eyes, I’m as guilty as you…”   
  
“To be fair, he does have right up to a point. I’d also be angry, if I was him…”   
  
“But he’s stubborn and denies to face the truth. We’re not fifteen… All he does is to hurt himself. I could see that since back then…”   
  
“You know that Ninomiya is sensitive, Sho… and I hurt him… deeply…”   
  
Sho looked at his friend. He knew that Satoshi did care for Nino; perhaps not the way the other wished for but even like that, it meant that he wasn’t his enemy; something that Nino denied to accept.   
  
“He’s absolute… ” Sho murmured.   
  
“If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be Ninomiya”   
  
Sho sighed. Satoshi was right. He wouldn’t be _him_ … “So, what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?”   
  
“I heard it from a friend… his paper faces the threat of a lawsuit”   
  
Sho gasped. _Nino…_ “Why am I not surprised?!” he mumbled, a bitter smile appearing on his face.   
  
Satoshi grabbed him by the sleeve. “He won’t listen to me but he may listen to you. You work in a way in the same field. You have connections. Even if you can’t talk to him, then perhaps do something to help him? It will destroy him completely…”   
  
“But… Satoshi…”   
  
“You still care for him, Sho. He’s your friend. Look, I don’t know what has happened but I feel that he’s changed. Especially after the issue about the two actors… You know this Matsumoto and Aiba-”   
  
Satoshi didn’t have the chance to finish his words as a loud bang was heard behind them. Sho’s eyes bulged when he saw the man he was in love with looking at them with tearful eyes, his beautiful face showing nothing but shock and disappointment.   
  
“You are a friend of Ninomiya Kazunari…! What the hell…? That’s why back then at the interview… you already knew… and you were waiting for the right moment to make your move…”   
  
“Aiba-kun, please… I-”   
  
“You’re the worst Sakurai Sho! The worst!”   
  
Sho couldn’t move from his spot. It had been last week when he had given the other a spare key to his apartment. _“For whenever you feel that you want someone to talk to…”_ was what he had said… Now, these words were echoing in his ears. His eyes moved from the door that had been closed with force to the bag on the floor. He kneeled and looked inside. There was his favorite pie along with two pieces of chocolate cake.   
  
_Masaki…_  


 

  
  
TO BE CONTINUED…

  

 

 


	4. Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

Author: Andy-chan ([](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/profile)[ **antimiya88**](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/) )

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)

Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, ~~unfortunately~~.

 

 

Part 4 

  


Jun turned around and looked at the man sleeping next to him. With the first sunrays invading in the room, he could see noticeable marks around his neck and lower on his torso. He felt an irresistible desire to trace them with his fingers when remembering how that skin had felt against his. He couldn’t describe why but the attraction, that was burning him inside, was still as strong as last night. It wasn’t that he hadn’t felt lust towards Masaki… He could still remember numerous crazy, passionate nights that neither wanted them to end but this time it was different. This time it felt as if his body was lost in the desert and had suddenly found an oasis made just for him.  
  
It didn’t feel like a one-night stand. Usually, in such cases, there would be no real connection… the kisses would be avoided… while with this man, now asleep on his bed, he felt a connection; a connection he was sure it wasn’t one-sided. It was his eyes… his beautiful, almond-shaped eyes that pierced through his soul. As if they didn’t need to say anything; they had already said everything just by looking at each other. Jun had seen them… the tears that the other tried not to shed while he was thrusting inside him. He knew they weren’t tears of pain or displeasure as he knew they weren’t tears of pleasure, as well. They were probably tears of surprise… of a mix of emotions they both shared. The way the small-figured man’s hands had been clawing on his back was desperate, it betrayed his need for touch, closeness…  
  
That cold, provocative tone that Jun had heard him using when he had spoken to the paparazzi had given its place to a shy, almost hesitant to plead one. His voice was so much more beautiful like that… it felt real… honest… free for every mask he had to put on because of the society and its rules. When the other came too cuddle close to him, curling up, his hand searching for his, Jun felt as if he was holding in his arms a wounded, afraid, little kitten that above all needed love and protection… He knew nothing about this man yet he felt as if he knew so much.  
  
And to his surprise, Jun had slept better than he had in a few months.   
  
After his last night with Masaki, he had decided to let everyone say whatever they wanted and mourn… _“A break-up is another form of a small death”_ was what his mother had told him when he was still in junior high school and his father left their home. Back then, he couldn’t understand what his mother’s words truly meant. She had never let herself break down in front of him but now he knew… she would do so when she was sure no one would see her.   
  
He had tried to stay calm but when he saw the way everyone attacked Masaki during his press conference he swore he wouldn’t let it pass like that. That man had made him suffer but he wasn’t the only one to blame. Like Masaki had supported back then, it takes two to reach this point and Jun knew the largest part was because of him… he had been too stubborn to let Masaki speak. Of course, that didn’t change anything; once the glass is broken, it can’t become brand new but he still felt guilty and that made him angrier.   
  
He would be followed whenever he leaved the apartment. He was sure some of his neighbors were paid by all those shitty papers to inform the paparazzi when he was coming out. It seemed they still weren’t satisfied. He thought with the time the whole scandal around his and Masaki’s name would faint but no… their names were still selling. _The price of fame…_ he had come to conclude bitterly hoping that his ex was coping with the whole thing.  
  
His nights were usually restless. No matter how tired he was, sleep would deny his visit. Most of the times, Jun ended up closing his eyes, exhausted, for a couple of hours after the sun had risen. Yet this night was different, calm. He had surprisingly managed to dive into a calm, dreamless sleep.  
  
He stared at the man sleeping on Masaki’s side. It was foreign and in the same time natural, familiar; as if this Nino could have this side. Before he could realize, what he was doing, Jun was already leaning closer to the other, his lips pressing softly on the small forehead. His lips curved into a shy smile when he saw him frowning in his sleep.  
  
_Cute…_ he thought and smiled wider. Suddenly his smile disappeared, sitting up on the bed as sudden fear filled his heart. Why was he doing this to himself? Why was he allowing himself believe in something it most probably didn’t exist in the first place? Was he really ready for another possible disappointment? He buried his face in his palms trying to ease his fast heartbeat.   
  
He almost screamed, startled, when he felt two arms wrapping around his waist and a mouth almost attached on his nape.  
  
“Don’t feel agitated...” the words were spoken softly, almost like a whisper.  
  
“I woke you up?” Jun asked without turning his head to the other. He was afraid of what he would come across with. It was the time for goodbye anyway…  
  
A soundless gasp left his throat when the small hand cupped his right cheek causing him to turn so that their eyes could meet. “I was awake… and I could feel you staring at me… kissing me… caressing me…”  
  
“Sorry about that. My emotions are on a roller-coaster lately. The bathroom is the second door on your left” Jun tried to stand up but a grip on his wrist forbid him from making a step forwards.  
  
“We both know that this night meant something… I can’t name it… I don’t know what it was but I’m sure I’m not the only one who felt it… Your eyes…” Nino came closer till he was sitting on Jun’s lap, his hands cupping both his cheeks, his eyes locked on the other’s. “Exactly like _my_ eyes didn’t lie…”  
  
“We are strangers…” Jun mumbled hoping the flutter in his heart would stop. What was happening? Why did this man have such an impact on him? No… This wasn’t him… He always made each step carefully, took every decision after judging with clear mind its pros and cons, yet here he was with this man on his lap, wanting nothing more but feel him again… _Why?_  
  
“I know. I was trying to reason myself all night… but then this morning when I felt your hot breath on my skin, feeling your warmth this close… I realized that I didn’t need to reason anything. Sometimes logic has no place…”  
  
“This is crazy… It was only-”  
  
“Sex?” Jun saw the way Nino’s eyes saddened. “I’ve had nameless sex in my life. Many times; and I can assure you… what we had last night could be many things but only sex. No… I can see it in your eyes, like I’m sure you can see it in mine…”  
  
“But I can’t give you-” Jun didn’t finish his words as he felt the smaller man hugging him tightly, almost desperately.  
  
“I don’t ask for commitment, nor a relationship. I can’t give them like I know you can’t either… But I know there’s something… a connection… We can understand each other more than we dare to admit… why don’t we just continue without putting on labels?”  
  
Jun gasped when he felt something hot on his shoulder. _Is that…? Is he crying?_ He made the other look at him, feeling his heart clench. This man in front of him was like him; afraid to give in someone, afraid to love, hurt… Yes, he was right. They did understand each other more than they could admit. He leaned closer, his eyes locked on the half-parted lips. He said nothing… there was nothing more to say. He locked them together, this time slowly. Jun felt the other stiffening for a moment before a muffled sob of relief left the back of his throat. Nino had understood that he had just given him his answer.  
  
Since then, they continued on meeting frequently. Surprisingly, Jun felt as if he wasn’t followed by paparazzi anymore. He felt as if he could breathe again. Nino wouldn’t open up to him, the same way he avoided speaking much about himself. They weren’t boyfriends, neither sex buddies nor were they friends. They were just two people trying to find their faith to humanity back…   
  
They usually met at a secluded restaurant, recommended by Nino. They would have dinner, drink a couple of beers before going back to Jun’s apartment. Feeling the other so intimately was starting becoming addictive, as if they couldn’t have enough of each other, always craving for more. It had always been slow, giving, fulfilling yet passionate, intense enough to make their hearts explode.  
  
Jun would wake up every morning feeling lighter inside; he was finding his optimism back… It was strange. If Masaki was the sunshine, Nino was a cloud ready to throw tons of water and lightning but somehow, he had a similar effect on him. He had brought back his smile; a smile of which Jun had forgotten the existence.  
  
~.~.~  
  
It was Friday and Jun had a very important audition. It was for an indie movie. He loved cinema more than anything so he wanted to try. Before the scandal, he had the leading roles in the biggest productions, now those roles were banned for him but that was what made it more magical. He was exploring another part of himself, like Nino had insisted, and he wanted to take the challenge.  
  
He poured hot coffee in a mug when he heard his phone vibrating. A smile appeared when he saw who had texted him.  
  
From: **Nino**  
Good luck today!   
Show them what a true star   
really means, J!  
  
The hours seemed like eternity. He was receiving many curious and disapproving gazes but didn’t pay attention. He was there for a goal. When he was called inside he was met with only two people, the director and the producer, unlike the big productions. He did what he was asked with a clear mind, smiling satisfied when he heard the director’s genuine applause. He might have done it.  
  
Once he left, he took out his phone to call Nino, surprised to see him across the street. _He came for me?_ He almost ran to him stopping abruptly when he saw a small-figured, tanned man calling Nino ‘Kazunari’. Jun frowned. It was obvious that this man, whoever he was, knew Nino well, making Jun smile bitterly. He still didn’t know his first name.  
  
“Ninomiya for you!” Nino replied in an offensive tone. “And what the hell are you doing here?”  
  
“My gallery is here, Kazunari…”   
  
“Then, go to your gallery, Ohno-san and stop calling me Kazunari. My name is Ninomiya or perhaps you have selective memory?”  
  
“Sho is right. You’re not happy…”  
  
“I _am_ happy!” Nino shouted even louder this time.  
  
“You are?!”  
  
“Yes, I am!”   
  
“When you destroy so many people’s lives?”   
  
“I won’t continue this conversation…”  
  
“I know… like _you_ know that what you’re doing doesn’t make you happy. When we were together you always spoke of the yellow press with the worst words, yet now you publish one of the biggest… I know you, Kazunari. You are not happy…”   
  
Jun was frozen on his spot, the stranger man’s words keeping replaying in his mind. _“Yellow Press… publish one of the biggest… Kazunari… Ninomiya…” That’s why paparazzi sopped following me? You gave them the order? How stupid…_ He bit his lower lip trying to muffle a sob that was threatening to come to the surface.  
  
He could see the way Nino was trying to calm himself, once this Ohno left him, even if he had his back on him. Jun smiled bitterly… _I came to know you this well so soon? What for?_ He didn’t know how much time he had been standing there when the other decided to turn around. He could distinguish the surprise in Nino’s eyes.  
  
“I don’t know all your methods, Ninomiya-san but I admit that getting involved personally after having caused everything is at least audacity. Have a nice day…”   
  
“No! Jun!” Jun felt a tight grip on his elbow. “Please, let me explain… I didn’t mean to-”  
  
Jun said nothing. He freed his hand and made a nod to a taxi he saw coming to their direction. Once the door was opened, he turned to look at the other who had a mixed look of sadness, surprise, shock and desperation written all over his face.   
  
“We don’t need to name it, do we?” and with that entered without throwing a second glance.  
  
***  
  
“How can I help you, gentlemen?” Nino asked politely when he saw two men entering his office. He knew they were lawyers and he could already guess what they wanted.  
  
“We represent, Aino Mariko-san and Yoshikawa Jin-san’s agencies”  
  
“Let me guess. Lawsuit against the paper?” he wanted to sound unaffected, arrogant but doubted that he was succeeding in it.   
  
It had been one week since Jun left him. One week without seeing him, hearing his voice, feeling his body against his… He was missing him. He knew he was playing with fire but he couldn’t help it; he could now admit it… he had fallen in love at first sight. Was that connection, that deeper, mutual understanding at fault? Maybe… but the result was the same.  
  
He didn’t care about anything. He didn’t have the power to continue… So, he had published an adultery story without having checked it out before. Perhaps, it was the only way to be stopped…  
  
That night he didn’t care to change his clothes; not even to turn on the lights. He just drank…   
  
~.~.~  
  
It was three in the morning when Jun was woken up by his phone. Frowning, he took it in his hands to see who had sent him a text this late.  
  
From: **98383272**  
I’m sorry but I need to   
name it. I love you, Jun…  
  
***  
  
Masaki tried to get rid of his images that kept coming in his mind. He honestly thought that he had found someone who had chosen to be by his side because he really cared… not because he was following a plan to satisfy himself. _And me the stupid believed in him… I really believed that everything that he did was true… that he was doing all that because he cared for me when he only cared for himself… All he wanted was to get me in the bed…_ Tears filled up his eyes. _I guess I must have something on me since everyone lately want to have their way with me… Takizawa… now him… Or perhaps that’s my punishment… for having betrayed the one man who truly loved me…_  
  
He buried his face on his palms letting his head rest on his knees. He was sitting by the window, at the corner of his living room which was the only one with a view at the small park across the street. It had a calming effect on him. He didn’t remember how many hours he had spent there, at the very same spot and he didn’t care to remember. Sakurai Sho had managed little by little to find his way into his heart. He couldn’t say that he loved him yet but he had caught himself smiling sheepishly at the thought of the other, always looking forward to passing more and more time with him. He had started feeling warm and secure inside… It was different from the way he felt when he was with Jun but it made his heart flutter in a similar way.    
  
When he stood up, it was already dark outside. He walked slowly into the kitchen to prepare something to eat. From the next morning, he was starting rehearsals for a theatrical show and he couldn’t cause the slightest problem. He wasn’t the star anymore and if he hated not to be a nuisance once, now he couldn’t afford it by any means. He was starting from scratch and he was determined to succeed.  
  
As he opened the refrigerator, his eyes fell on a small plastic red bento. He took it in his hands and threw it with force on the floor. “Damn you! Damn you and your fake care!”  
  
The confusion had started that morning… that morning he saw _his_ face on his bed, making him realize that it was a picture he wanted to see again.   
  
~.~.~  
  
_Three weeks ago…_  
  
  
It was the day after the audition. Masaki had exhausted himself during these last weeks, attending many auditions per day while working the night-shift in the local combini for complementing the money necessary for his yearly health insurance guarantee. He had felt weird since the early afternoon but when he started being way too dizzy, he had to leave earlier and managed with difficulty to reach his small apartment. In the past, whenever he’d fall ill, Jun would take care of him but now he had no boyfriend. He had to take care of himself alone. He knew that Sho was working till late at night and he had no right to bother him. Thankfully, he managed to enter in his apartment without falling and take a quick shower. He hoped it would help him but the dizziness was only turning worse.  
  
He was lying on his sofa when he heard his phone buzzing.   
  
From: **Sho**  
I passed by the combini just to learn that you   
weren’t feeling well. Why did you leave without  
telling me anything? What if you fell?  
I’m coming over!  
  
Less than ten minutes later, Masaki heard his door bell ringing. With difficulty, he managed to open it almost crushing against the other who was fast enough to catch him before he found himself on the floor.  
  
“Easy…” Sho said softly as he helped Masaki sit back on the sofa. He closed the door and after taking his coat off and placing the bag he was holding on the kitchen table, he grabbed Masaki carefully by his waist securing his left hand around his shoulders and helped him to stand so that they could reach the latter’s bedroom.  
  
He placed him on the bed before looking around for pajamas. “Raise your hands, Aiba-kun”   
  
Masaki, despite his condition, felt his heart beat accelerating. He frowned confused. At first, he tried to convince himself that it was the dizziness that made him feel flustered like that but then, he could feel the other’s hot breath on the top of his head as he helped him put on the top of his pajamas making his heart skip a beat. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard the other saying something about his legs. He opened his eyes and realized that Sho wanted him to help him put on the bottom, as well. It felt as if his skin was burning at the slightest touch and now he was sure that it wasn’t because of his fever.  
  
“Here you are…” Sho muttered as he covered him with his blanket. “Do you perhaps feel cold?” he asked him softly as he placed his palm on Masaki’s forehead to check on his temperature.  
  
Masaki shook his head negatively. He looked at the other’s eyes, realizing perhaps for the first time how beautiful they made him feel inside just by looking at them.   
  
“I’ve brought you some soup… Let me warm it up a bit, ok?”  
  
Masaki saw him getting out of his room before turning his gaze to his clothes that were carefully folded on the chair. His heart was still beating funnily. _What’s wrong with me?_ He could still feel his head spinning around but he couldn’t deny that having the other by his side was making him so much stronger… _It might be because I feel weak at the moment…_ _Yes… that should be it…_ He had always been the type to love receiving this type of care when he wasn’t feel well enough. This was the first time in a long time that he was alone so Sho’s presence by his side inevitably made him have all these confusing thoughts. He had almost calmed himself down when he saw the other coming back with a bowl of hot chicken soup.   
  
“What… What are you doing?” he asked bewildered when he realized that the other had sat at the edge of the bed, ready to feed him.  
  
“I thought that you needed help to eat… Sorry…”  
  
Masaki bit his lower lip guiltily. He didn’t like the sadness that had covered Sho’s eyes as he spoke.   
  
“No… it’s just that you really don’t need to… I mean… you have come and done all this and-”  
  
“I didn’t do it because I _needed_ to but because I _wanted_ to…”  
  
Masaki could feel his heart accelerating once more and this time he could find no excuse.   
  
“Uhm… I…” his voice was weak, almost hesitant. “I wouldn’t mind some help…”  
  
Sho smiled and immediately took the spoon in hand. “I’m here for you, Aiba-kun!”  
  
Masaki smiled. Yes… he wanted Sho to be there for him…  
  
The next morning, Masaki woke up feeling a lot better. He still was a bit hot but the dizziness had gone. He sat on his bed, his eyes bulging when they met the sleeping figure of Sho, his body being in fetal position on the floor with his head resting on his hands at the end of the bed.   
  
_He passed the whole night here?!_ He got off the bed trying to make as little noise as possible and went closer to the other man. He kneeled at his side looking at his angel-looking face. Masaki saw it this close for the first time and couldn’t deny that it was beautiful, bathed as it was in the sunrays that reached the bed through the window. It was beautiful and gentle… but also tired. He could see the dark cycles underneath the closed eyes and Masaki’s heart clenched. Was he selfish for needing him there? Unconsciously, his hand came to trace feather-like the left cheek, his heart jumping funnily once again at the contact. Somehow, it felt familiar… like home.  
  
The other frowned and growling softly, opened his eyes trying to adjust to the sunlight. “Masaki…?”  
  
Masaki took his hand away but didn’t stop smiling. He was called by his first name… it might be the fact that the other was still half asleep but couldn’t be happier. “Good morning!” he whispered tilting his head on the side, enjoying Sho’s flushed face. They were still very close to each other but Masaki had decided not to leave.  
  
“Are… are you feeling better?” Sho asked in a stuttering way.  
  
“I am, thanks to you…” Masaki whispered and passed his hand softly through Sho’s hair. “Why did you stay here?”  
  
Sho cleared his throat as he tried to stand up despite the numbness he felt at his right leg. “I wanted to make sure you’d be fine… The night hours are always worse…”  
  
“What I meant is why you stayed curled like that? I’m sure your neck hurts now…”  
  
“But…”   
  
“I have an extra futon in the cupboard and, so you know, I wouldn’t mind if you slept by my side… You’ve proven me hundreds of times that you’re a gentleman, Sho-kun…” Masaki smiled when he saw the way the other looked at him when he spoke his first name. “I hope from now on you keep calling me, Masaki, too! I liked how it sounded when you said it earlier!”  
  
Sho was left speechless. It was the first time that the actor was accepting his presence this much. It almost felt as if he had the chance. From the moment, he saw him falling in his arms, he had decided he’d stay there the night. He couldn’t bear the idea of Masaki being ill and all alone. He might fall and Sho didn’t want that.  He knew the other hadn’t truly given him space but he couldn’t leave like that. He could see how shy he was as he had helped him change into his pajamas… he could see how he was hesitating when he had tried to feed him… but he could also see the way his beautiful lips had curved into a smile when he had placed a cold plaster on his forehead for the fever or when he had covered him with his blanket.  
  
Sho’s heart almost melt at the view of the calm, deeply asleep Masaki. He sat at his side and placed a kiss on the top of his head. He wished he could slip at his side and hold him tightly, making sure he’s alright but he had no right. He sat on the floor and let his head on the bed. It was uncomfortable, especially after a long day in the office, but he didn’t care. What mattered was Masaki…   
  
If he had liked and admired the actor before, the more he got to know him, the more he found himself falling deeper and deeper in love. He was discovering more wonderful and sometimes, surprising, sides of his and Sho couldn’t help considering himself lucky that he had the chance to actually be by his side even if it wasn’t exactly the way he wanted. He had made a promise to himself; he’d take all the sadness away from the two most beautiful eyes he had ever seen.  
  
So, when he woke up and found Masaki being this close, looking at him with acceptance and something else that Sho hadn’t seen before, he felt as if he was dreaming. It was weird. They had been close quite a few times, yet this time felt… differently? He had called him Masaki and to his surprise, he saw the other smiling. When he heard him calling him by his first name, he was finally sure that something _was_ different and it wasn’t only _he_ who felt that way. Masaki’s pink cheeks, as he helped him sit on the bed, proved that this sweet awkwardness was reciprocal.   
  
They ate breakfast in a comfortable silence, broken by the sound of Masaki’s phone.   
  
“Hello?” Masaki’s eyes bulged. “You… You mean it?” his voice was loud, showing an enthusiasm, Sho hadn’t seen till then. “Of course! Thank you so much! I… I’ll be there!”  
  
Before Sho could realize what was happening, he found himself hugged by an overexcited Masaki who had thrown his arms around his shoulders, making their bodies attach to one another.   
  
“What happened?”  
  
Masaki moved a bit back so that he could see Sho’s eyes. “I did it, Sho! I did it! I got the role! This was the director! I’m starting rehearsals from next week!”  
  
Sho smiled wholeheartedly. Masaki beamed from happiness making him literally glowing. “I knew you could do it, Masaki! I knew it! Congratulations!”  
  
~.~.~  
  
“Why did your hug have to feel so right?! Damn you!” Masaki cursed again, tears blinding his eyesight. He hadn’t realized how much he had fallen for the other but that day… when he found out that everything was nothing more than a calculated-in-detail plan. Suddenly, he felt as if the apartment was suffocating him. “Screw everything. I need to get out of here! I need some air…” he grabbed a coat and his wallet and left.   
  
***  
  
It had been months since his legs brought him to the small bar he frequented when he still was with Jun. He smiled bitterly. _Now, I have no one…_  
  
He entered and headed directly to the bar.  “Tequila!” he ordered and took out his phone. He had left it closed the whole day. He opened it to find tens of missed calls and texts; all of them from _him_.  
  
He felt tears filling up his eyes but stubbornly, blinked them away.  
  
“Your tequila, Sir”  
  
Masaki drank it in one go enjoying the way it burnt his throat.  
  
“Haven’t you learnt that you shouldn’t drink like that?”  
  
Masaki’s eyes bulged. When he looked at his side, he found no one else but his ex-boyfriend being in a not much better state.  
  
“Jun…?”  
  
“Coincidences are funny! Don’t you think?” Jun mumbled as he finished his drink in one go.  
  
Masaki knew from Jun’s tone that he wasn’t referring to their encounter at the bar but at their state.   
  
“I guess we can never underestimate life’s games…” Masaki mumbled before ordering another tequila one-shot.  
  
“Don’t make the same mistake…” Jun’s words hit Masaki like lightning.  
  
He bit his lower lip. “While you can?”  
  
They looked at each other for a few seconds without saying anything. To Masaki’s surprise, Jun pulled out a few banknotes and threw them on the barstool before grabbing his wrist, pulling him out of the club.  
  
“Drunkenness only brings more problems. Go and figure things out without alcohol, Masaki. I don’t doubt that you will find the best solution. I always admired your way of thinking, simple and clear. Go!”  
  
Masaki hugged the other. “And you… don’t let doubt eat you inside… Speak… even if it hurts you…”  
  
Jun hugged the other back, surprised not to feel nervous… perhaps because above everything, they had always been good friends.  
  
“I’m sure he’s waiting…” Masaki was pushed in a taxi that immediately left.   
  
***  
  
With Jun’s words in his mind, he reached his floor, twenty minutes later, not believing whom he came across with. Sho, curled at the corner of his door waiting for him who knew for how many hours.   
  
“Stupid…” Masaki whispered knowing that it must’ve been freezing. “Sho! Sho!” he shook Sho’s shoulders a bit to wake him up.  
  
“Hmm?” Sho jumped up the moment he realized Masaki was in front of him. “Masaki!”  
  
“What are you doing here?” Masaki asked trying to not sound too emotional.  
  
“Please… listen to me…” Sho grabbed the other by his shoulders.  
  
“I believed in you… and you-”  
  
“Please… hear me out… please…” Sho’s plead was desperate.  
  
“Why should I listen to you, Sho? You-”  
  
“Because I love you, Masaki, and I know you love me, too…” Sho cut Masaki off.  
  
“No… I-” Masaki didn’t have the chance to speak or even remember what he wanted to say in the first place. Sho’s lips had already found his; eagerly, passionately, desperately.   
  


 

TO BE CONTINUED…

  


	5. Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

 Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

Author: Andy-chan ([](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/profile)[ **antimiya88**](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/) )

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)

Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, ~~unfortunately~~.

 

 

Part 5 

 

Jun was left staring at his phone. He couldn’t count the minutes he had spent reading Nino’s words again and again. ‘I love you’… Why did the other had to send him this text? Why did his heart have to clench this painfully? Unable to sleep, he got off his bed and walked into the kitchen. His small discussion with Masaki a couple of hours earlier had made him even more confused. A part of him knew that he should have contacted the other but another part still felt too hurt to do anything.  
  
He pressed the button of the kettle. A tea infusion might help him put his thoughts in order. He would be lying if he said that the other had meant nothing to him. From their first night together… Even during those moments of passion and lust there was a mutual understanding between them… and then it was all those moments, they had spent together… Those moments that had brought back Jun’s genuine smile.   
  
It had been years since he was able to smile like this… With time, before when he was still with Masaki, probably because of the amount of the work and all the pressure that had come to their relationship due to its exposure to the media, he had started feeling restrained, stiff. With Nino, though, he had found himself back or more correctly he was exploring a new side of himself, so far unknown… more daring… open… challenging. He had found a meaning… and after having been such a mess once he go to know who the other was, he could that he had fallen in love… way too deep.   
  
His eyes fell on the cigarette box, left on the kitchen table; a bitter smile appeared on his face. _You’re determined to always pop up into my head?! Aren’t you?!_   
  
~.~.~   
  
_“Where are you going?” Jun heard the smaller man mumbling in a whiny tone from the bed as he put back on his briefs._  
  
_“What? Missed me already?” he said in a mischievous way, loving that faint hint of blush that appeared on the other’s cheeks._  
  
_“No. I just fear that it will be you the one who’ll miss me! Your words from before, begging me to move, still echo in my ears…!”_  
  
_Jun muffled a laugh before leaning closer to Nino and pecking softly his lips. “I only said that because I could feel you would explode from minute to minute and it has to be **me** the one who gets satisfied first…” _  
  
_Nino threw his arms around Jun’s neck, looking straight into his eyes. “Seriously now… stay on the bed…”_  
  
_“I’m just going to grab my cigarettes from the living room. I’ll be right back…” Jun’s voice had lost its dominance and playfulness. It was almost weak… trembling… exactly like Nino’s._  
  
_The moment he came back to the bed, Nino grabbed Jun by his elbow, pushing him on his back so that he could let his head rest on the other’s naked torso, his ear close to the heart and his hand caressing feather-like the area around his navel._  
  
_“I love it how your heart beats faster when I touch you like this…”_  
  
_Jun looked at the other who was having his eyes closed, his lips curved into a smile. It wasn’t a lie… like the way it went even faster at the sound of these last words._  
  
_“And even more when I feel the effect of my last sentence…” the smaller man muttered in a playful way that made Jun smirk._  
  
_He said nothing in reply. He put the half-smoked cigarette on the ashtray on his bedside table and caught Nino’s chin between his index and thumb, making the latter look upwards at him. They didn’t need to say anything. He leaned closer till their mouths were almost touching, their hot breaths blending together. He knew that if he placed his ear on the other’s chest at that moment, he could hear his heart beating crazily. He could see it by the way his eyes darkened between his half-closed eyelids, the way his mouth was agape waiting for his to touch it._  
  
_It was always this natural, direct and intimate between them and for Jun, it was becoming a necessity in his life. The more time he was spending with Nino, the more he was craving for it. Their kiss was slow and somehow meaningful… Nino’s arms immediately found Jun’s neck, locking tightly around it, bringing their bodies closer. It was these small movements that proved he wasn’t the only one to think that way. He knew because he could see the other smiling, looking at him with a pair of eyes that showed no confusion anymore, unlike that first time…_  
  
_They had agreed that they didn’t have to name it, yet for some reason, Jun felt they had already had. Was it the way the other was whispering his name as their bodies moved in unison? Was it the way he’d snuggle on him with his lips attached to his collarbones? Was it the small peck they would exchange every morning they woke up together? It could be everything but what mattered was that it was there; even if both of them hesitated to admit it, it was there and above all, it was real._  
  
_“Insatiable…” Nino whined breathless as he felt Jun’s weight on him once he stopped moving inside him._  
  
_“You were the one who initiated everything…”_  
  
_Nino smiled satisfied. “Sorry… I forgot that you can’t resist me!”_  
  
_Jun muffled a laugh.  “Shower?”_  
  
_Nino pouted. “Too tired… towel?!”_  
  
_Jun pecked Nino’s lips hastily before he got out of the bed to get a towel to clean themselves. He was surprised when he realized that he was humming a song. His lips curved into a smile… It had been a while since he had sung. When he came back to the room though Nino had already fallen asleep. He leaned against the doorframe staring at the sleeping figure on his bed. The other was beautiful… Jun sat carefully at his side and cleaned all the traces of cum, left on his stomach, before he covered him up with the sheets. He stroked his hair and pressed his lips softly on the smaller man’s forehead. Jun had no uncertainty; Nino was beautiful because he was there with him._  
  
_\---_  
  
_“C’mon, sleepy… Time to wake up!”_  
  
_Jun frowned but managed to open his eyes. He would normally hate people talking to him this early. There had always been an unwritten rule between him and Masaki that it would be wiser to start a conversation after the first sips of coffee but this time, the sweet fragrance that reached his nostrils compensated for that._  
  
_“Is that miso that I’m smelling?” he mumbled with a raw-due-to-the-sleep voice as he turned his head towards Nino, gasping at the realization that the latter was wearing nothing but one of his T-shirts and a pair of his boxers. He was fresh, smelling of **his** shampoo. It was a homey image that made Jun’s heart flutter. For others it might be of no importance but not to him. _  
  
_“You drained me last night and as much as I love your western-style breakfast, my stomach wouldn’t fill up with bread…! Unless I ate the whole loaf!” Nino said amused by the way Jun’s eyes were roaming on him. “You better leave aside whatever perverted thoughts are running in your mind as we’re speaking, Mr. J, and come to the kitchen before it turns cold!”_  
  
_Jun smiled as he saw the other walking away. He sat up and threw his hands up in the air. He quickly his pair of boxers that was left thrown on the floor along with his sweatpants and walked to the kitchen without caring to put a T-shirt on. He hadn’t taken a shower and if he wanted to be honest, he was dying to taste Nino’s miso soup._  
  
_He sat next to the other, taking the ball in his hands. He had always said in interviews that he liked miso soup because he could tell someone’s background just by tasting it. His grandma had always told him so and if, till then, he believed in it only half-heartedly, after having tasted Nino’s, he changed his mind completely._  
  
_Jun turned his head on his side, his heart fluttering when he caught the way Nino’s eyes were staring at him, expectantly. In Jun’s eyes, this shy side of the other was what made him adorable… too cute to handle… It was such moments that made Jun realize how much the other was hiding behind this mask of self-assurance, sharp-tongued comments._  
  
_“It’s delicious!”_  
  
_“Of course it’d be delicious! It’s me who made it!” Nino whispered playfully in his ear, his expression changing in a second._  
  
_Jun placed the ball on the table and turned to look at the other properly, cupping both Nino’s cheeks with his palms. “Don’t try to hide the real you from me…” the words were spoken slowly, causing Nino’s eyes to widen. “Because… I love it when you’re shy and not so sure… I love it because it shows me that you’re human, that you have feelings and that makes me feel human, as well…”_  
  
_“Jun…” Nino whispered not knowing what more to say; not that he needed though. The way Jun’s lips captured his made his mind turn blank._  
  
_\---_  
  
_Jun was reading the scene with which he would go to the audition the following week while waiting for Nino at the small restaurant they had been frequenting. He was absorbed with the text in front of him and didn’t take notice that a pair of eyes were staring at him._  
  
_“I like it when you are this concentrated!”_  
  
_Jun cleared his throat and tried to take the paper away but the other was faster. He didn’t know why but he was hesitant. It wasn’t that they hadn’t discussed about his auditions or that Nino wasn’t supportive; on the contrary. If Jun had to be honest, he always felt that the other was the one who had made him enter the game this fast. He couldn’t explain why but Nino seemed more eager than him to start looking for jobs._  
  
_“It suits you!” Nino said with a wide smile after he finished reading. “I would like to hear you saying these words!”_  
  
_“I don’t think so!” Jun mumbled shoving the paper in his bag._  
  
_“Why?” the other asked a small frown appearing on his forehead. “Because artists are supposed to be on their own?”_  
  
_Jun turned his gaze at the other. He could feel the bitterness in Nino’s voice and his heart clenched painfully. He could somehow tell that this wasn’t meant just for him._  
  
_“No… because I only received it today… I haven’t even read it out loud yet…”_  
  
_“And?”_  
  
_“And I want you to be impressed by me…”_  
  
_Nino’s hand reached for Jun’s. “Trust me, Jun… Even if you make all the slip-ups of the world, I will still be impressed…”_  
  
_Jun was about to speak when Nino continued while staring directly into his eyes; with a piercing gaze that made him feel as if he was an open book to the other. “… Because I already admire you, Jun…”_  
  
_Jun wanted to ask him why but didn’t have the chance as the waiter came to serve them. He stared at Nino closer as the latter told their choices to the man standing next to him. His eyes had dark cycles underneath but Jun could tell that it wasn’t just the tiredness or the lack of sleep… and he hated it. He didn’t know much about Nino’s workplace; just that it was an office job and required too many hours. He assumed it might be a journalism related job; maybe a columnist, since he seemed to know well how the system worked, if he judged from that night when he confronted the paparazzi._  
  
_It wasn’t that he didn’t want to know. He wanted to know everything about the other but he knew that if he pushed him, Nino might slip away… Strangely, he felt as if they belonged together, as if he had to pass through all that mess, just to get to know this man sitting across the table. It sounded awfully romantic, yet no matter how much he had tried to debunk it in his mind, he couldn’t…_  
  
_“Do you want to listen to these words?” he asked out of the blue causing the other to jerk a bit._  
  
_Nino looked at him confused and surprised but nevertheless nodded._  
  
_“Come to my apartment tonight…!”_  
  
_Nino’s face lit up and his usual playful smirk appeared. “I should warn you though, I’ll be the toughest judge of yours!” he winked at him before drinking the remaining beer in his glass._  
  
_Jun could only smile. “All **I** can say is that you have to be ready…” _  
  
_“Ready for what?”_  
  
_“Admire me more…” Jun answered in a mischievous way, smiling heartedly when he saw Nino’s eyes sparkling. That’s how he wanted to see the other. That big smile on Nino’s face was enough to fill his heart with happiness and Jun couldn’t lie to himself anymore. He really cared for the other and that couldn’t be a simple coincidence…_  
  
~.~.~   
  
He could now tell why this wasn’t a coincidence. The other was behind everything… It was still hard to believe it but yes… He was let down; not from Nino… but from his naivety.  He had tried not to let Nino’s text occupy his thoughts but as it was proved, it was something stronger than him. He had spent the last four days doing nothing but   thinking about this text. Why did the other have to say these words? Nino was a liar. Jun now knew, yet a part of him _wished_ to still believe in the other. Perhaps, there was an explanation, a reason behind everything; perhaps the other did mean the words he had said to him…   
  
He could still feel the way Nino was looking at him, touching him; how his body felt against his, only to confuse him. Could the other be such a great actor the whole time? Could it be that Nino indeed loved him? And if yes, since when? Jun wished he knew that fine line, where the lies ended and where the truth came across, but he was afraid. Was he being excessive? Maybe; but he couldn’t help it… He had felt betrayed a _gain._   
  
Sighing, he walked towards the window to look outside. Everything seemed so peaceful unlike the mess he was inside. He opened the window and stepped out on the balcony, letting the air hit on his face. It somehow felt smoothing. He remained in the same position, looking blankly across the street. He wouldn’t have paid attention, if it wasn’t for the lights of a passing car. He frowned as he looked closer. There was no mistake; there was someone sitting on the pavement across the road; a very _familiar_ someone.   
  
Jun stormed to the door. Why was the other there? For how long? He crossed the street hurriedly, coming closer to the other just to realize that Nino was completely drunk.   
  
“Ni- Nino…?” he asked hesitantly.   
  
He saw the other looking slowly up to him, at first confused, probably because of his drunken state, before his mouth opened and tears glittered in his eyes.   
  
“Jun…?” Nino’s voice was weak. “Jun! Jun, you’re here!” He looked like a ghost of himself and Jun felt guilty. Perhaps he should have asked from him to meet and talk. Seeing the other in that state made him feel even more confused than he had been. Masaki had been right… He should have talked with him… He shook his head to get rid of all these thoughts. They weren’t of big importance at the moment.   
  
“Nino, what are you doing here? It’s late…” the words came out trembling, betraying his nervousness.   
  
“Jun…” Nino tried to stand up but fell, his legs being too shaky to hold his weight but then, tried again, his hands gripping Jun’s shirt possessively. “I love you…” the three words were spoken in a whisper. Jun bit his lower lip as he felt the other cling on him in an almost desperate way as he stood up in front of him. “I don’t deserve you… but I love you…” Jun felt a knot on his throat when Nino’s hand came, trembling, to trace his right left cheek. “I just… wanted to tell you…”   
  
Jun ignored his crazy heartbeat in his chest. He had to take the other safely back to his apartment. As much as he had felt betrayed and hurt, it hurt him more what he was looking at, at this moment. He held Nino by his waist after securing his one hand over his shoulders. His grip was tight making sure that Nino wouldn’t fall, despite the numerous times he stumbled on his own feet.   
  
After several minutes, Jun managed to enter his apartment and lead Nino to his bedroom. He refused to let emotions win him over. First, he had to make sure the other was ok.   
  
It was strange… seeing Nino on his bed again felt normal… it almost felt as if nothing had changed, even though now he knew. For a part of him, Ninomiya Kazunari was still Nino. For Masaki he had only felt anger and disappointment. This time he might have felt both, he might have been hurt but he could also feel something else; he could also feel the love.   
  
He was ready to leave the room when he heard something that made him freeze.   
  
“Don’t leave me, Jun… Not you, too…”   
  
_Nino?_ He turned around abruptly but realized that the other was muttering in his sleep. He made slow steps towards the bed, his eyes locked on the tired face of the man he loved. There were traces of dry tears on his paler-than-usually cheeks. Jun’s heart clenched painfully because he knew he was the reason. He was hurt; it was true but he was more hurt to see the other being like that.   
  
He closed his eyes tightly and sighed deeply. In the morning perhaps they would talk. He dragged his feet to the living room feeling them heavy before he threw himself on the sofa, his gaze staring at the ceiling. Why should things always be this complicated?   
  
~.~.~   
  
Nino woke up feeling his head spinning around. He tried to open his eyes slowly trying to recognize his surroundings. He gasped. Why was he _there_? He looked at the empty room and at himself, realizing that he was wearing Jun’s pajamas. He tried to remember what had happened the previous night but only scattered images would come to his mind. He was sure for one thing; he had drunk more than ever because he wanted to forget the zero he had become.   
  
He slowly got off the bed and walked towards the door. He could hear no sound, as if he was alone but Jun wouldn’t have left him alone in his apartment, right? He must be there… somewhere. As soundlessly as possible, he went to the bathroom just to find it empty. He then walked to the living room, the sight in front of him causing him to gasp.   
  
_Jun…_ The other was sitting on the sofa staring blankly at some spot on the floor. It was obvious that he hadn’t slept at all. Nino made some hesitant steps forward, his hand aching to reach the other, to hold him… but he knew he didn’t have the right to. Defeated from this realization of his, he turned around to leave, trying to hold the tears that were threatening to fill his eyes, when he heard the other muttering something to himself.   
  
“Why did it have to be you?”   
  
Jun was right… he was someone the other didn’t deserve.   
  
“I ask myself the same thing…” he mumbled before he could hold back.   
  
Jun turned around, their eyes meeting. Immediately, he stood up and came closer to the smaller man. He was ready to speak but Nino didn’t let him. He placed his index on his lips, hushing him.   
  
“I know I don’t deserve you… I know that I’m the scumbag who made you suffer; a total zero because at first, when I published your scandal, I admit I was enjoying myself” Nino muffled a bitter laugh. “But then we met… That night all I could see in you was me… the same emptiness; the same hurt… and it hit me badly. I regretted to have you pass through all that and then you asked me to come with you. I wanted to run away but your eyes… your eyes pierced right through my soul. I had forgotten how it was to feel, yet from the first moment I saw you, I could feel so many different things and I knew that I was playing with fire… I knew… but the need to see you again was stronger. If I told you the truth, you wouldn’t want to see me again. So, I decided to act egoistically and hide the truth about myself because I wanted you by my side… I had the false, the _childish_ hope that I could keep it hidden forever… stupid me…”   
  
Jun was left speechless as Nino reached for his face, tracing feather-like his cheek moving to his lips. “I just want you to know that even though I’m a liar, I never lied to you when I told you that I love you, because I really do, Jun. I know I don’t deserve your love… or more correctly… I don’t deserve _love_ …” Nino’s voice almost cracked but that didn’t stopped him from continuing “… But I swear, I never lied to you about that… And I do admire you… I… I’m sorry for last night… I honestly don’t know why I came here… I was drunk…” he gulped lowering his head. “Thank you for bringing me up here… I won’t bother you again… I swear…” his voice was weak as he stepped backwards before turning around.   
  
Jun was feeling his heart beating crazily in his chest but looking the other walking away made it impossible for him not to ask. Again… the only thing he could see in the other was pain. “Why?” the word was whispered causing Nino to freeze. “Why do you publish that rubbish? This is not you… All these days, I try to justify… convince myself that you’re this scumbag you just talked about but I couldn’t… No matter how much I tried to see you as Ninomiya Kazunari, I could only see Nino… a hurt man who tries to hide his weakness behind a mask of sarcasm and fake strength…”   
  
“I…” Nino turned slowly around to look at Jun. His chest was moving fast up and down, millions of thoughts running through his mind.   
  
“Why did you turn to leave…?” Jun told him, his eyes never leaving the other’s face. “Weren’t you the one who asked me not to leave you last night? Why do you always want to pretend the strong one? Who hurt you this much?” Jun could see the storm of emotions reflecting on Nino’s teary eyes. “It was that man I saw you with, wasn’t it?” he said softly, knowing that only if he pushed that way, the other would open up to him and he wanted to know. At this point, he had to know. He saw Nino’s shoulders starting shaking. Muffled cries gave their way to sobs and Jun couldn’t handle it anymore; he wrapped his arms around Nino’s slim waist and pressed him against his body.   
  
Jun couldn’t count how much time passed, him holding Nino like this. The latter was clinging on him as if his life was depending on him, exactly like last night. Jun’s hand was caressing his back feather-like, trying to calm him down.   
  
“I was eighteen when I met him” Nino said suddenly. “He was the childhood friend of the student I used to hang out at the first year of university. I can’t call it love at first sight but the more I got to know him, the deeper I fell in love… Till then, I was afraid to even admit my sexuality. I had only my father, my mother had died when I was a little kid, but he was very strict. I always had to follow specific rules in my life but Sa… Satoshi showed me another world… free of musts and must nots… a world where you could feel.   
  
He was an artist and helped me see how feelings were beyond rules and shapes. He was telling me that I was stronger than I thought and he convinced me. I believed so myself, so I decided that I should speak up… and I did. I revealed that I was in love with him but my father couldn’t accept it. Even if he hadn’t behaved badly when he found out about my homosexuality, he couldn’t come to accept the fact that Satoshi wasn’t from a prestigious family… for my father, everything had to do with rankings… from the grades to work and love… He told me that I was a fool if I believed that we would always be together. An artist is always putting as priority his art. He had already found his love. I didn’t believe him. I stood my ground and because of that, I was thrown out of the house. I had no money… I had nothing…”   
  
Jun could feel Nino’s heart beating in a crazy rhythm and all he could do was hold him in his arms till the other had told him everything.   
  
“I was spending my nights at the train station. I had been molested but never said anything… neither to Satoshi, nor to Sho, my friend. I had to stand up on my own feet. I had to become the man, Satoshi was seeing in me… and I did it. I found a part-time job and I managed to rent a small room close to the university. I would be the one who would form my future… Even if I had to skip lunch one day, because I didn’t have the money for it, I didn’t care. I was finally smiling wholeheartedly. I was lost in the world Satoshi had so many times spoken of… I had given him everything; my first kiss, my first time, my heart and my soul. I had surrendered the whole me but that was what I wanted.   
  
I thought that everything was fine, even if he didn’t call me as frequent as he used to, he would avoid making love to me. It was our second anniversary and I wanted to surprise him. I went to his apartment. I still remember how excited I was. I had bought him his favorite cake. It was expensive but I had made my savings. I took the key and opened the door, surprised to hear voices and laughs. I walked inside. He was in the living room with a taller man, I had never seen before. They were talking about some painter, I didn’t care about that… All I can remember was how that stranger’s hand was resting on Satoshi’s waist and how Satoshi hadn’t made the slightest effort to shake it away. Perhaps, he hadn’t realized it… It wouldn’t be the first time he was lost in this world of his… but then I heard him. Saying that he couldn’t do it… not before he broke up properly… with _me_ …” Nino’s voice became tiny as he spoke the last words, making Jun tighten his grip even more.   
  
“My whole world turned upside down. The man I had believed in, the man who had told me that we would always be together, had already moved on. I hurried away and went to sit at the small park across the street, my mind being a complete mess. It was then that my phone vibrated. It was a text from him asking me to meet with him the following day because he had something important to tell me. I didn’t leave, hoping that at least he would respect me for one day… It was only a couple of hours later that the other man left his apartment, his hair being messy. Satoshi couldn’t wait… I threw the cake in the dustbin. I had left everything behind just to be treated like that. What I hated the most was that my father was proved right. I had honestly thought that Satoshi was the one. You will tell me that I was naïve. I may was.   
  
From that day, I started sleeping around with as many men as possible. I stopped hanging out with my friend. I isolated myself from everyone. I could trust no one. I had put myself in danger for nothing. Once again, I felt all that strength leaving me… I was once again weak but knew I had come a long way to just return back to what I was. I wanted everyone to get hurt the way I was. I wanted everyone to taste the bitterness, I had tasted… I turned into a parasite that feeds on others’ pain. Pitiful… I know… but it happened and then, I sold my first paparazzi pic… little by little, I got many. I thought that I had found my new destiny. Show everyone that there’s no such things as fairy tales.   
  
I was just surviving… for years, I stopped feeling… but you… you came and once again my world turned upside down. I saw the emptiness in you… your eyes were speaking into my soul. I was so afraid in the beginning but then I started feeling stronger again. You reminded me how it is to feel… and feel loved. Now, I can tell that what Satoshi felt for me wasn’t love. Perhaps what _I_ felt for him wasn’t love… Perhaps it was need… Because what I’m feeling for you can’t be measured… This time I don’t have the power to take revenge… I don’t _want_ to take revenge… I-”   
  
Nino didn’t have the chance to finish as two lips captured his feverishly. He tilted his head responding to the kiss, desperate to feel the other’s hotness. He needed him too much to leave him. Jun was his everything. He broke the kiss once his lungs needed air and looked deeply into the other’s eyes.   
  
“Jun, I…”   
  
“Shh…” Jun wiped his tears away and brought their foreheads together. “You’re not the only scumbag here. With Masaki I also wanted to take revenge… I did. I was punishing him and I’m ashamed of myself. But I also realized something. Like you, this time I didn’t seek revenge…”   
  
“Ju-”   
  
“Perhaps because my love for you also can’t be measured…”   
  
“Does that mean that-”   
  
“Seeing you on my bed made me realize that I want to see you there. Every single day… We’ve both made mistakes… that can’t be undone but we can always try from now on… I want us to try… because I think that you deserve to be loved… _I_ deserve to be loved… and I love you, Kazunari” Nino gasped at the sound of his first name. He didn’t know what to say or more correctly, couldn’t utter a single word. He just threw his arms on Jun burying his head in the crook of his neck, making the latter smile fondly, pressing his lips on the top of Nino’s head. “I tried to convince myself for the opposite but I can’t deny it. I love you more than anything…” 

***

  
Masaki looked at the sleeping figure next to him. His eyes fell on the other’s plump lips causing a racing within his heart. He could still feel how hot they were on his skin, as they moved slowly all over his body, spreading kisses and caresses that made him feel worshiped… loved. It had been a while since he had felt this way… It was passionate, lustful and in the same time caring, slow. His eyes moved lower to the well-sculpted torso, to the hands that never left him. They were holding him tightly, protectively. Everything would have been perfect but Masaki was afraid. Sakurai Sho had shown that he cared for him… he had stayed by his side… he had given him a perfect night of passion, making him feel more alive than he had been in a while but there was one problem. They hadn’t talked.   
  
He didn’t accuse the other of course… he wanted it… not like when he was with Takkey. This time he wanted to feel this man. Sho had always been reserved, never making a move yet the moment he captured his lips outside the door was enough to surprise him. Masaki would have never guessed that Sho could hide such a passionate side and it made him want to have it all. He wanted to feel loved. He needed it… and the gaze full of lust, he had met once they broke the kiss was enough to lower all the barriers of resistance.   
  
It was still dark outside but he knew that it must be around five.  He hadn’t managed to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. His mind was full of questions and ifs. If the other proved to be another Takkey? If he had finally had what he wanted and left him? If the truth was too harsh? If they ended up not together? He sat up and took deep breaths, trying to regulate his heartbeat.   
  
Since everything that had happened, he felt as if he had changed. A part of the old Masaki was gone… yet whenever he was with Sho he felt complete, as if he could really be ok. The same had happened last night but could he really trust him? He was that Ninomiya’s friend… Don’t they say ‘show me your friends to tell you who you are’?! He turned his head to the man asleep on his side. These eyes that had been looking at him with adoration, that had spoken to his soul, they couldn’t lie, could they?     
  
Sighing, he got off the bed without caring to cover his nakedness. What for? He walked to the bathroom and looked at his idol in the mirror. His heartbeat raced dangerously as his fingers came to trace the marks left on his collarbones and chest. His eyes closing as the memories of their time together flashed in his mind. How could someone, that had shown him how it felt to be loved, be lying…? _Right?_   
  
~.~.~   
  
_Masaki’s mind turned blank when he felt Sho’s tongue brushing his lips asking for permission. Without knowing what he was doing, he opened to welcome it inside. The feeling was too intense. It was claiming, passionate, desperate. Suddenly he was pressed against the door of his apartment while their mouths continued to be occupied with each other. It was only when a moan escaped from the back of his throat when he realized where they were and what they were doing._  
  
_He broke the kiss, panting. He looked at the other who was in an equal state. He didn’t know what to say. There were so many questions yet none could take form. Biting his lower lip, he pushed the other slightly backwards in order to open the door. He made a nod to him to enter. They remained at the entrance for several minutes without saying anything. Masaki’s eyes were locked on Sho’s. He had never seen them this dark before. There was the usual warmth but there was also something else; a rawness, he had never seen before._  
  
_His heart was beating as if it would jump out of his chest. He felt hot and he knew one thing. He wanted to feel those lips on his again. He made a few steps forward till he was standing right in front of Sho. The latter’s eyes were asking if it was really ok. A part of Masaki was still afraid but at that moment, he just wanted to give in. His hands wrapped around Sho’s neck as he leaned closer, making their lips almost touch each other._  
  
_Sho didn’t wait any longer. Hungrily, he claimed Masaki’s lips crushing their bodies together. On their way to Masaki’s bedroom they kept hitting against the walls of the narrow hallway. Once inside, the clothes found their place on the floor. Masaki felt his cheeks turning red when he saw the way Sho’s eyes roamed on his naked body. He was slowly pushed down on the bed till he was lying on his back, his hands held at each side of his._  
  
_He could only throw his head behind, moaning when he felt Sho’s lips finding his neck, moving on it torturously slowly, tasting every inch of his covered-with-sweat skin. He couldn’t remember when it was the last time his body was this sensitive, this thirsty for love. The mouth moved lower finding his collarbones, sucking and licking it, leaving small marks behind. He was already completely aroused and even if he loved it, he wanted to feel the other. His hips left the mattress meeting Sho above, hoping they could transmit his message._  
  
_Sho stopped his caresses and looked deeply into Masaki’s eyes. “I want to show you how much I love you, Masaki… Be patient…”_  
  
_Masaki bit his lower lip. He was impatient; it might have been because he hadn’t slept with anybody for months but he needed to feel him. Sho didn’t seem to listen to him though. His lips were ghosting over his navel spreading soft, feather-like kisses._  
  
_“Close your eyes and feel…” Sho said in a husky voice._  
  
_Masaki obeyed just to let a loud scream. The hotness that covered his erection was breathtaking. His hands found Sho’s hair, caressing it. He couldn’t speak… only unintelligent sounds could escape from his throat as the other worked on him more. Masaki felt lost in a sweet abyss when he finally felt Sho enter him. Only the thought that they had been united was enough to bring him to the verge but tried to hold back. He wanted to feel the other in him as much as possible. He had chosen to give in because he knew that it might never happen again._  
  
_Was it the way Sho looked at him, his eyes reflecting love…? The way their hands were intertwined, never breaking this bond…? The way his lover kept mumbling that he loved him…? Masaki couldn’t give one answer; he only knew that tears had filled his eyes, blurring the beautiful image of the other in front of him. He had never guessed that Sho would look this amazing in an intimate moment; flushed, his mouth agape, droplets on his temples… and yet the same warm, calm gaze he had him fallen in love with._  
  
_Their bodies were moving together as if they already knew one another, finding the ultimate pleasure together. The moves quickly became faster, causing gasps, sounds of slapping skins, moans fill the small room. Masaki felt himself trembling uncoordinatedly as the most intense orgasm, he had ever felt, ripped through his body, leaving him breathless, his nails deep in Sho’s back, marking the soft skin._  
  
_“Masaki…” Sho mumbled still holding him in his arms._  
  
_Masaki wasn’t stupid. They hadn’t fucked. They had made love but would it really be ok? Could he return these three words? He stared at Sho’s face who was right above him. He didn’t know what to say… he was feeling exhausted to say anything at the moment. Sho slipped out of him and lied down on his side, his eyes on the white ceiling._  
  
_“Sleep here…”Masaki mumbled shyly._  
  
_“Masaki, I-” Sho sounded hesitant._  
  
_Masaki knew they had to talk but he needed to put his thoughts in order… right now everything inside him was a mess. “Just hold me…” he said almost like a whisper and sighed relieved when he felt the next second Sho’s hands wrapping around his waist, bringing him closer, this time with the familiar warmth that Sho had always shown him._  
  
_Masaki gasped when he felt a soft peck on his nape. “I love you…” Sho already sounded tired. It wasn’t a surprise since Masaki had found him waiting for him out of his door. He could only smile when he heard soft snoring sounds escaping from the other’s throat._  
  
_He tried to ease his heartbeat but it was still crazy. Inside he was confused but his body had felt more alive than ever. He turned around and saw Sho sleeping. He looked cuter than ever with the way his hair was all over his face, still red by their previous activities. He leaned closer and pecked feather-like the other’s lips. Now, that Sho had fallen asleep, he could finally say it out loud. “I love you, too” his voice was trembling, weak. “But I’m also afraid… afraid that I will have to send you away…”_  
  
_~.~.~_  
  
Masaki opened his eyes again, meeting his tired gaze. He was torn between not caring about whatever happened, because he simply wanted Sho in his life, and finding out the whole truth, because he wanted to be sure that the person he had grown to love so much, really deserved his love… really loved him back the same way.   
  
He sighed lowering his head when he suddenly felt two hands wrapping around his waist. He looked up to find Sho standing right behind him, looking at him through the mirror, his eyes falling on the marks he had left on his body. Masaki suddenly felt exposed… shy. He couldn’t explain why but he wanted to escape from there. He tried to move but couldn’t; Sho’s grip was strong, not giving him the chance he sought for.   
  
“Did you regret it?”   
  
Sho’s question took Masaki aback. If he said he had, he would be lying. There was no point in saying lies… not to Sho who understood him better than anyone even before they had exchanged a single word. He shook his head negatively avoiding to meet the other’s eyes. He tried to escape from Sho’s grip again, the fear growing inside him, with no success. Sho only tightened the hug even more. “Don’t run away, Masaki; not before you listen to me…”   
  
Masaki felt a knot on his throat. It was weird. Before when he was coming back to his apartment he was determined to know everything but now, after having felt him this intimately, he was afraid… more and more. He tried to blink the tears that kept filling his eyes in vain. The emotions were too many, too intense, too complicated. He felt Sho holding him by his arms, turning him around slowly. He said nothing; he just hugged him tightly.   
  
“Don’t be afraid, Masaki, because I love you… I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you saying that monologue in that small theater in a basement at Shibuya” Masaki gasped. He wanted to ask why? How? He tried to articulate words but he was too shocked to do so.   
  
“You had something magical on you… a passion and a sincerity that were too rare… I might have known Ninomiya Kazunari… but my feelings for you have nothing to do with him, the scandal, your ex-partner, your success… My feelings have only to do with you… Before I met you I could only imagine what an amazing person you’d be but after I got to spend time with you, I realized that you could make me fall in love with you even deeper. Just know this. I love _you_ ; not _the_ Aiba Masaki; just _my_ Masaki” Masaki was left speechless. “I promise you… I’ll tell you everything… Just, please… don’t try to run away” Sho spoke pleadingly.   
  
Masaki tried to detect the lie somewhere but couldn’t. All he could see in Sho’s eyes was love… His heart was still beating fast, still trying to analyze all the information he had just found out. Sho had said that he loved _him_. Did that mean that they could be together?   
  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED…

 


	6. Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

Author: Andy-chan ([](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/profile)[ **antimiya88**](http://antimiya88.livejournal.com/) )

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)

Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple'  by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, ~~unfortunately~~.

 

 

Part 6 

 

 

Masaki was sitting on the sofa with his legs brought up to his torso, staring at the young journalist who was preparing coffee in the kitchen. The latter’s words were still playing in his mind; he knew it since the very beginning… he could see the way his eyes were looking at him, trying to show him that he had nothing to fear of. He knew he shouldn’t fear but he still had so many questions; questions that made him overthink about things. He was tired… This whole story with Jun, the continuous game of hide and seek that he played with the paparazzi and the media had made him not judge clearly… like this very moment.   
  
In his eyes, Sho belonged there; he could see him moving around in his apartment, preparing a coffee, sitting on his side, bringing him to bed, kissing him goodnight, whispering good morning tenderly in his ear, creating small moments of theirs… creating nice memories… He wanted to tell him that it didn’t matter… As long as he was there for him, it didn’t matter but deep inside the doubt would eat him. His throat got dry as he saw the other coming closer holding two mugs.   
  
“Here…”   
  
Masaki mumbled a thanks as he took a hold of the hot mug avoiding to look at the other. He brought it to his lips to sip, not being able to believe that the journalist even at that moment had prepared his favorite coffee with the slightest detail.   
  
“You…” he turned his gaze at Sho who was looking back at him with a hint of smile on his face.   
  
“I remember… I would always remember everything when it comes to you, Masaki…”   
  
Masaki tried to ignore the way his heart starting beating faster when he heard them coming out in such a gentle, full-of-warmth tone.   
  
“Sho… why do you always have to say such-”   
  
Sho placed his mug on the small table in front of them and grabbed Masaki’s hand on top of his, not letting it go when he felt the other stiffen. “I say only the truth… and the truth is that I love you…. I admired you… Then, I fell in love… But now… I can say it with all certainty. I love you…”   
  
“But-”   
  
“I will tell you everything…” Sho whispered, his hold tightening. “And then…” he lowered his head, his voice getting weaker as the next words left his mouth one by one. “If… if you feel that you can’t have me by your side, I promise you I’ll leave-”   
  
“I didn’t say that…” Masaki whispered, relaxing for the first time. “I’m scared… I’m mostly scared because I have fallen in love with you… When you kissed me last night, my mind turned blank… I felt a sweet numb I hadn’t felt for a long time… But…” he took a deep breath in a try to regulate his breathing “I’m scared… I don’t want to feel any more pain… You’ve told me that I’m a strong person… but I think I was able to stand on my feet because of you… and then… I let myself feel… even if I hadn’t acknowledged it fully. I wanted to let go… I know it may have been irrational… but when I learnt that you are his friend I could only think that you exploited my weakness… in the same time though I could feel your love… but I didn’t want to believe… I didn’t want to believe that you had already stolen my heart… I didn’t want to believe that I was feeling once again and that the next moment this person might hurt me…” he looked up at Sho who was looking at him his mouth half-opened.   
  
“I don’t say that I wasn’t at fault with Jun. I was… I never spoke my doubts, my fears… It was as if all this sudden exposure of our relationship ruined its roots… But as much as I had my portion of the mistakes that led to its end, I was only human… I am only human and I got hurt… The more Jun hurt me, the more it was reminded to me that I was the one who made this whole mess… And then you appeared. I had my doubts but you stayed… You tried not to have your way with me when I could see that you wanted me… You were always there for me… You listened to me, you gave me strength… I know I have lost a part of my older self but you managed to pull out something that it had been kept hidden for a while; my truth; my real self; Masaki…   
  
Then little by little, I realized that my heart was beating faster but I was still afraid. What if I hurt you? What if you hurt me back? What if everything was an illusion? What if you only pretended just to have your way with me? What if you were patient with me only to have sex with me? It’s not that I didn’t trust you… All those small moments we passed together, I could see or more correctly feel that you didn’t lie to me. I could see it in your eyes; they reflected honesty… but selfishly I was still afraid. Having to hide from all these paparazzi, feeling everyone’s stare on me, hearing people murmuring behind my back made me vulnerable; made me question even the more solid truth but for you, I decided to overcome these small voices in my head and take the risk.   
  
But when I found out that you were his friend, the one who made me like this I felt betrayed… not so much from you… more by my false hope. I had decided to give up but then someone reminded me that I was making the same mistake; I hadn’t stayed to listen… Then… I saw you waiting for me on my door, my heart skipped a beat… And then you kissed me… I wanted you… Every single second that passed as you were making me yours, I felt that the love I had kept hidden deep down inside me, was there and was stronger than ever… I couldn’t sleep. I was looking at you… I had never thought of anyone being this beautiful… I could remember the way your eyes had been looking at me, the way your hands were holding me, caressing me… It felt too much… too painful if I had to leave you… Once again I’m scared… Because I don’t want to let you leave… I can’t do that, Sho…” he bit his lower lip to muffle a sob that threatened to leave from his mouth. “I can’t…”   
  
Sho hugged him tightly, his hands moving softly up and down Masaki’s back, hoping that it could help him relax a bit. He knew that the other was fighting with his own fears; his hope not to get hurt and will to love again; his wish to move on and fear of another betrayal. He knew that Masaki was a mess inside even if he had never told him. He could see it those moments when he’d fall silent, his eyes looking blankly at some invisible spot on the wall in front of him or on the floor. He could see it at the hesitant moves to touch him when they were together. He had seen it being reflected in these beautiful eyes of his, being torn between fear, doubt and in the same time, lust and love as he made him his. But above all he knew that he had to tell him the truth; that he wasn’t the only one who was afraid…   
  
“You’re not the only one who has been afraid…” Sho whispered in Masaki’s ear. “I’ve been, too… It’s exactly because I was afraid that I never told you about Nino… exactly like I was afraid to tell you that my feelings for you didn’t appear these few months but years before… Now, they only grew stronger. I was afraid but not anymore… Having felt your body against mine was something that made me feel complete; something that I’ve never been in my life… And then… This morning when I felt that I might lose you, I knew that fear would only achieve that and it’s not something I want.”   
  
“I love you…” Masaki said in a trembling voice moving slightly so that he could look at the other’s eyes.   
  
Sho smiled, bringing his right hand to caress Masaki’s cheek, his eyes locked in the teary ones of the other. “My love…”   
  
“I…” Masaki’s chin trembled as he started speaking again but was hushed as Sho pressed softly his lips against his.   
  
“I believe in us…”   
  
Masaki closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Tell me…” his hands were gripping Sho’s shirt in a desperate way. “Please… everything…”   
  
Sho sat better on the sofa and turned Masaki around so that the latter’s back was pressed against his torso, his arms closed around the slim waist of the man he loved so much.   
  
“You might not believe it but I was someone who didn’t open up to people… I only had one friend; Ohno Satoshi. We first met when we were children; we were neighbors and later in the same school. He was someone who in a first glance looked different from me but deep down we both knew we shared many similarities. We soon became very good friends. Finally, I had someone I could open up to without having to fear whether I’d be criticized or not.   
  
At the university, I met Ninomiya Kazunari. At first, I was surprised by his youthful look and then by his aura. It felt as if he had this subtle power. We were paired up for a paper which made me discover that he had a real passion for the studies, just like me… only that he would try to suppress it; hide it. It was only later that I learnt his father was really strict. Though… I couldn’t come to imagine how much. We started hanging out together and soon, Satoshi took an interest on the other. After almost a few months, they were together. I was happy for them but in the same time I felt jealous. I also had someone I liked back then but there was a difference; their feelings were returned while mine weren’t.   
  
As it’s logical they would spend more time together and I started feeling lonely. I decided to try to meet new people by going to bars but soon realized that it wasn’t something for me. I didn’t need physical pleasure if my heart wasn’t participating as well. I focused on my studies and took a part-time job at a small café. I had taken the decision that if it was meant for me, it would happen… At least, I had my friends or so I thought. It had been one and a half years after they first got together when Satoshi started behaving weirdly. Something was off and then a few months later I found out that they had broken up. Satoshi wouldn’t speak to me about it. His excuse back then hadn’t convinced me because I knew him well and I knew that he loved the other.   
  
Nino though was another story. He stopped talking to me. It was as if he became someone else or perhaps the shadow of his self. By then, I knew that he had passed through many difficulties with his father that had made him leave his house. So, everything with Satoshi had just lit up the fire. It was as if he found pleasure in the others’ pain… He wanted blindly to take revenge… I knew though that he only hurt himself. I had tried to talk to him several times; he always refused but once. That one time had made me feel nothing; a complete zero. His words had felt like a knife in an open wound. He knew all my insecurities, doubts, fears… I didn’t accuse him though… I could see that he was suffering… Satoshi had already left abroad, not wanting to believe that his ex-boyfriend had become someone like this. I think deep inside he had felt betrayed…   
  
I had no one I could really open up to. I felt trapped in a monotonous life that consisted of work. It was three months after I got my first job in a small weekly newspaper when I saw a small poster of your theatrical piece. It may have been its title that attracted me at first, _Happiness_ , but when I came closer I saw your face… your eyes… they were insecure but sparkling… Without even realizing what I was doing, I found myself climbing down the stairs later that night. I was sitting at the last raw but didn’t matter. I could only see you. The way that that small tremble of your voice disappeared giving way to a strong, stable tone. Your hesitant steps became confident… I could see the passion you had in you… It was as if without knowing it, you were giving me courage to not give up, to search for that small piece of light that I had in me.   
  
From then, I’d follow your work. One small step ahead you made, was my motivation to make my one small step ahead. I was already working in two big magazines when I found out that Nino had opened this… trash that wasn’t him. I had tried to bring him to his senses but nothing. I was disappointed but you helped me again. You gave me hope that there were people out there stronger… who fought against everything and everyone. You had to struggle with your boyfriend. I think it was then that involuntarily you made me attracted to you even more. I wished I could find someone as strong as you; someone that would feel proud of being in a relationship, wanting to protect it.   
  
I won’t deny that a small part of mine felt jealous of Matsumoto Jun… because I wished these beautiful eyes would look at me like that but I swear to you it wasn’t a celebrity crush. It was that sincerity of yours that made me feel that way. I was content with seeing your work and above all seeing you happy. Your smile would always bring a smile on my face. It was when that smile started disappearing little by little that I felt something was wrong. That continued for several months and when we met for that interview I knew you weren’t and later, at the last premiere you appeared together with Matsumoto Jun… My heart clenched. I wanted to hug you… to help you the way you had helped me without knowing it but I couldn’t.   
  
The scandal came out, making me so angry. These two had made their mistakes and had destroyed their lives and now their mistake, their immature way of dealing with things had brought you in that nightmare. It was only then that I went to Nino’s office to meet him. I wanted to curse, to yell at him for having caused you so selfishly so much pain but in the end I couldn’t, Masaki. I could see how much he suffered himself… He was lost… I was lost… I didn’t mean to hide it from you… but I knew that you needed someone and selfishly, I wanted to be _this someone_.   
  
You made me fall in love when I saw how brave you were to speak. You could easily play the victim letting Matsumoto Jun take all the blame but you chose to expose yourself wanting to see justice. And then your words… I realized that I had fallen in love with the right man… Someone who was worth it and I wanted to do everything to help this man find back his sparkle; that sparkle that had stolen my heart, Masaki.   
  
And then I saw you little by little changing… you didn’t push me away. I knew that you had realized the truth about my feelings yet you let me be by your side. The morning when you hugged me after that phone call for the role, I started feeling that there might be hope… Hope you could love me back, even a tiny bit, the same way I loved you. I swear that before I’d ask you officially to become my boyfriend I’d tell you everything but then you heard us… you left… I couldn’t lose you…   
  
I can’t lose you Masaki. You didn’t give me your body last night. I gave you mine… along with my heart and my soul… everything I have is yours… Believe me when I say that I never lied to you about my feelings. The only truth is that I love you…”   
  
Masaki was speechless.   
  
“Masa-”   
  
“How can you love me this much when I have done so many mistakes?” Masaki suddenly spoke cutting him off. He sounded surprised and confused.   
  
Sho grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around so that their eyes could meet. “There’s no human that has no mistakes. If so, they would be God… not people… everyone have their flaws… I have mine… you have yours… but what I see is the way you smile, the way you laugh, the way you look when you’re excited, the way your express your happiness, you show your emotions… even the flaws you might have, are just making you more beautiful… It’s the flaws and the mistakes that make your good side shine even more…”   
  
Masaki couldn’t speak. He had traces of wet and dry tears on his cheeks which tried to wipe away but Sho was faster doing it himself. He covered them with his palms, leaning forward till their forehead were resting against one another.   
  
“Was I right when I said that I believe in us?” Sho spoke in a whisper, his heart throbbing from fear.   
  
“You always say so beautiful words when I…” Masaki felt new tears building up in his eyes but blinked them away.   
  
“It’s you who inspire them in me” Sho whispered in his ear. “But Masaki tell me… please… Can I believe in us?”   
  
Masaki didn’t give any answer. He only leaned closer till their lips were almost touching. His hands came to trace feather-like Sho’s jawline till they reached the full lips that were inviting him to kiss them. He looked straight into Sho’s eyes who was staring at him with a mix of hope and fear. His hands moved to the other’s soft hair, his fingers getting lost in them as a hint of smile appeared on his face.   
  
“Before I answer that I have to say something else…” Sho frowned but didn’t dare to speak when he saw Masaki closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I have to tell you I’m sorry… I’m sorry for being this insecure… confused… doubting when deep inside I knew that-”   
  
Sho didn’t let the actor finish his words. He captured his lips, happy to find them moving against his with the same intensity.   
  
“Thank you for making me believe in us…” Masaki whispered once they broke the kiss.   
  
“Thank you for giving us a chance…” Sho said softly before he pecked his boyfriend’s lips.   
  
Masaki’s eyes fell on the other’s lips and before he could control himself he claimed them again, feeling a wave of pleasure passing through his body as he was pushed down on his back. Sho tried to break the kiss but Masaki didn’t let him, securing him with his hands around his neck.   
  
“Masaki…?”   
  
“Make love to me, Sho…”   
  
Masaki didn’t need to speak again. This time everything felt even more intense; perhaps because he had no fear…   
  
  
***   
  
  
“C’mon…”   
  
“No!”   
  
Jun sighed when he heard the small whine coming out from his boyfriend’s lips as the latter tightened his grip around him.   
  
“Kazu… You had promised me…!” Jun insisted knowing that it would be the only way to convince the other to actually do it.   
  
Nino sat up on the bed with a pout. “I can’t go today. I have to meet with the lawyer tomorrow and I need to keep a clear mind!”   
  
Jun sighed again, taking the other in his hands letting him hide his head in the crook of his neck.   
  
“Kazu… I know it’s hard but you promised me that you’d deal with it…!”   
  
“I did that to convince you go for another round…” Nino whispered on Jun’s skin knowing that the tremble in his voice betrayed the truth.   
  
“Baby…” Jun made Nino look at him by capping both his cheeks in his palms. “You wouldn’t need to convince me for that… Making love to you makes me feel complete more than anything…” he smiled seeing the blush covering his lover’s face. “We’ll go together and I’ll be waiting outside for you. If you feel it’s too much, I’ll be there… I promise you!”   
  
Nino bit his lower lip. These past two days they had spent time together, talking, snuggling, making love. It felt as if they were in their own small paradise where no problems of the real life could come and affect them. Yet both of them knew that they were there. Nino had contacted one of the best lawyers, after Jun’s persistence, so that he could escape the worst. He had decided to close the magazine and pay the two actors as much as they wanted. He didn’t want any money he had earned… It felt unusually dirty in his hands… He still didn’t know what he’d do but at the moment, it was enough that he was with Jun. Only seeing _his_ eyes was giving him more strength than ever… he felt ready for many things but one… facing the man that made him like this.   
  
He knew that Jun was right. He had never heard the other side but he didn’t want to… or more correctly he was afraid to; afraid that it may have been more complicated than he had realized back then or worse, that he may have done something wrong. In both cases he’d feel vulnerable. He had decided that Ohno Satoshi would be the chapter of his life, he would keep it locked in the darkest corner of his mind. Of course, now, he wasn’t alone; he had Jun but he still felt as if he was opening wounds that hadn’t closed well. He knew that exactly _this_ was the reason why Jun insisted on clearing things up with the other man. He knew he should do it; not only because he owed it to Jun but even more because he owed it to himself. He owed it to _them_ to be free of every trace of his old self.   
  
He looked at the other’s eyes, knowing well there was no way out. “Fine… but I have three conditions!”   
  
“I’m listening…”   
  
“One. You will have your phone in hand and answer my call the next second!”   
  
“I will…”   
  
“Two. You will prove to me when we come back home how much complete you feel when we make love!”   
  
Jun let out a small chuckle that immediately turned into a warm smile. “As many times as you want…”   
  
“And three. Kiss me!”   
  
Jun made them sat up better and leaned forward. “I love you, my Kazu…” and with that he tilted his head on the side, surprised at Nino’s desperation once he claimed his lips but soon his mind turning blank, as he deepened the kiss, giving his lover exactly what he needed at the moment.   
  
~.~.~   
  
Satoshi heard loud knocks on the door of his gallery. He went closer, surprised to see nobody else but Nino behind the glass. He hadn’t even dared to admit it to himself that he felt uncomfortable with his ex-boyfriend. He didn’t have the time to think now though. He took a deep breath and opened the door, letting Nino enter, not knowing what to expect.   
  
The whole atmosphere was awkward, heavy silence becoming unbearable. Nino didn’t say anything, as he let his eyes move from painting to painting.   
  
“They’re beautiful…” Satoshi frowned. He surely didn’t expect to hear that. “But how couldn’t they be? Art is or rather… _always_ was your love… your first and only love…” Nino continued as if he was speaking to himself and not to the other.   
  
Satoshi asked Nino about the lawsuit, trying to sound as neutral as possible.   
  
Nino could only smile. “I didn’t come for chitchat, Ohno-san. Whatever happens to me, it’s my business and believe me I’ll survive. You had once told me I was stronger than I thought and you were proved right” he turned around and faced the artist for the first time since he had entered.   
  
“I want you to know that this will be the last time you will ever see me but Jun was right. I have to close this chapter of my life. Till now it was you who ruled my life even if I denied it stubbornly. Since I met Jun, you and the hatred in me, _caused from you_ , subsided. Now, I want to rule my own life along with the person I love the most. I came for Jun and me… I owe it _us_! So, I’m here to hear the truth as painful as it may be. Don’t try to lie to me. Just to give you an example, Ohno Satoshi, learn that I had come to your place on our second anniversary. I have seen you with him!”   
  
Satoshi lowered his head knowing that he had to tell everything. “I know. I wanted you to see us…”   
  
Before he could control himself, Nino slapped the older man, tears blocking his sight, his chest moving up and down full of anger.   
  
Satoshi though didn’t even flinch. He looked straight at Nino’s filled-with-tears eyes. “I did it because it was the only way to protect you…”   
  


 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 

 


	7. Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple' by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

Author: Andy-chan ([](https://antimiya88.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **antimiya88**](https://antimiya88.dreamwidth.org/) )

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)

Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple' by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, ~~unfortunately~~.

  

 

Part 7

 

 

Sho was watching his boyfriend sleeping peacefully on top of him. His body had turned numb as they were both on Masaki’s sofa but he didn’t mind. The weight and the warmness was making him feel happier than he had ever been in his life. He still couldn’t believe that Masaki was his boyfriend but he had heard the sincerity in Masaki’s words, the same way he had felt the love while he was making his for a second time.

 

“I love you so much…” he whispered, pressing his lips on top of Masaki’s head just to gain a small whine in return.

 

Just holding him like this felt so natural, as if they belonged together. When he came to find him the previous night, he was determined that the other might reject him… When he kissed him out of the blue, he expected the other to push him away... When this morning, he heard Masaki speaking of his insecurities, his fears he wanted to chase them away…. When he revealed everything, he was afraid that he would be sent away.

 

He wasn’t as strong as Masaki believed he was but he had decided to fight, even if it meant pain till the end and he was glad he had taken this decision because now, he was rewarded with this wonderful feeling of having the man he loved the most in his life sleeping on top of him with no more hidden truths, questions and answered parts of the past. Masaki told him that he wanted to be with him, that he believed in them. Masaki was his boyfriend. His lips curved into a smile. Yes… this adorable man was his boyfriend. He only wanted to see him smile because he deserved it… and Sho was determined to see his smile every single day.

 

“My love…” Sho whispered again, lost in his thoughts, without realizing that the other had already woken up.

 

“I like how it sounds, when it comes from your lips…” Masaki mumbled in a raw, due to the sleep, voice.

 

“I woke you up?!” Sho asked, his right hand brushing through Masaki’s hair.

 

The latter turned around so that he could look at Sho’s face better, placing his hands on top of the other’s torso and resting his jaw on them. “No… it was time for me to wake up, though I admit that if you start waking me up like this I might get spoiled and demand kisses and sappy words to be my alarm from now on…”

 

“Even if you didn’t demand it, I would… and not only to wake you up but whenever I had the chance!” Sho said and pecked Masaki’s lips enjoying the small blush that had covered his boyfriend’s cheeks. “You’re so cute…”

 

Masaki lowered his eyes, his lips curving into a hint of smile. “I love you…”

 

Sho wrapped his arms around the slim waist, pressing their bodies more. “I love you more, Masaki…”

 

Masaki didn’t say anything in reply. He captured Sho’s lips into a soft, full-of-feelings kiss before burying his head in the crook of Sho’s neck.

 

“I can feel your heart… I like the way it feels against my body…”

 

Sho chuckled as he tightened his grip around his boyfriend. “I’m glad because it beats only for you…”

 

Masaki pressed his lips on Sho’s neck letting the other feel that he was smiling. “I can’t imagine how a sweet talker like you, was alone...”

 

“Because I’m not. I only say the truth and the fact that you are my whole life isn’t sweet talk, Masaki. I love you…” Sho frowned as he felt something warm on his neck. “Masaki?”

 

The latter moved a bit so that he could see his lover’s eyes. “I love you too, Sho… I’m happy. I can yell it to the whole world that I am happy! At first, I never expected to wake up from that storm…”

 

Sho cleared the traces of Masaki’s tears before he pecked his nose. “Don’t you know that after a storm there’s always a rainbow? A part of me didn’t want you to have passed through all this mess but I admit, a smaller part, a selfish one, was actually happy for it…” Masaki frowned at Sho’s latter words. “Because it was thanks to this storm that I can hold you in my arms right now…”

 

“Selfish indeed!” Masaki said as he tried to muffle his laugh. “But still a sweet talker!”

 

“For you, I’ll be whatever you want me to…”

 

“Then I want you to never stop being one… I’m a sucker for sappy words…”

 

Sho smiled before he kissed softly Masaki’s lips. “When do you start your rehearsal for the theater?”

 

Masaki’s eyes widened. “You remember…”

 

“Of course, I remember!  It was that call from the director that made you give me a kiss…” Sho replied teasingly before clearing his throat. “But now, seriously… when do you start? Maybe I should-”

 

“In two days and you’re not going anywhere. I want to rehearse my words with you later this evening. I need you, I mean unless you have to go to your wor-”

 

“I took a five-day leave. I’m all yours!”

 

Masaki’s face was shining from happiness making him look even more beautiful in Sho’s eyes. “Then, it’s perfect!” he exclaimed enthusiastically before he let out a small hiss as he tried to get on a sitting position. He managed to with difficulty, his lower back being a bit sore after the passionate moments they shared both in the night and earlier this morning but he couldn’t care less at the moment.

 

“Are you ok?” Sho asked, his voice reflecting concern.

 

“I’m fine, Sho!” Masaki replied with a small chuckle. “Just a bit sore… It’s been a while since I had sex for the last time but I honestly don’t care. I wanted it… This little soreness is a reminder that we are now together! After a hot bath, I’ll be in perfect shape again!”

 

Sho though didn’t seem to share the same opinion, staring worryingly at his boyfriend. “I don’t want you to be in any kind of pain, Masaki. I should have been able to control myself. Especially this morning… I was too harsh when it had been only a few hours since we last-” he was hushed by Masaki’s hand.

 

“I don’t want you to control yourself… I want you to show me everything you have for me… I want it all, Sho. Last night and this morning, you made me feel treasured, loved, desired. So far, you had shown me your caring side, which I love with all my heart, but I discovered another one… a passionate, rawer but always honest side of yours that made me feel alive. Besides, it was _me_ the one who asked you to make love to me knowing that I might be sore afterwards but not caring about it. I wanted to feel you inside of me. I wanted to believe that this wasn’t a dream… that we were indeed together… Believe me, Sho, I have never felt more complete in my life!”

 

“But-”

 

“I don’t want to make the same mistakes…” Masaki lowered his head, his eyes locking on his lap. “I want us to succeed!”

 

Sho sighed. “And we will…” he said in a low voice as he protectively secured the other in his arms.

 

“You promise?” Masaki asked in a whisper.

 

Sho smiled. “I promise. Now, c’mon… Let’s get a warm bath and then we can do whatever you want before our rehearsal starts!”

 

Masaki’s gloomy face changed back into a smiling one. “Could we go and have a brunch?”

 

“Are you asking me on a date? Sho said in a teasing tone, enjoying seeing the excitement written all over his boyfriend’s face.

 

“As a matter of fact, I am!” Masaki replied in a firm, serious way, making Sho to smile wider.

 

“There’s nothing I’d love more but you should know that you ruined it for me…”

 

Masaki frowned. “Ruined _it_?”

 

“Yes…” Sho pecked Masaki’s lips once again. “Because I would have asked you first!”

 

***

 

Jun was watching the coffee he had in front of him, knowing that he had already turned cold. He would lie, if he said he wasn’t feeling anxious about the whole Nino’s meeting with his ex-boyfriend. It was him the one who had pushed Nino into meeting with the artist but no matter how much he had tried to pretend the strong one, he knew he wasn’t. He was afraid. What if the truth was different from what Nino always thought? And if that was the case, what if Nino had to choose between him and Ohno Satoshi? What if Nino discovered that he loved the other more than him?

 

They hadn’t been together for a long time and Jun knew positively that Nino loved him. But he also knew that Nino had loved Ohno Satoshi so much that he turned into someone revengeful, someone who would hate everyone and never allow the others to approach him. Nino still didn’t want to see him what meant that he was still hurt… he still had feelings concerning this man, even if they were negative… he still cared and that was making Jun anxious.

 

\---

 

_Fifteen minutes earlier…_

 

 

_“I don’t want to do this, Jun… I don’t want to see him…”  Nino had never sounded more insecure than he did at the moment... his voice was trembling and his hand that was holding Jun’s one was covered in sweat._

_Jun turned so that he could look at him properly and held him by his shoulders. “I know you don’t want to but you have to, Kazu… You have to move on completely. We have to write a new chapter in our lives. I have cleared things up with Masaki. We have spoken… now, the only one that rests is this one… I believe in you-”_

_“But I don’t believe in me…” Nino whispered, his head turned on the side. “I hate him, Jun… and I’m afraid if I see him and know everything, I might hate him more and-”_

_“Whatever it is, we will fight it together… Remember, you’re not alone this time, Kazu… You have me…”_

_Nino looked up at Jun who was smiling at him reassuringly. “You promise you’ll be here?”_

_Jun pointed at the small café a few meters away. “I’ll be right there… Whatever you need, call me. Ok? Be strong, Kazu…”_

_Nino bit his lower lip but nodded._

_Jun was watching his lover walking slowly towards the art gallery and with every step of Nino, his heart was beating faster and more painful._

_“I love you…” the words came out as a whisper. It was then that he realized how much he had come to love the other... to care for the other… Nino had been the only one with whom he didn’t need to speak and he needed him in his life; no matter what. He knew that he couldn’t see him walking out of his life like that… ‘I believe in you, Kazu… I believe in you…’ he thought and a sad smile appeared on his face. He had to believe in them._

\---

 

His phone, placed right in front of him on the table, still hadn’t rang. Jun couldn’t decide whether this was good or bad. He sighed as he turned his eyes outside the small café. From the window, he could see the corner of the small art gallery in which his boyfriend was at the moment. _You have to come back to me, Nino… Please…_ Sighing, he covered his face with his palms.

 

He didn’t know how long he had remained in the same position but it was a familiar voice that startled him and pulled him out of his thoughts.

 

“Jun?”

 

He turned on his side, surprised to find his ex-boyfriend together with that journalist he had seen on his movie premiere. _I knew it would be him…_

“Are you ok?”

 

Jun sighed. Masaki would never change; he would still care for everyone.

 

“I’m ok…” Jun cleared his throat not wanting to betray the nervousness he felt. “So, I was right when I thought that it would be that journalist the one that had made you drink… You seem happy… You deserve it…”

 

Masaki smiled, squeezing softly Sho’s hand. “I had a good friend pointing out my mistake…”

 

Jun tried to smile but failed. He also wanted to be happy, with no questions and no insecurities like in that moment.

 

“My name is Sakurai Sho, nice to meet you, Matsumoto-san.”

 

Jun nodded trying to be polite. He could tell by the stiff tone of the other that he wasn’t as delighted to meet him as he tried to sound but who would be knowing that someone had behaved towards Masaki the way he had? “Nice to meet you too, Sakurai-san”

 

To his surprise, Masaki sat on the empty chair next to him, his eyes staring intensely at his. “Jun, has something happened? You don’t seem-”

 

Jun patted on Masaki’s shoulder. “I assume you two are on a date, I’d better not occupy more of your time toge-”

 

“You’re not answering my question, Jun, and before you say anything, we will still have time to enjoy our date. Has something happened with the one you’ve been together lately? I mean… that night at the bar you seemed-”

 

“He’s meeting with his ex as we’re speaking…” Jun muttered knowing that there was no way Masaki would leave unless he found out everything. “I’m waiting for him…”

 

“Unsettled stuff?” Masaki asked with concern.

 

Jun smiled bitterly. “You can say so…”

 

“But he has chosen you. If you’re waiting for him here, aren’t you together?”

 

Jun lowered his head. “We are… We spoke… a lot actually but I’m afraid…”

 

It wasn’t usual for Jun to lose his composure. He had always been the one to control his feelings better than anyone and Masaki felt his heart clench. He still cared for Jun… apart from being his ex, he was still his friend; he had been the one who supported him. He hadn’t let Takizawa have it easy, the same way he had helped him take the right decision when it came to Sho but now he felt it was his job to support him, to be there for him. He owed it to him….

 

He looked up at his boyfriend and couldn’t be happier when he saw him giving him a reassuring nod. For once again, Sho was proved to be a wonderful person. Masaki knew that the latter didn’t feel completely ok with the whole situation, especially when he had told him how Jun had treated him until they broke up, but with that small nod Sho showed that he had faith in him and respected the place Masaki had decided to keep for Jun in his life.

 

Masaki could see the mess Jun was. It was obvious that the other was deeply in love with this man, whoever he was. As a matter of fact, he could even say that this was perhaps the only time that the other was truly in love. Jun deserved to be happy… They had both made their mistakes and they had learnt from them. Now, it was time to turn the page and fill it with only happy memories.

 

“It will be ok…”

 

“I don’t know…” Jun replied with a trembling voice. This person has caused him too much pain, Masaki. But the problem is that he has never heard the story from the other’s point of view. What if it wasn’t like he believed all these years? I don’t know whether his ex was at fault or not… What if he wasn’t?! What if I lose him?”

 

“Where is this person you’re talking about meeting with his ex?”

 

Sho’s question made Jun frown. He looked up at the other man, realizing that his eyes were fixed on the corner where the small art gallery was. It was then that he remembered Nino’s words. _“Sho, my friend…”_ Could this man be…? It felt as if a knot was stuck on Jun’s throat. “Sakurai-san, I’m sorry but are you by any chance Kazu’s old friend? The one from university?”

 

Both Sho and Masaki stared at Jun with wide eyes.

 

“Jun, don’t tell me that you are with Ninomi-”

 

“You know him…” Jun looked at Masaki before turning his gaze to Sho. _Of course, he would have told him everything…_ Jun sighed, knowing there was no point in hiding the truth. “Yes. The person I am with is Ninomiya Kazunari…”

 

“But… how?” Masaki asked not being able to hide his surprise.

 

“He found me one night when I was about to hit a paparazzi…” Jun spoke almost in a whisper, his eyes locked outside of the window. “We passed the night together… You can say that I was desperate, I don’t know… I just wanted to feel someone, you know… I was tired of being looked in a criticizing or even more in a pitiful way. He was the first one who knew who I was but didn’t look at me like that. I could tell that he could understand me… and the more time we spent together, the more I felt that we belonged together. I can’t explain it but it was as if we didn’t need any words, as if we could say everything just with our eyes. Perhaps it was because we were both broken… because we both made mistakes. When I found out that it was him the one who destroyed us, I admit I wanted to leave, I felt lost but then I remembered that I had never let you explain to me… and you also reminded it to me, Masaki, didn’t you? _“Don’t make the same mistake”_.

 

When he explained everything, I could feel his pain… Who was I to judge him and reject him? He told me he loves me and I believe him but…” Jun took a deep breath before he continued. “But no matter what, I know that he’s not 100% mind and I want him to be _completely_ mine… Even if he hates this Ohno Satoshi, the latter still has his place in my Kazu’s heart and I may be selfish but I want it all for me. So, today we agreed he would speak to him. I want to believe that he will come back to me… but a small part inside of me can’t help being afraid that he might choose _him_ over me…”

 

Jun buried his face in his palms when he felt a hand rubbing his back slowly.

 

“I’m sure he won’t let you down, Jun…”

 

Sho turned his gaze from Jun to Satoshi’s art gallery. He knew that Satoshi wasn’t at fault and in all honesty, before he found out that Jun was told everything, he’d say that the possibility of Nino going back with Satoshi was there but from the way the actor had just spoken, it was obvious that Nino had moved on. Sho knew well that Nino wasn’t someone who would easily open up to others; not only after he had distanced himself and been suspicious over everyone but even before. It had taken quite a long time to let Sho in his life and even more Satoshi.

 

So, if Nino had let this man enter in his life and lower his walls this quickly, then it only meant that he truly loved him; what mad Sho happier though was that the actor also loved Nino; truthfully and unconditionally. He could recognize his own fears and thoughts in Jun’s words… and he had also heard of the way Masaki had spoken of his relationship with the actor in the beginning. Now that he had met him himself, he had to admit that perhaps, this person was indeed the one for his friend.

 

“Have faith, Matsumoto-san. Nino isn’t someone who lets someone come really close unless he’s important to him… and I believe you are someone important to him.”

 

Jun sighed, trying to ease his heart that was beating like crazy.

 

“Whatever happens, it will be for the best… right?” Masaki tried to reassure him and Jun nodded with a small smile knowing that it would be the only way to make his ex leave and be with his boyfriend.

 

“I know… and Sakurai-san…?” Jun saw Masaki’s boyfriend making a small nod, his stare not as cold as in the beginning. “I’m happy Masaki found someone that can really make him happy. Please, take care of him; he’s a marvelous person and you might not believe it but I do care for him… I want him to be happy!”

 

“I believe it and trust me, Matsumoto-san I _will_ make him happy…”

 

“Jun is also a wonderful person, even if he denies it!” Masaki whispered with a smile and teary eyes.

 

Jun gave a small nod and made Masaki stand up.

 

“If I deny it, you’ll never leave! Please, go and enjoy your date!”

 

 

“We will but Jun… you will be happy, I know because you deserve it!”

 

Jun said nothing in return just waved with his left hand, sighing rather relieved when he saw them going to the back of the café. He wasn’t used to open up either. Masaki’s words, even Nino’s friend’s ones, were meant to make him feel better but the nerves were still there, eating him up. He turned his gaze to his phone. It was thirty minutes since Nino had gone to meet with Ohno Satoshi and still no sign of him coming back.

 

“I will try my best to have faith… but please, don’t be late, my Kazu…”

 

***

 

Nino couldn’t believe his ears. _Protect him?! Satoshi did everything to protect him?! By whom? And why?_

“What the hell are you talking about?” he hissed angrily. He had decided to hate him but that small phrase seemed to turn his world upside down. “Are you trying to make fun of me?” he asked furiously as he looked at the older man, his sight blurry because of the tears that threatened to fall on his cheeks.

 

Satoshi turned around, avoiding Nino’s questioning gaze.

 

“It was eight months before our anniversary when he first came to meet me. I had no idea who he was… It was when he gave me a check of a million yen to break up with you when I realized that your eyes had quite a similar shape to his, only that his were cold, empty…”

 

Nino gasped. _It can’t be…_

“Even if I couldn’t tell exactly how powerful he was, I knew that this person, Ninomiya Ryuhei, could mean no good. You were the first person that had made me happy and there was no way that I would let anyone separate us.” Satoshi stopped for a few seconds. “Then, he told me that if I let him go, he’d accept you back home and you wouldn’t have to fear of being molested or even encounter the threat of being sexually harassed… There was something in his voice that made me shiver. If he knew, it meant that not only didn’t he do anything to protect you but he may have been behind everything.

 

It was then that I realized that it was my job to protect you completely. I declined his offer and told him to go to hell.  Later that day I asked you to come and live with me… It’s not that I didn’t want to before, because I would lie, if I said no, but I knew I was a difficult person, Kaz-… _Nino_. I didn’t want to drive you away but you proved me wrong; not only didn’t you leave, but you gave me more.

 

I felt lucky… I felt that I could conquer the world with you by my side. I still remember the way you’d sleep with your book on your lap just because you didn’t want to go to bed when I was working on a painting till the early morning. It was small moments like these that made me invincible. For a few months, there would be no trace of him; I thought he had given up…” Satoshi chuckled before letting out a sigh. “How naïve was I? One day I found an envelope. Inside, there were photos of you and some men having surrounded you, molesting you…

 

They were from back then when you were living in the streets. There was also a letter inside to enlighten all details. In a few words, in the letter there was a clear threat that these pics would find their way to the media presenting you as some kind of rich kid who had gotten bored and decided to become a whore for fun…” the disgust was clear as words continued coming out from his mouth. “I got panicked… I went to find him in his office… Surprisingly, he accepted me. Once again, he offered me money but I declined. I asked him why couldn’t he let you be with me? _“He dared to disobey me and follow you; a mere, misleadingly visionary artist”_ were his exact words. I understood… It was his pride; you had dared to disobey him, to follow your own path that wasn’t designed according to his will.

 

I realized he considered you a puppy; a puppy that was meant to follow blindly his masters’ orders. He told me that if it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have made it… you would have gone back and that way he could make the best… use of you.” Satoshi’s voice had turned low as he continued speaking. “He told me he had many work partners who would like to fuck a young boy in exchange of business deals… I still remember how cynical he was. “ _What better bait than Kazunari?! He’s cute enough and he likes it to be taken anyway! It would be two birds with one stone!”_ I was sick… and I felt sicker minute after minute. I told him that you wouldn’t go back… that you had found your way in life… that you were a strong young man. To my surprise, he agreed. I’m sure he was watching you closely; he had lost but he wanted you to lose something as well, he wanted me to lose something as well.

 

I was ready to leave when I heard him laugh. I turned around and saw his eyes sparkling dangerously.  He told me that if I didn’t leave you, he would hurt you… I could tell that he would… I wished I was someone who could win against this monster but I wasn’t. Even if I went to a lawyer, I wouldn’t be able to win… I was just a poor artist. So, I decided to let you go. Perhaps in the future, he may lose all this power. Perhaps, I would become more powerful. I believed in us… So, I decided to do what I had to do back then; protect you.

 

I knew you wouldn’t leave me easily; not without a fight… I wouldn’t either… So, I had to make you feel betrayed… I needed a shock. After giving it some thought, I asked from my tutor to play this small role for me. Sho had informed me that you were preparing a surprise for me on our anniversary, so I called him to the apartment. I saw you from the window coming with that beautiful smile on your face that made me want to kiss you senselessly… and then I heard the door. I wanted to throw his hands away. I wanted to scream at you that I loved you, that I had nothing else to say, that there was no other man for me… but I couldn’t. I saw you going to the small park and then leave by throwing the bag in the dustbin… I climbed down the stairs and saw it… I started kicking the dustbin with all my might, not caring if the people that were passing by thought I was crazy…

 

It was around midnight when I dragged my feet back to my apartment. My eyes fell on the painting that was left hidden from you at the corner. It was your portrait. I was working on it secretly when you’d be asleep. I wanted it to be perfect… to show you how you were through my eyes… But I couldn’t… I didn’t tell Sho anything. What mattered was that you were safe…”

 

Satoshi took a deep breath trying to put his thoughts in order. “But then… I saw you changing… You’d sleep around… you’d be happy with other people’s misery… Somehow, I saw someone who wasn’t my Kazu… he was a complete stranger. For the first time in my life, I thought that perhaps I didn’t know you. I was missing you, I was crying the whole day and I was seeing you behave nothing alike… I started believing that perhaps you weren’t as strong as I thought you were and even worse; that perhaps you were hiding a side so dark that I couldn’t believe it existed in the beginning. I was stupid… I couldn’t accept it… I didn’t want to hate you, so I left… I had a scholarship for California and I went there, trying to learn to live without you.

 

It was only some years ago that I came back. I accidentally saw you walking out of a combini. You were moving like a robot; as if you were a shadow of your old self. As the years passed by, I started realizing that perhaps I should have told you the truth, that we should have fought together, that I shouldn’t have judged you. I should have stayed by your side when you needed me the most. I found Sho and explained everything to him. He called me stupid and many other names and he was right; I was. I tried to find you; explain…  but I knew it would be in vain…”

 

Satoshi dared to turn around only to see Nino standing shocked on his spot, tears running freely down his face.

 

“When I found out that the two actors had filed a lawsuit against you, I realized that by pushing you away the way I did back then, that monster’s wishes had come true; you had destroyed your life. I failed… I’m sorry…” the word came out as a whisper, as if Satoshi had finally given up.

 

Nino didn’t know what to say… For so many years, he had believed that Satoshi had cheated on him… had grown tired of him and decided to continue his life with someone else… but now… now, everything had turned upside down. He had lived all this mess because of his father? Because he hadn’t become the good in his father’s trade market? Because he had managed to live his own life?

 

His knees got weak and soon found himself on the floor, his heart pounding crazily. He wanted Satoshi to tell him that he didn’t love him anymore; that he had been a jerk; that it was his fault but now, after everything he found out, he couldn’t… Satoshi wasn’t a jerk; Satoshi did love him and it wasn’t his fault… It was that bastard’s fault… _That’s why Sho was telling me that I should listen to Satoshi’s side of story… He knew that he had done nothing wrong… but I blindly continued on refusing…_

“Kazu?”

 

Nino gasped at the sound of his name. It felt like yesterday when he had heard it coming out from Satoshi’s lips and it still sounded so melodic. It was still beautiful… He dared to look up and meet Satoshi’s face which was now only a few inches away from his. His heart started beating faster as Satoshi’s hand brushed softly through his hair.

 

“I’m really sorry for putting you through all this mess… I thought I was protecting you… I couldn’t realize that it was the wrong thing to do… I was stupid but I loved you too much…”

 

“I…” Nino mumbled under his breath, his eyes locked on Satoshi’s. He could see the pain written in them… but he could discreet something else as well… hope… and love…

 

“I _still_ love you… I tried to move on… but I couldn’t… You would always interfere in my thoughts, you’d always be there… with me… I just can’t let you go, Kazu…”

 

Nino felt his lips tremble.  Unconsciously, he raised his right hand and traced feather-like Satoshi’s right cheek. It wasn’t as chubby as it used to be, but the skin was still soft as silk. _So different from Jun’s..._ He gasped. What was he doing?! He had Jun… Jun was waiting for him a few meters away from there.

 

“Kazu…”

 

Nino closed his eyes trying to ease his heartbeat. He had never felt more confused. He wanted to yell, to curse, to start crushing things down. He wanted to escape. He had to… He made a few steps forward but felt a hand on his arm.

 

Satoshi could sense Nino’s confusion. Nino had told him when he came in that he had found someone to love. He was telling him the truth but Satoshi had also seen the way Nino started getting more and more confused as he heard him speaking. He could sense his indifference turning slowly into care… he wanted to fight. He wanted to fight till the end. Before, Nino didn’t know the truth but now, that he did, Satoshi wanted to claim his position in Nino’s heart. So, before the other left, he grabbed him by his arm.

 

He leaned without breaking the eye contact. He was giving Nino the time to go back but the other didn’t move, so he leaned closer, his thumbs wiping the remaining tears away before pressing his lips on top of his ex-boyfriend’s. They were still as soft as he remembered them. He didn’t move them until he felt Nino’s hands shyly finding their place on his back, as he tilted his head on the side to give him more access. The kiss went on till Nino abruptly pushed Satoshi away.

 

“I will be waiting for you on the bench outside my old apartment until midnight… If you don’t come, I promise I’ll never bother you again and I will respect your decision about my place in your life; that’s of course, _if_ you want me to have one.  Whatever it is, I promise, I will respect it…”

 

Nino said nothing. He left the art gallery still trying to realize everything that had just happened. He looked at his watch and to his surprise, one and a half hours had passed by. Would Jun still wait for him? _Jun…_ His steps grew heavier as his mind went to the actor. _What will I do?_

He walked towards the small café and he saw him holding his face with his hands. It was obvious that he was worried… Nino wanted to go inside, to hug him, to tell him that everything was alright but he couldn’t. He had never been more confused in his life. When Satoshi kissed him, it had felt like home… but then with Jun he felt safe… he had forgiven him when he had every right not to… he was the only one who had managed to brighten his life… he was the one who had helped him the most when he needed it and he was the one who had insisted on meeting with Satoshi that day… Jun was a great man and Nino knew positively how much he loved him.

 

He was lost in his thoughts when he heard his name.

 

“Kazu?” Nino looked up and realized that Jun was now standing in front of him. His eyes were trying to read him. “Are you ok?”

 

Nino only nodded, afraid of how his voice would come out.

 

“Will we go home?”

 

Nino bit his lower lip. “Jun, I’d appreciate it, if I had some time on my own… I-”

 

“It’s ok… I understand…”

 

Nino could detect the bitterness in Jun’s voice but preferred to remain silent. He needed to clear things up. He had to make an honest discussion with himself, so that he could finally live his life the way he wanted it.

 

“Thank you…” he whispered avoiding his boyfriend’s gaze.

 

“I will be in my apartment…”

 

Nino knew what the other meant and his heart clenched. He was hurting him but before he went to him, he needed to be sure that he’d never hurt him again.

 

Jun saw Nino walking away unable to reach for him, to stop him, until his figure disappeared. _I will be waiting for you, my love…_

 

***

 

Nino looked at the person in front of him and immediately his lips curved into a smile. The sight in front of him made it now perfectly clear to him that he didn’t need this confusion from earlier. He came closer, trying to make as less sounds as possible. It was only when he covered the other’s eyes with his hands that the latter took notice of his presence.

 

“I’m sorry it took me so long to realize that I had nothing to think about…” Nino whispered in the other’s ear before pressing a soft kiss on his cheek.

 

In a blink of the eye he found himself on the other’s lap, two arms wrapping around him. “I would have waited as long as I had to… I wouldn’t give up so easily…”

 

Nino said nothing more. He cupped both the other’s cheeks and claimed his lips passionately. There was no doubt; he was the one he wanted to be with… he was the one for him.

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

 


	8. Games of Betrayal and Loyalty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple' by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Title: Games of Betrayal and Loyalty 

Author: Andy-chan ([](https://antimiya88.dreamwidth.org/profile)[ **antimiya88**](https://antimiya88.dreamwidth.org/)  )

Pairings: Sakuraiba, Junba, Matsumiya, Ohmiya (past), Aiba x Takkey (mentioned), Jun x OC (mentioned)

Genre: AU, Romance, Angst, Slice of Life

Rating: R

Summary: Aiba Masaki and Matsumoto Jun are two of the hottest names in the show business. Both of them successful actors weren't afraid of revealing their relationship and now they are portrayed as the 'ideal couple' by the media but are they really as happy together as everyone believes? Masaki can't help but feel uneasy when he meets Sakurai Sho, a young journalist, who seems to be able to see through him. Will the secrets be revealed? And if yes, would that mean the end or probably the beginning of something new, a lot more fulfilling?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the boys, ~~unfortunately~~.

  
   

Part 8

 

Sho poured boiled water in his mug while hearing his boyfriend rehearsing his words. A soft smile appeared on his lips. It was the first time that he had the chance to see how it is to prepare for it. It was Masaki’s acting that had first attracted him to Sho but now that he could see how focused the other was, his eyes having a sparkle, Sho had never seen before, he could admit that he was falling deeper if that was even possible.   
 

He returned to the living room, a chuckle threatening to escape from his mouth as he saw Masaki frowning, desperate to remember the end of the sentence.

 

“… to like someone as… as…” Masaki frowned more trying to remember what was following “…superficial as this woman…” Masaki looked at the script cursing under his breath. “Damn this word! I messed up again!” After a long sigh he closed his eyes and started repeating the phrase. “It’s impossible for me to like someone as supercilious as this woman. It’s impossible for me to like someone as superfi- super _cilious_ as this woman. As supercilious as this woman.”

 

Sho smiled as he let the two mugs on the table before sitting next to his boyfriend. He could see how that the script was crumpled in Masaki’s hands.  Without saying another word, he took it from the other placing it on the table in front of them.

 

“This has to stay here for now…” Masaki was about to complain but was hushed by Sho’s lips. “You’ll never say it when you are like this!” Sho muttered the moment he broke the kiss, looking deeply into his boyfriend’s eyes.

 

“But the first rehearsal is tomor-”

 

“And you will be great, I’m sure you will, but at this moment, your brain needs a small pause… You push yourself too much and I’m sure you know it yourself that no one would be able to show the 100% of his capabilities when he stays under so much stress. I will say it once again even though I know you’ll never accept it. So far you’ve done a great job. You’ve learnt by heart 45 pages in less than three days and even if you make this small mistake now, you won’t do it at the rehearsal. I may not be an expert but I highly doubt that all the actors will have learnt all their words!”

 

Masaki looked at his lap and let out a long sigh. “I know that… But when I met with the director and the rest of the cast, I could feel their gazes. Some of them were only curious but there were also others… more critical; judging. As if they were asking me why I had to invade in their area of expertise. It may be heard cliché but unfortunately a large majority of the actors who focus only on theatre, especially the ones, who participate in smaller productions with no big names behind, believe that only _they_ do ‘real art’ while the ones who are participating in bigger productions or TV shows have focused on popularity… on money… Personally, I wanted to try different things… It was Jun the one who was after the big things. He always said that quality is important but recognition is the one that opens doors… I guess I now realize that he was right and wrong in the same time because now we have a label on us…” Masaki turned to Sho. “I need to prove to them that I’m not that label… I need to show everyone that I deserve to be there, that I’m not the seedy looking star they all think I am, that I work hard and take everything seriously!”

 

“And you will… do you know why?” Masaki frowned as Sho took his hands in his, holding them tightly. “Because you love what you’re doing… because acting for you is not a job. If it was, then I’d say yes… you’re someone who seeks fame. But you’re not. Sometimes luck plays weird games. Your relationship with Matsumoto played its role but you were an actor before that, you still remain one… a good one… a passionate one… It’s you who told me that you chose to follow this path because you found it fascinating to be able to think through someone else, to experience so many different emotions… There’s nothing to prove to them. You love acting; that’s enough! Forget about the script for a few minutes… Trust me!”

 

Masaki secured his head in the crook of Sho’s neck, his hands finding the latter’s waist. “I feel so lucky to have found you, Sho!”

 

Sho could feel his boyfriend relax in his arms, making him smile. “I just don’t want to see my love being so stressed when it’s not needed!” Sho mumbled, his lips ghosting on Masaki’s hair. “I love seeing you panting but for the right reasons, not for a script that you will master anyway!”

 

“You sound so much like Jun…” Masaki whispered to himself, not realizing that he had said it out loud. It was only when he felt Sho stiffening beside him that he bit his lower lip guiltily. “I didn’t mean to-”

 

“You don’t have to say anything, Masaki. He used to be your boyfriend… for years… You’ve somehow grown up together; you’ve experienced happy and sad moments together; you’ve passed through difficulties… a small part in me understands that he will always be an important person in your life…”

 

Masaki could clearly distinguish jealousy in Sho’s tone. Inevitably, a smile appeared on his face. He looked up at Sho who had a hint of pout that made him look cuter than ever in Masaki’s eyes. It showed a different side of his, a more vulnerable one and Masaki liked that.

 

“Sho… I-” he tried to speak once again just to be stopped.

 

“But I can’t deny that another one will always be jealous of him… He knows you better than me…”

 

“You have no reason to feel jealous, Sho… Jun… has been an important chapter in my life. Yes… he knows me well but that doesn’t necessarily mean that he knows me _better_ than you. And do you know why? You had met me once yet you could see right through me. You were the one who only with his eyes could speak to me… know how I feel… know what I want… Jun wasn’t able to do that. I also wasn’t able to do that. I feel like I know you in a way I could have never known Jun. Perhaps because we were too focused on ourselves or because we were more selfish that we should have. The moral is that we weren’t meant to be together. I have loved him. Very much. I can’t deny it and neither do I want to. He’s been an important person for me. I have learnt many things by his side… he influenced me like I believe I have influenced him, as well. When two people share their lives together and that goes on for years, it’s unavoidable.”

 

Masaki brought his right hand to trace feather-like Sho’s cheek to his jawline before moving upwards to his lips. “You have some similarities. I won’t lie to you. But you also have so many differences. Jun wouldn’t watch a romantic comedy with me, saying that it was boring… he wouldn’t let me cook chahan for three days in a row… he wouldn’t listen to me blabbering annoyingly without making an effort to make me stop… he wouldn’t always realize that I was sad or angry… the same way he wouldn’t speak to me about his insecurities. He always wanted to be the strong one… But above all, he wouldn’t make me feel complete just by being here with me; and that’s something I’ve never experienced in my life, Sho!”

 

“Whatever you may say, I will always be jealous… jealous because he had your love first!” Sho said with a small pout but Masaki could sense the tremble in his boyfriend’s voice. He knew that Sho was trying to lighten up the atmosphere and decided to go along.

 

“I didn’t know you had such a childish side, Sho! It’s cute! I like it!” he said with a grin as he threw his arms around Sho’s neck, bringing their bodies closer.

 

“You like to make your boyfriend jealous?”

 

“I like to see my boyfriend be jealous over stupid things and show it like that!”

 

“Matsumoto didn’t show his jealousy? Ever?!”

 

“No. He would never show it like this. He was too proud to accept it…”

 

“I can only say that I’m proud of my love for you which is so strong that only at the _idea_ of having another man flirting with you kills me!”

 

Masaki burst into laughs before leaning closer so that their foreheads were resting against each other. “What about when I’ll be on stage? You know there’s a kissing scene…”

 

Sho chuckled. “I know but it won’t be _Masaki_ the one who will have the kiss; it will be _Lucius_. I’m satisfied, as long as I know that Masaki will only want to kiss _me_ …”

 

“You don’t have to worry…” Masaki said in a mischievous tone. “Your kisses are addictive…”

 

“Better than Jun’s?”

 

Masaki burst into loud laughs. “Different…!”

 

Sho raised his eyebrow. “Different _as_?”

 

“As making my whole body numb!” Masaki said and attacked his boyfriend’s lips.

 

Masaki was now lying on his back with Sho on top of him, their lips still locked together when Sho’s phone started ringing.

 

“You should answer.” Masaki said between heavy pants as he broke the kiss.

 

“I have taken a few days off, it doesn’t matter…” Sho said, his glazed-from-lust eyes never leaving Masaki’s face.

 

He was about to kiss Masaki again when the latter stopped him. “It may be one of your friends…”

 

Sho gave it a thought for a second before grabbing his phone in hand. His eyes bulged. Immediately he pressed the reply button. “Hello?”

 

“ _I need to see you…”_

Sho didn’t need to say anything once the call was finished.

 

“Go… I will rehearse my words once again!” Masaki said softly before giving him a peck on his lips.

 

Sho looked at his boyfriend with a wide smile. He may have had exaggerated before to take his boyfriend’s mind away from the script for a while but he couldn’t deny that his heart was beating fast as he heard Masaki’s words. He had been right. They didn’t need words.

 

***

 

Nino opened his eyes looking at the sleepy figure on his side. His hand traced the lines of his face, before moving higher taking the small tufts away. He was so beautiful. Τhere were imperfections… like those small marks left on his cheeks from his teen years but to Nino, it was such small imperfections that made the other so perfect. He moved closer to his lover with a little difficulty as his lower back was still feeling sore; the night had been the craziest, the most insatiable and in the same time, the happiest of his life.

 

He had felt desired, not being able to forget how those beautiful hazel eyes had turned dark from lust and hunger as they were moving all over him; he had felt worshiped, feeling two hot lips tracing every single inch of his naked body, spreading kisses, others softer, others more heated, everywhere they could reach; he had felt loved, hearing the sweet whisper of the words he craved to listen to the most while his body was lost in a breathtaking delirium, making his mind go blank.

 

_“I love you…”_ These three words were following every powerful thrust, making his hands hold on the other’s back tighter, his nails scratching the soft skin, leaving marks behind, as if he was afraid of losing him, as if he wanted to give his answer because in his state it was impossible to utter a single word, his mouth agape due to the desperate need to breathe; he had felt treasured, being hugged tenderly, once all the intensity had subsided; he had felt protected, feeling the other’s body spooning him as he whispered goodnight, his hand around Nino’s waist; he had felt complete, hearing the soft breathing behind him. He had felt serene; the smile with which he fell asleep was the ultimate answer after all those questions and doubts that had crossed his mind these past few days.

 

Now, he felt so stupid… stupid because he had even dared to doubt the answer when he had already known it. He had been nothing more than a jerk to the other, yet he was treated, as if he was the most perfect man on Earth. He had hurt him, he had made him suffer… not only once… he had behaved egoistically… but he was still there… Nino’s lower lip started trembling as a soft sob left his throat. Tears filled his eyes as his hand moved softly to caress the other’s hair. Was he crying out of relief? Guilt? Happiness? He couldn’t name it… _again…_ All that he knew was that he wanted to ask for forgiveness; something the other hadn’t let him do. _“There’s nothing to apologize for… You’re here and that’s enough…”_ he had said, making Nino wonder what he had done in his life to deserve such a person by his side.

 

He moved closer, feeling the steady, hot breath hitting on his chin. His lips curved into a soft smile.  His heart was beating fast. He loved this man so much… more than he’d ever thought it was possible for someone to love. “I’m sorry… for making you wait…” he whispered not wanting to wake him up. He couldn’t imagine his life without him. He couldn’t imagine waking up every morning, without seeing him at the other side of the bed. He pressed his lips on the other’s ones and let his head rest on the naked torso. “I don’t deserve you… But I know that I’m an egoist enough to want to stay by your side forever…”

 

“I’m glad you’re an egoist… But even if you weren’t, you’d still be here… because I’m one, too; worse than you!”

 

Nino looked up surprised to meet the two beautiful eyes of his man looking back at him, full of adoration.

 

“I-”

 

“Come here…” Nino immediately moved closer to the other, so that their faces were only a few inches apart. “I don’t want to see these eyes red again… the same way I don’t want to hear this cute voice of yours say such stupid things and tremble like this… That’s only allowed when you’re in a position similar to that of last night!”

 

Nino felt tears again but this time he could tell it was only from happiness. “I feel so stupid…” He brought his hand up to the other’s face tracing it feather-like. “Because there was nothing to think about… I already knew the answer… My _heart_ always knew…”

 

“Kazu…”

 

“You were the one who showed me that I could be a dreamer… that my innocent self hadn’t been wrong… because fairy tales do exist; love at first sight does exist; soul mates do exist; True love does exist in this shitty world… It may be rare but it’s still out there. Sometimes, if you’re lucky you find it easy; sometimes you have to be patient… but it’s out there…”

 

“Kaz-”

 

“I love you, Jun”

 

Jun smiled, his hand caressing Nino’s hair feather-like while trying to blink the tears that had built up in his eyes away. He hated seeing Nino like this. He knew his boyfriend was feeling guilty because he had been confused… he had tried to convince him that there was no reason for him to feel like that. He had chosen him and that was all that mattered to him. “Why do you have to be so sappy this early in the morning?” he asked in a soft voice, trying to lighten up the atmosphere.

 

Nino wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, holding him tightly. “I’m not sappy. I’m only saying the truth. I’m sorry for causing you so much pain… I promise that from now on I will dedicate myself into bringing you happiness…”

 

“You don’t need to do anything… because just having you here in my arms is my ultimate happiness, Kazu…”

 

Nino gasped. “Who’s being sappy now?!” he tried to say in a playful way, knowing that he would start crying once again, if he didn’t.

 

“I’m not sappy. I’m only saying the truth.” Jun repeated Nino’s words, gaining a small punch on his left arm.

 

“And now you’re mocking me!”

 

“I love you, Kazu.” Jun whispered, his eyes locked on Nino’s face and voice having turned completely serious.

 

Nino bit his lower lip, feeling his heart ready to explode in his chest. “I… I love you, too…” he whispered with difficulty.

 

They didn’t need to say anything else. They locked their lips together into a soft, full-of-emotions kiss that soon turned into a heated one, both trying to taste as much as possible, tongues dancing sensually together.

 

Slowly, Nino was pushed on his back while Jun’s hands reached for the hem of his T-shirt wanting to feel the hot skin under his fingers.

 

“Wait!” Nino broke it trying to find his breath. “I don’t think I… can handle it again… I feel too sore…”

 

“We don’t need to go all the way, baby…”

 

“It’s not that I don’t want it… _you_ … but I wouldn’t-”

 

“I know…” Jun lowered his face brushing their noses together and chuckled when he saw his lover underneath him blush at this small touch. “We can always switch, if you wish to…” Jun whispered on Nino’s lips before pecking them. He had never considered it before; he hadn’t even thought about it when the words came out of his mouth but he could only smile. Yes… he wouldn’t mind… because this was _Nino_ …

 

Nino’s eyes bulged when he realized what his boyfriend was implying. “What?! You can’t possibly mean to-”

 

“If it’s you, I don’t mind…”

 

Nino felt his eyes getting teary again. How many more surprises was this man hiding? How much more would he leave him speechless?

 

“Now, why are you crying?” Jun said in a low voice as he caressed feather-like Nino’s hair. “Knowing that it will be you, kind of makes me want to try…”

 

“But… why?” Nino asked with a trembling voice.

 

“Because even if I don’t like to do it that way very much, I really like the idea of being entirely _yours_ … Because _I love you_ , Kazu” Jun said in the warmest way Nino had ever heard. “And I like to hear your voice trembling for the right things… just like now…”

 

Nino didn’t have the chance to say anything else as Jun turned them around, crushing their lips together. Nino looked at his lover looking at him with reassuring eyes, giving him everything possible. He could only smile. Now, he knew it positively. It would have always been Jun.

 

~.~.~

 

“Are you nervous about the trial?”

 

Nino looked up at his boyfriend who brought him a cup of hot coffee.

 

“No… I can say that I’m happy… I will have to close the paper as well as to get rid of the money I have earned because of it… I’m truthfully relieved!”

 

Jun knew how much Nino felt the urge to get rid of everything that reminded him that part of his life.

 

“I know that you hate it but a small part in me is grateful to this paper of yours… because it was the reason why we met… it was the one that made me push you away just to realize how much I love you; how much I need you in my life…”

 

Nino sighed. “If you put it that way, I’m grateful, as well…” his voice was still tiny but the hint of smile was also there.

 

“Have you talked with the lawyer?”

 

“He has contacted the two agencies to see if he can arrange things out of court. I personally don’t care. I just want to get over with it… Think of it as my personal catharsis after all the tragedy that has been so far my life…”

 

“I didn’t know you knew things about Greek Tragedy!”

 

Nino flashed Jun a wide smile. “I do… In fact I know many things… you still haven’t discovered anything, Mister Matsumoto!”

 

Jun chuckled. “I can’t wait to discover then!”

 

They were sipping their coffees in a comfortable silence when Nino spoke again, his gaze focused on some blind spot on the wall across them.

 

“Will they accept me?”

 

Jun looked at his boyfriend with a frown. “Who?”

 

“Sho and… Satoshi… if he’s ok with it. I may don’t love him romantically but I wouldn’t like to lose him from a friend. I have suffered because of him, but now I know that he has suffered, as well; perhaps more than me because he knew when I didn’t… They have both been my friends. Sho was the first who made me feel like every other person of my age and… Satoshi… I owe him a part of who I am today and I’m not referring to the shitty part. He was the first who made me believe that I was strong enough to live my life the way I wanted it…”

 

Jun wasn’t surprised. Deep inside, he didn’t feel totally ok with this choice, he couldn’t lie to himself, but it was Nino’s decision and he would respect it. Nino had told him everything; even that the artist had kissed him before he left his gallery. He wanted to punch the artist for having the guts to touch his boyfriend but in the same time, he couldn’t judge him. Ohno Satoshi had done it because he still loved Nino, cared for him. He may have done the same, if he were in his position.

 

Suddenly, he felt Nino’s hand finding his, intertwining their fingers together and smiled. This small touch brought him out of his thoughts and reminded to him that he could be ok because Nino had chosen _him_ ; Nino loved _him_ and that was what all that mattered. Hadn’t he chosen to keep a contact with Masaki? He had; because he knew his ex-boyfriend cared for him… Besides hadn’t the latter said it in that press conference a few months ago? _“When you have loved someone for real, you still care for him…”_ Jun smiled. Masaki was right. They had been first friends just like it had happened with Nino and this Ohno. From the moment Nino had opened his heart to him, he had guessed that his boyfriend wouldn’t want to let the artist completely out of his life, the same way he didn’t want Masaki out of his. This time he wouldn’t be an egoist; he had made that mistake in the past and he had paid for it but not anymore…

 

“I’m sure he wouldn’t like losing you either…” Jun whispered and pressed his lips on Nino’s forehead.

 

“What have I done to deserve someone like you?”

 

“You love me…”

 

Nino turned to his side, knowing that any word had been stuck on his throat. He took a deep breath before speaking again. “But there’s something more… I want to get to know _him_ as well, if I can…”

 

 

“Him as…?”

 

“As Sho’s boyfriend…”

 

“You mean… Masaki…?!” Jun asked not able to hide his surprise.

 

Nino smiled. “Yes. Not only because he’s with Sho but also because he’s someone who has been an important person in your life and I know that he will always be… You said to me that it’s the people who have passed by our lives that define a part of who we have become. So, I’m curious… I don’t really know him but I believe he’s an interesting person. He has put me in my place in the past; let’s say some words of his were the beginning of my doubts, a first shock… and then… with you… I knew what I wanted… _know_ what I want. I want to start over, Jun…”

 

“You will, Kazu. We will start over together…”

 

“God, I love you so much…”

 

“Not more than _I_ love _you_!” Jun said softly and hugged Nino, enjoying the way the other felt in his arms. He could already feel it… that new start… and that was enough.

 

***

 

Sho knocked on the door hesitantly.

 

“ _Enter!_ ”

 

He opened it, gasping surprised when he came across an office empty except for a few boxes on the floor. The man in front of him was standing having his back to him, looking outside.

 

“I’m closing it!” he heard the other telling him still in the same position.

 

Sho wanted to ask what had happened but could only smile when he heard the happiness, he even dared to say the enthusiasm, hidden behind every single word spoken.

 

“I’m glad!” he said truthfully.

 

The other turned around having a wide smirk on his face. “You always hated it!” the words caused Sho to chuckle.

 

“I wasn’t referring to the magazine. I was referring to you… I’m glad that you sound happy… Finally, I can see the Nino I knew! For the first time in years, I’m seeing my friend!”

 

Nino smiled looking almost shy. “So, you mean that we still… Are we friends?”

 

“I never stopped being your friend, Nino…” Sho replied making Nino sigh relieved before a bigger smile covered his face.

 

“I am happy, Sho!”

 

“I know! I can see it! It’s been a while since your eyes were shining like this… I’m happy that you found the one! You deserve happiness!”

 

Nino gasped.

 

“We, me and Masaki, met him by accident; he was dying in nervousness while waiting for you in that small café close to Satoshi’s gallery shop. From the moment I found out that you had opened up to Matsumoto Jun, I knew that you loved him… _truly_ loved him… and from the way he said everything, I knew he loved you, too; more than Satoshi had loved you or _could_ ever love you; perhaps because a part of his would always be protective in the sense of an older brother… Sometimes we love someone in many different ways but it’s only one that it’s the strongest. I think that Matsumoto Jun is the one that owns that type of love of yours. I had told him not to worry… I knew you’d choose him…”

 

“But… How…?”

 

“When I saw that Satoshi had texted me after midnight that night, I simply had my confirmation. You know, Nino, once the glass is broken it can’t be back together… And unfortunately in yours and Satoshi’s case, the glass remained broken for too long…”

 

Nino looked at his friend closely, his voice full of concern, worry. “Did he…?”

 

“He already knew it…” Sho cut him off.

 

Nino sighed, lowering his head. “Will I ever talk to him again?”

 

“Give him some time… I’m sure you will because he really cares…”

 

Nino smiled. “Like you…?”

 

Sho came closer to his friend. “Like me!”

 

“I’m sorry… I’ve been a jerk…”

 

“You have but not because you wanted to… you were hurt, Nino. I knew that you didn’t like it. I could see it in your eyes… They were empty, without any trace of life in them. I knew deep inside you were always my best friend, even if you denied it with all your might!”

 

“Sho? I want to ask you a favor…”

 

“What?”

 

“In two days, it’s confirmed that most of my savings will go to the two actors for the settlement…”

 

“I… know… It’s everywhere in the news…” Sho mumbled.

 

Nino smiled bitterly. “It was time for me to taste the same bitterness I was causing but I’m actually happy because that way I put an end to all that. After that, I will be back to zero… but I’m ok with it. Sometimes, starting from zero makes you feel refreshed. I…” he hesitated for a couple of seconds before taking a deep breath and continuing. “…thought about it well and I want to serve journalism… the one I used to be in love with… but I’m sure I won’t have the chance; who would want Ninomiya Kazunari in their paper?!”

 

Sho was about to speak but Nino made a nod to him to remain hush. “I already know the answer; no one. I wouldn’t choose me either, if I were them… but I want to try… I really do… You’re somebody who I trust and the only one who still believes in me…”

 

“I will talk to my boss, he trusts me… I believe that you may have the chance in the paper but you know what this means…”

 

Nino smiled listening to Sho. He had always been able to know what he wanted to say. “I want to start over and climb each step separately. If I need to bring coffees in the beginning, I will! If they tell me to mop all the floors, I will! I’ll do anything to prove that I’m serious about it!”

 

Sho could see the determination in Nino’s eyes and all he could do was smile. He had missed that sprightliness his friend always had when he was talking about his dreams back in their first university years. He couldn’t say anything more. He just hugged his best friend.

 

“Welcome back!”

……………………………………………..

_Two months later…_

 

Masaki threw a small glance at the audience from the corner of the stage. His hands were sweating like crazy; his stomach was cramped; his mind had turned blind. He had distinguished two critics sitting in the second and fifth row. There were many familiar faces of journalists, more or less important, many of which had been in front of him for that press conference when he had broken up with Jun. He knew that he’d attract attention. There was no doubt that the birds of prey were out there, always looking for a victim but he wanted to succeed. It had been difficult to be accepted by his colleagues but his dedication to his role, the theatrical piece, his obedience to the director’s suggestions had made them change their mind. He would now be welcomed with a smile but everyone out there would judge him from only these two hours he’d be on stage.

 

He remembered the last day of his acting school exams, feeling nervous of being on stage. Today, though he felt worse. This was the biggest test of his life as an actor. Today was his only chance to prove that he deserved the roles he had gotten in the past because of his talent and not because of the fame he gained because of his relationship to Jun. He had to prove that more than a star, he had always been an actor.

 

He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths. His lips curved into a smile as he reminisced the way Jun would have stayed by his side, telling him that that night he wasn’t Aiba Masaki playing a role. He was his character that reacted his story to other people.

 

Jun would always stay by his side before he went on the stage. He knew how nervous he was and he had always the way to relax him. Tonight it would be the first time that Jun wouldn’t be anywhere and as much as he loved Sho, as much as the latter had sent him tons of encouraging and full of love texts, Jun always knew what to tell him to make him relax. Perhaps, because he was also an actor.

 

\---  

 

_“From the moment you see that light across the stage, you’re not you and you know it. Tell them the story, Masaki… Tell them everything he wants you to tell them…”_

_“I’ll forget my lines… I’ll mess up…” Masaki couldn’t listen to his boyfriend. This was his first attempt of presenting a monologue and he was afraid… At first, he had been excited but now, thirty minutes before the drop curtain would reveal him to the audience, he almost felt sick._

_“You won’t… because you want to tell his story… because he has grown in you… You are Benedict…”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_Jun smiled hugging Masaki tightly. “I’m sure. You’re a star, Masaki, and tonight you’ll shine!”_

\---

“You remember what you’re here for, right?”

 

Masaki was still lost in his thoughts when he realized that someone spoke behind his back… the smile turned bigger when he realized that this someone was no one else but Jun. He turned around and without giving it a lot of thought he hugged him. Strangely, he felt calmer, like every other time. They may not be together anymore but he still felt a connection with him.

 

“Calm down, ok?! You’ll do great because you’re a star, Masaki, and tonight you’ll shine!”

 

The same words again.

 

“Thanks for coming, Jun! It really means a lot to me!”

 

“As if I’d miss your premiere for anything in the world!”

 

Masaki smiled knowing that Jun meant it from the bottom of his heart. “I’m happy to have a friend like you…”

 

“I can only return the compliment but relax. You’ll make them rub their eyes like only _you_ know!”

 

Jun patted Masaki’s shoulder and winked at him making the latter smile. He had to not let anyone down. Like Jun was saying… he had to tell them his story…

 

***

 

Sho’s eyes were following his boyfriend’s figure as he moved on stage. He could only smile seeing him transform into someone else, making him forget who he was for a moment. He smiled proudly at the comment of his friend that Masaki was mesmerizing. Masaki had been better than ever. His eyes reflected a passion, a thirst he couldn’t remember before. Masaki was showing everyone who he was and that was more than satisfying for Sho.

 

Once it was over, he ran to the backstage where he found Masaki in his dressing room, looking at the bouquet he had already sent. Without saying anything, he hugged him from behind, placing a soft kiss on his nape.

 

“You were perfect, my love! I could recognize one critic sitting before me and I heard him murmuring what a pleasant surprise you were! You’ve done it, Masaki! You’ve done it!”

 

Masaki turned around and hugged Sho tightly, his hands grabbing his boyfriend’s jacket desperately. “I’m happy, Sho! You can’t imagine how happy I am! I love you!”

 

They were about to start kissing when they heard someone clearing his throat. Their gazes met with Jun’s and Nino’s who were standing at the door. Masaki made them a nod to enter. He could see that Nino was rather nervous; he looked so different now. He could call him cute. Knowing from Sho how hard he tried at work and seeing him holding Jun’s hand, made him realize that in front of him there was someone he’d like to get to know better.

 

“You were great! Honestly, I was left speechless… Especially at the last scene, I forgot how to breathe! It was amazing! Really!” Nino muttered in a low voice.

 

Masaki flashed him a smile giving him his hand. “I’m glad you liked it, Ninomiya-kun! I’m happy that you and Jun came to see it!”

 

Nino only nodded in return. Masaki looked at both Sho and Jun with a smile. “What do you say we all go to have a drink? To celebrate the premiere!” Nino was left astonished but Masaki didn’t give him the chance to say anything. “I’d like to get to know the Nino both my boyfriend and friend love!”

 

“I… guess… Jun?” Nino said in a tiny but obviously happy voice, as he looked at his boyfriend.

 

“Of course! And so you know… Masaki’s strong when it comes to drinking! No one can beat him!”

 

Nino looked at the actor and smirked. “We’ll see about that!”

 

***

 

“Your latest article impressed Yakizawa!”

 

Nino couldn’t believe his ears. “You mean it?! I feel like a sheep targeted by the big wolf…”

 

“You’re doing an excellent job! I’m impressed!”

 

“I’m not a newbie!” Nino protested, folding his arms in front of his chest.

 

Sho drank some of his coffee trying to muffle a chuckle. “For this type of work, you _are_!”

 

Nino ticked the tip of his tongue annoyed but said nothing. “That’s why you called me here today?”

 

“I wanted to discuss for the anniversary extra. It will be your chance to prove that you can write longer articles and-” Sho didn’t have the chance to finish his words as he heard the doorbell ringing.

 

Frowned, he excused himself and went to see who it was.

 

“Satoshi?!”

 

Nino jumped up at the name. He hadn’t seen the other since the time he had learnt everything. Their eyes met as Satoshi was led to the living room.

 

“Ah… I didn’t know Nino was here... I… guess… I’ll come over another ti-” Satoshi mumbled with difficulty and was ready to leave when a grip on his arm forbid him from making another step.

 

“I want us to try to be friends, Sa… Satoshi…” Nino whispered also with difficulty.

 

“I… I don’t know, Ka- Nino…”

 

“Kazu… I’m your friend, Kazu! I still love you… not like in the past but I do care for you… You’ve always protected me, Satoshi… No one can ever replace you and everything that you’ve done for me in my life. I know I’ve caused you a lot of pain but I want all that to be part of the past. I have started from scratch. I’d like us, _if_ this is possible, to start from scratch, as well.

 

He could see the confusion in Satoshi’s eyes before the latter pulled his arm and almost ran to the door. Nino was left standing there watching the now closed door of Sho’s apartment.

 

“He’ll come around… because he cares for you, too, Nino!” Sho said as he came closer to him.

 

“I hope…”

…………………………………………….

_Six months later…_

 

“Cheers!” glasses clinked together.

 

Sho, Masaki, Jun and Nino were celebrating the latter’s promotion as Sho’s assistant. He was now writing a column at the pages of which Sho was responsible. It had been a while and it seemed that the big boss had started changing his mind for him. Nino knew that there were still many of his colleagues that would mutter things behind his back but he didn’t care. What mattered was how Jun would stay by his side as he was typing his articles till late at night, how Sho would make him feel that he really had something to say or that his ideas were most of the times brilliant and how Masaki would cheer him up whenever he felt he was stuck.

 

Recognition was coming slowly and that was why he liked it so much. It had a steady pace and he knew by experience that only if you climb the stairs one by one, you’ll last long and your success will have the right basis. That was what Nino was after and he was getting there.

 

Nino was about to drink when he caught with the corner of his eye a rather familiar figure. It took him a few seconds to realize that this familiar figure was no one else but Satoshi. He stood up and hurried to him, leaving everyone behind.

 

“He wants to stop feeling guilty...” Masaki mumbled.

 

“No… he wants to feel complete. Ohno Satoshi is a part of his life and he wants him in it…” Jun whispered before sipping some of his beer.

 

Sho was left speechless. “You aren’t feeling awkward?”

 

“I need to get used to the whole idea, I’m only human, with many flaws, but I love Nino more than me and I know that he loves me. If he wants him in his life, then I want him, as well.”

 

“You’ve matured, Jun…” Masaki whispered.

 

“Life made me, Masaki. My mistakes; mistakes that I’m not willing to make ever again!”

 

They all stopped talking as they saw Nino coming closer pulling the artist together.  “Jun, I’d like you to meet Ohno Satoshi. He’s my friend. My really good friend…”

 

Satoshi didn’t sit with them but he shook hands with Jun, promising he’d come along next time Sho would have a hot pot night. It was a start…

………………………………………………..

_5 years later…_

 

Nino was now working at his best friend’s paper. He had become Sho’s right hand, declining his friend’s proposition to open it together. Nino was more than happy with working as the editor in chief. He needed time to pass with Jun. He wanted to return back home and enjoy his boyfriend’s Italian pasta, listen to his rehearsal for his upcoming movies. He liked his life and didn’t want to change it.

 

Jun hadn’t argued. He liked spending quality time with his lover. He loved every aspect of the other he had discovered and was still discovering; his shy side… his sweet side… his passionate side… his demanding side… his bratty side… his whiny side… It was the combination of all these that made Nino _Nino_ and he loved having time to explore all of them. Next month he would finally have the chance to take him to Europe with him. With the occasion of the participation of his latest film in both the festival of Cannes and the festival of Venice, he had arranged for a cruise at the Mediterranean. He wanted that trip to be their honeymoon after their exchange of vows a few months ago, following Sho and Masaki’s example.

 

Sho had been awarded as the best journalist for three consecutive years and after tens of discussions with Masaki, he decided to take the risk and open his own paper. It would focus more on cultural news but that was something that had always fascinated him. With his husband, after their unofficial marriage one year after they moved in together, he felt surer than ever. He felt he could do it and offer to the journalism a small piece of himself, like he always wanted in his most secret dreams.

 

Masaki had focused on theatre. It wasn’t that he didn’t love the cinema or the television but the magic he could feel when he was on stage was irreplaceable. Theatre gave him the opportunity to play a piece from beginning to end and not cut into smaller scenes. After getting good critics, he decided to cooperate with directors that had innovative ideas, several times trying to mix tradition with classicism and modernity. That made him want to create his own troupe. He wanted to be the one who decides what production he’d do. The theatre he had managed to buy along with other two who had the role of producers was small but he didn’t care. As long as he could express himself and hear the loud applause every single day, it was enough.  He had never been more inspired in his life. It could be the fact that he was getting older or more mature but he knew that above all, it was the man his eyes were meeting the moment he opened the door of their apartment.

 

Satoshi, on the other hand, had attracted the attention around the world. He had held exhibitions in Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam. He would still keep his small gallery though, not liking big changes. He had lovers from time to time but never had anything too serious. He already had one; his art… and his friends… They would be his best inspiration like it happened with his latest painting. The strokes were rough and the contrast intense. There were figures some of which were mixed together. Some would be too dark and others too bright. At a first glance, they seemed together; at a second alone; everything was subjective.

 

“Games of Betrayal and Loyalty” was the title Satoshi had decided.  

 

 

Isn’t life like that? Undoubtedly, it is. At some point, you’ll most probably find yourself playing one; you may want to; you may not want to. Sometimes it’s your choice and sometimes you’re simply made to do it. But without them, you may remain the same, never learning from your mistakes; never enjoying a good outcome that may follow; never evolving as a human being. Such games may be cruel, painful but they’re also necessary. At least to Jun, Masaki, Nino, Sho and Satoshi they proved to be such; because it was due to such games and the pain they had brought along that made all of them explore their true selves, know what they really wanted from their lives and above all find their real happiness in the end.

   


 

THE END

 


End file.
